Another Serious Post!?!?
I've been pretty hard on Barack Obama (I argued at one point that he had literally done nothing clearly right in his first few months in office). But his plan for closing Guantanamo Bay seems reasonably well thought-out. For example the proposed categories of prisonser:
Those seem like sensible distinctions. There's something sort of commonsensically Thomistic about splitting hairs until you actually know what kind of hair you're dealing with.
-- Those who have violated American criminal laws and will be tried in federal courts;
-- Those who violated the laws of war and are best tried through military commissions;
-- Those who have been ordered released by the courts;
-- Those who can be transferred safely to another country;
-- Those who cannot be prosecuted, but pose a clear danger to the American people.
(Source)
Those seem like sensible distinctions. There's something sort of commonsensically Thomistic about splitting hairs until you actually know what kind of hair you're dealing with.
Interesting Street Preacher Encounter
I was walking up the steps of the library when a kid who looked maybe 20 said "Excuse me, sir," [Ed: Sir???] "do you have a minute?"
Me: Ok...
Kid: Do you know Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior?
Me: Yes.
Kid: Cool. Don't ever lose Him. Have a nice day.
Me: You too.
That kid was cool. I've rarely run into street evangelists who seemed to care about me and what I have to say. Generally when I tell them I'm a Christian, they look for some theological minutia that they can use to claim I'm going to hell (something about saying I eat Jesus' body really seems to make them edgy). I appreciate that he wasn't looking to argue or confront me or be proven right. He just wanted to make sure, if I didn't already know, that Jesus loves me. Thanks, kid!
Me: Ok...
Kid: Do you know Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior?
Me: Yes.
Kid: Cool. Don't ever lose Him. Have a nice day.
Me: You too.
That kid was cool. I've rarely run into street evangelists who seemed to care about me and what I have to say. Generally when I tell them I'm a Christian, they look for some theological minutia that they can use to claim I'm going to hell (something about saying I eat Jesus' body really seems to make them edgy). I appreciate that he wasn't looking to argue or confront me or be proven right. He just wanted to make sure, if I didn't already know, that Jesus loves me. Thanks, kid!
Five Years of Crap!
My very first post on this blog was five years ago today! In that time, you've gotten lame-brained opinions and stupid booger jokes. And there were some posts that weren't as good either.
For those of you who laughed your way through the last 361 posts, I thank you. For those of you who have unwillingly slogged through them on the advice of your spiritual director, I also thank you. I'd appreciate if you pray for me too because I'm going to be sweating it out in Spa Purgatory (mostly for the offenses I've commited outside of this blog, believe it or not).
So, in conclusion, see you all in five years! I'll be an old man (Remind me then that I said so, so that I can realize how young and foolish I used to be).
For those of you who laughed your way through the last 361 posts, I thank you. For those of you who have unwillingly slogged through them on the advice of your spiritual director, I also thank you. I'd appreciate if you pray for me too because I'm going to be sweating it out in Spa Purgatory (mostly for the offenses I've commited outside of this blog, believe it or not).
So, in conclusion, see you all in five years! I'll be an old man (Remind me then that I said so, so that I can realize how young and foolish I used to be).
More From the Shrine
Everyone's favorite source for all things Catholic and weird is at it again. Strange Facts about Papal Audiences.
Stephen Colbert: Real American Hero
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| The Word - Stressed Position | ||||
| ||||
Liveblogging The Bachelor Party
That's right, I'm at a bachelor party. Don't worry, ladies, I'm not the one getting married. The party is for my cousin's fiancé.
First we went to a Cardinals game at Wrigley Field. The less said about that the better, really. Except that the economy is hitting scalpers really hard and they can only afford to pay you $7 for a ticket with face value of $36. It's a hard knock life for those guys who are selling bleacher seats for $75.
We stopped at our hotel after the game. It's a Days Inn, cost only $80 for the night, has just one less bed than people in the room and I didn't feel like I was going to get murdered in the night. A net win, I'd say.
From there we decided to go to dinner. The group wanted to go to Hooters. I wasn't all that sold on the idea but I swallowed my dignity got in the car. Fortunately I had cash so I wasn't going to have to have Hooters show up on my bank statement. (hooters hooters hooters: Google please take note. Thanks.)
On the way over, we passed a restaurant called Jedi's Garden. I pointed it out. A couple of blocks later we arrived at the Hooters (hooters hooters hooters). Which looked just as classy as I had expected. It appeared to be built of aluminum shed siding. Also it was packed. At least an hour wait. I suggested we try Jedi's. My cousin asked if it looked like it would be good. "It has to be good," I said "or else it would be called Sith Lord's." Did I mention I'm not the one getting married?
Anyway we ended up going to Jedi's. A preference for puns and geek references over gaudy tacky sex is what separates us from the animals, I say. Turned out to be a good choice. It was a little family owned place with an aura of "used-to-be-a-Perkins". It did not have any apparent Star Wars connection, except that our waitress might have been a Jedi. She was serving all seven tables in our section. She seemed nice so I asked her about the name. She made a motion that may have been the Vulcan salute but also kind of looked like the "blow my brains out" hand signal. I wasn't sure if I should tell her that she was confusing Star Wars with Star Trek or be concerned that she was going to kill me. I decided not to expose my nerdiness and said nothing at all.
Anyway it turns out Jedi is a Greek name, equivalent to Jerry. Oh well. The food was good. Now we're at the hotel watching Craig Ferguson's Comedy Central special. Not a bad day after all I guess.
Now I have to get to bed because my cousin is getting up early tomorrow to compete in the Chicago Strongman contest. Seriously.
First we went to a Cardinals game at Wrigley Field. The less said about that the better, really. Except that the economy is hitting scalpers really hard and they can only afford to pay you $7 for a ticket with face value of $36. It's a hard knock life for those guys who are selling bleacher seats for $75.
We stopped at our hotel after the game. It's a Days Inn, cost only $80 for the night, has just one less bed than people in the room and I didn't feel like I was going to get murdered in the night. A net win, I'd say.
From there we decided to go to dinner. The group wanted to go to Hooters. I wasn't all that sold on the idea but I swallowed my dignity got in the car. Fortunately I had cash so I wasn't going to have to have Hooters show up on my bank statement. (hooters hooters hooters: Google please take note. Thanks.)
On the way over, we passed a restaurant called Jedi's Garden. I pointed it out. A couple of blocks later we arrived at the Hooters (hooters hooters hooters). Which looked just as classy as I had expected. It appeared to be built of aluminum shed siding. Also it was packed. At least an hour wait. I suggested we try Jedi's. My cousin asked if it looked like it would be good. "It has to be good," I said "or else it would be called Sith Lord's." Did I mention I'm not the one getting married?
Anyway we ended up going to Jedi's. A preference for puns and geek references over gaudy tacky sex is what separates us from the animals, I say. Turned out to be a good choice. It was a little family owned place with an aura of "used-to-be-a-Perkins". It did not have any apparent Star Wars connection, except that our waitress might have been a Jedi. She was serving all seven tables in our section. She seemed nice so I asked her about the name. She made a motion that may have been the Vulcan salute but also kind of looked like the "blow my brains out" hand signal. I wasn't sure if I should tell her that she was confusing Star Wars with Star Trek or be concerned that she was going to kill me. I decided not to expose my nerdiness and said nothing at all.
Anyway it turns out Jedi is a Greek name, equivalent to Jerry. Oh well. The food was good. Now we're at the hotel watching Craig Ferguson's Comedy Central special. Not a bad day after all I guess.
Now I have to get to bed because my cousin is getting up early tomorrow to compete in the Chicago Strongman contest. Seriously.
Like Shooting Fish in Barrel
The website for Microsoft's Expression Web 2 tool ("passionate about standards", "beautiful inside and out") does not render correctly in Opera.
Talents Which Do Not Make Me Seem Cool
- Remembering dozens of passwords for different computer logins, websites and emails without writing any of them down.
- Good parallel parker.
- Can reset any clock-radio.
- Calculating addition of 2 or 3 digit numbers in my head almost instantaneously.
- Reasonably good Hootie and Blowfish imitation.
- Can classify everyday activities in terms of Big-O notation.
This post is unlikely to be followed up by "Talents Which Make Me Seem Totally Awesome."
It's An Honor Just to Be Nominated
That's what I'm probably supposed to say. But if I don't win this freakin caption contest, my head is going to explode from all the rage and whatnot.
Look how funny I am! Referencing a previous caption contest, even! Don't make the internet even dumber by voting for any of that other crap.
Look how funny I am! Referencing a previous caption contest, even! Don't make the internet even dumber by voting for any of that other crap.
Running in Under-Armour
I'm not sure it controlled my sweat or regulated my body temperature, but I felt like a superhero while I was wearing it. That's all I ask.
Who Wrote This Crap?*
Right now somebody is at RottenTomatoes.com is getting yelled at for not reviewing his code before checking it into production.
*Apologies to Jeff Atwood
*Apologies to Jeff Atwood
What the Heck Facebook (Part II)
Facebook's ads keep getting more and more disturbing:
I'm also on the middle of reading American Gods, so I'm seriously getting freaked out. If I don't post anything for a while, it could be because those creepy google guys show up at my front door with a buffalo man and a four-eyed baby. In which case, look out because the storm is coming.
Whatever that means...
Coincidentally, 34% of Americans approved of the job President Bush was doing as he left office. Could there be some connection between mutant babies and George W. Bush's administration?
Nope.
I'm also on the middle of reading American Gods, so I'm seriously getting freaked out. If I don't post anything for a while, it could be because those creepy google guys show up at my front door with a buffalo man and a four-eyed baby. In which case, look out because the storm is coming.
Whatever that means...
Coincidentally, 34% of Americans approved of the job President Bush was doing as he left office. Could there be some connection between mutant babies and George W. Bush's administration?
Nope.
What is Google Hiding?
Call me a loser, but I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at random things on Google Maps' street view. I decided to zoom in on the Googleplex to see what it looks like from the street.
Apparently, they tell their employees when the car is going by, because everyone is outside waving at the camera. Proving to me that Google employs the coolest nerds around, I found a guy dressed as Link, a wedding proposal (2.0, whatever that means) and a standup cutout of Marge Simpson. But at one point in the midst of the geeky frivolity, something sinister happens.
Shot one: Googlers standing around waving.
View Larger Map
One step further down the road: the crowds are gone, replaced by two men with blurred out faces.
View Larger Map
A further step: the crowds are back, with no sign of the mysterious men.
View Larger Map
Who are these guys? Why are their faces censored? No one else in street view gets their faces blured out. Why aren't we allowed to know who these two are?
I have some theories:
1) They're government agents investigating a UFO that was captured in the original footage. They flashed the camera with their red light thingy and it erased part of the camera's memory. Will Smith was too busy making serious movies to show up, so they hired Beau Bridges to stand in for him. Also, it was casual Friday at Men In Black headquarters.
2) Google is participating in a viral marketing campaign for The Ring. Their VP of advertising will be fired next week.
3) Mitch Hedberg was right about Bigfoot.
Whatever the truth may be, Google owes it to us to come clean. Fortunately they aren't the only search engine option. I went to Yahoo and found out that [Confidential Content Redacted Per Google End User Policy].
Apparently, they tell their employees when the car is going by, because everyone is outside waving at the camera. Proving to me that Google employs the coolest nerds around, I found a guy dressed as Link, a wedding proposal (2.0, whatever that means) and a standup cutout of Marge Simpson. But at one point in the midst of the geeky frivolity, something sinister happens.
Shot one: Googlers standing around waving.
View Larger Map
One step further down the road: the crowds are gone, replaced by two men with blurred out faces.
View Larger Map
A further step: the crowds are back, with no sign of the mysterious men.
View Larger Map
Who are these guys? Why are their faces censored? No one else in street view gets their faces blured out. Why aren't we allowed to know who these two are?
I have some theories:
1) They're government agents investigating a UFO that was captured in the original footage. They flashed the camera with their red light thingy and it erased part of the camera's memory. Will Smith was too busy making serious movies to show up, so they hired Beau Bridges to stand in for him. Also, it was casual Friday at Men In Black headquarters.
2) Google is participating in a viral marketing campaign for The Ring. Their VP of advertising will be fired next week.
3) Mitch Hedberg was right about Bigfoot.
Whatever the truth may be, Google owes it to us to come clean. Fortunately they aren't the only search engine option. I went to Yahoo and found out that [Confidential Content Redacted Per Google End User Policy].
I Don't Understand Utah
Half the time they're trying to convince everyone that they aren't a state full of crazy people.
The rest of the time, they're busy putting giant phallic symbols on their quarters.
The rest of the time, they're busy putting giant phallic symbols on their quarters.
Because Everyone Should Have an Opinion about Everything
I almost find Michael Phelps' accomplishments more impressive, seeing as he's been using performance de-enhancing drugs.
For Those Times When Aggression is Inappropriate, Try Passive Aggression
To: Guy Who Opened My Washer
CC: Guy Who Designed the Washer, INTERNET-ALL-PDL
Re: Opening My Washer
When I left the laundromat briefly today to get a burrito, I expected during that time that my laundry would continue washing. I was disappointed to note that this did not occur.
The reason this did not occur was that you, GWOMW, opened my washer. As you may know from previous washer-using experience (I am assuming that, as a guy in a laundromat, you have some of that), this causes the washer to stop. Once the washer has stopped, it does not continue to wash my laundry. Instead my towels sit there, damp, soapy and forlorn, waiting patiently to be restarted. They are, however, lacking hands and unable to restart themselves. This is where you would come in. There is a button near the top of the machine which causes the washer to start up again and complete its cycle.
I realize this may be an easy mistake to make, so I have formulated a solution. At the top of the washer (next to the button which causes the washer to start--you should be intimately familiar with that button by this point), is a small display with numbers on it. Those numbers represent the number of minutes remaining in my wash cycle. If those numbers display a value greater than zero (0), this indicates that my laundy is still washing. Judicious use of this display can help prevent these types of problems in the future. I appreciate your cooperation.
GWDtW, you're not off the hook either. That place on the aforementioned display screen which says "Washer Door Locked" is clearly in error. Please see to this.
Thanks,
Guy with Still-Damp Towels
PS: Guy Who Accidentally Paid For My Dryer, I hope you're not also GWOMW because you seemed cool.
CC: Guy Who Designed the Washer, INTERNET-ALL-PDL
Re: Opening My Washer
When I left the laundromat briefly today to get a burrito, I expected during that time that my laundry would continue washing. I was disappointed to note that this did not occur.
The reason this did not occur was that you, GWOMW, opened my washer. As you may know from previous washer-using experience (I am assuming that, as a guy in a laundromat, you have some of that), this causes the washer to stop. Once the washer has stopped, it does not continue to wash my laundry. Instead my towels sit there, damp, soapy and forlorn, waiting patiently to be restarted. They are, however, lacking hands and unable to restart themselves. This is where you would come in. There is a button near the top of the machine which causes the washer to start up again and complete its cycle.
I realize this may be an easy mistake to make, so I have formulated a solution. At the top of the washer (next to the button which causes the washer to start--you should be intimately familiar with that button by this point), is a small display with numbers on it. Those numbers represent the number of minutes remaining in my wash cycle. If those numbers display a value greater than zero (0), this indicates that my laundy is still washing. Judicious use of this display can help prevent these types of problems in the future. I appreciate your cooperation.
GWDtW, you're not off the hook either. That place on the aforementioned display screen which says "Washer Door Locked" is clearly in error. Please see to this.
Thanks,
Guy with Still-Damp Towels
PS: Guy Who Accidentally Paid For My Dryer, I hope you're not also GWOMW because you seemed cool.
Just a Reminder
Today, the Shrine of the Holy Whapping linked to LOLsaints and mentioned how weird it is. I'd like you all to remember that the Shrine is really the most Catholic and Weird site on the internet.
Who Actually Likes Oil Companies?
An online acquaintance posted a link to an article congratulating Exxon Mobil for their record profits. This looks like a mutated strain of Stockholm Syndrome to me.
I also work for a company that is on good financial ground in spite of the economy (I won't specify, since I'm sure they don't want their name connected to monkey nose-picking and sexy Rod Blagojevich). So why am I angry about the oil companies and not at my own company?
To me it's a matter of what we offer. My company is one of a number of companies that offers products to help people stay financially stable during tough times. Their focus on making the customer, rather than the bottom line, the top priority has made their product consistently the best in the industry. Rather than jumping on get-rich-quick fads, they invest conservatively to ensure that they have dependable cash flow even when the economy is bad.
Oil companies, on the other hand...looking for a metaphor....have us by the crankshaft and keep twisting. Their artificially inflated $4.50/gallon gas prices are part of what hurt our economy in the first place. In the short term, they're holding us hostage*. We have no other viable options but to go to them (or another one of their competitors, who is also charging the exact same price) in order to go about our daily lives. Hopefully in the future there will be other viable alternatives and we won't have to go crawling on our knees to the oil companies when we want heat our homes and drive to work.
And that's what gets me. The people trumpeting Exxon's big profits are the fiscally conservative free-market supporters. This is an example of an unfree market. We have virtually no choice but to buy. It's practically a tax. If you don't pay the government, they send someone to your home and arrest you (Edit: or in some cases, to hire you). The oil companies have an even better business model--if we don't pay them, they let us sit at home (for lack of a car), where we'll freeze for lack of payment on a heating bill we can't pay for lack of a job.
And we free-market supporters are supposed to congratulate this system? We're supposed to think it's great? This is a prime example of letting ideology tell you what's good, instead actually looking at the real, practical results in the world.
* In the long term, someone is bound to find a decent alternative energy source. And we'll run out of oil eventually.
I also work for a company that is on good financial ground in spite of the economy (I won't specify, since I'm sure they don't want their name connected to monkey nose-picking and sexy Rod Blagojevich). So why am I angry about the oil companies and not at my own company?
To me it's a matter of what we offer. My company is one of a number of companies that offers products to help people stay financially stable during tough times. Their focus on making the customer, rather than the bottom line, the top priority has made their product consistently the best in the industry. Rather than jumping on get-rich-quick fads, they invest conservatively to ensure that they have dependable cash flow even when the economy is bad.
Oil companies, on the other hand...looking for a metaphor....have us by the crankshaft and keep twisting. Their artificially inflated $4.50/gallon gas prices are part of what hurt our economy in the first place. In the short term, they're holding us hostage*. We have no other viable options but to go to them (or another one of their competitors, who is also charging the exact same price) in order to go about our daily lives. Hopefully in the future there will be other viable alternatives and we won't have to go crawling on our knees to the oil companies when we want heat our homes and drive to work.
And that's what gets me. The people trumpeting Exxon's big profits are the fiscally conservative free-market supporters. This is an example of an unfree market. We have virtually no choice but to buy. It's practically a tax. If you don't pay the government, they send someone to your home and arrest you (Edit: or in some cases, to hire you). The oil companies have an even better business model--if we don't pay them, they let us sit at home (for lack of a car), where we'll freeze for lack of payment on a heating bill we can't pay for lack of a job.
And we free-market supporters are supposed to congratulate this system? We're supposed to think it's great? This is a prime example of letting ideology tell you what's good, instead actually looking at the real, practical results in the world.
* In the long term, someone is bound to find a decent alternative energy source. And we'll run out of oil eventually.
Obligatory Breaking News Post
I'll just let the ex-governor and my Photoshopping skills speak for themselves:
[W]hether it's a court of law or administrative hearing or whether it's schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn't the one who did it. He's got other boys he'd like to have tell the teachers he didn't do it.
I just feel bad for his future cellmate.
Priorities
I received a text message from America's favorite blogger, Tommy "not a religious books publisher" Nelson, while I was at work today. I quote "Blago is gone!"
Apparently by a unanimous vote, none the less. If I had known it would be this easy, I would have suggested it six years ago.
Anyway, that's not even my main point. My main point is I went to cnn.com when Google News didn't immediately bring up a story. This I what I was greeted with as the top story:
Sadly, I can't show you the full context. It would probably be considered inappropriate to take screen captures of Brazilian bikini models while using work computers. By the time I got home, she was no longer the top story.*
So, the Senate of an American state just voted to kick its governor out of office and CNN is leading with a story about a Brazilian model? Admittedly, she died and that's sad. But it's not headline news. It's not really news at all. And the fact that she had a series of amputations and eventually succumbed to sepsis from a urinary tract infection is not really my business. Let the poor woman rest in peace. Don't crash her funeral with your cameras, asking her family to cry on cue. You bastards make me sick.
Wow, that got out of hand. I was hoping to make a light-hearted post about CNN being stupid, but then my pent-up righteous anger got the best of me. I'll post pictures of monkeys picking their noses tomorrow.
*I'd like to point out that the Brazilian bikini model story was not bumped off the front page impeachment coverage. When I checked about an hour ago, the lead story was about a guy who faked his own death in 1989, leaving behind a fiancee and kids from a previous marriage in an apparent attempt to live out the plotline of an episode of My Name is Earl.
Apparently by a unanimous vote, none the less. If I had known it would be this easy, I would have suggested it six years ago.
Anyway, that's not even my main point. My main point is I went to cnn.com when Google News didn't immediately bring up a story. This I what I was greeted with as the top story:
Sadly, I can't show you the full context. It would probably be considered inappropriate to take screen captures of Brazilian bikini models while using work computers. By the time I got home, she was no longer the top story.*
So, the Senate of an American state just voted to kick its governor out of office and CNN is leading with a story about a Brazilian model? Admittedly, she died and that's sad. But it's not headline news. It's not really news at all. And the fact that she had a series of amputations and eventually succumbed to sepsis from a urinary tract infection is not really my business. Let the poor woman rest in peace. Don't crash her funeral with your cameras, asking her family to cry on cue. You bastards make me sick.
Wow, that got out of hand. I was hoping to make a light-hearted post about CNN being stupid, but then my pent-up righteous anger got the best of me. I'll post pictures of monkeys picking their noses tomorrow.
*I'd like to point out that the Brazilian bikini model story was not bumped off the front page impeachment coverage. When I checked about an hour ago, the lead story was about a guy who faked his own death in 1989, leaving behind a fiancee and kids from a previous marriage in an apparent attempt to live out the plotline of an episode of My Name is Earl.
The Best Excuse Ever
I wish I had had someone to avoid today, because I had a great excuse. I was actually helping a handicapped old woman carry boxes of food to the poor.
chmod 007 *
I've gotten tired of deleting directories with Subversion data in them, only to get a million "Are you sure?" messages. So I added an alias "ex-pred" to my .bash_profile. Remove those directories with extreme prejudice!
alias ex-pred='rm -rf'The High Today Was -2
It's really bloody cold. It's cold in my room, which has two outside facing walls. It's cold in my apartment, which (ultimately) has four outside-facing walls. It's cold outside, where there are no walls at all and the only thing keeping the heat is in the clouds, I think, although I've never been terribly good at meteorology.
It's so cold that I'm sitting under a blanket, blogging and drinking whiskey. It's so cold that I got brainfreeze at lunch...eathing chicken noodle soup*. It's so cold it makes me cuss inside my head and when I open my mouth it comes out. It's so cold that, it totally makes sense why Vikings thought Hell was like this. It's so cold that I saw a moose asking Sarah Palin to put it out of its misery (I imagine Dave Letterman will use that line tonight). It's so cold that people from Texas are continuing to complain about how cold it is, just like they have ever since the temperature first dropped below 50 in October.
Stay warm out there folks! Drive safe and don't forget to tip your waitresses!
*It's so cold that I thought that was pretty funny line when I came up with it.
It's so cold that I'm sitting under a blanket, blogging and drinking whiskey. It's so cold that I got brainfreeze at lunch...eathing chicken noodle soup*. It's so cold it makes me cuss inside my head and when I open my mouth it comes out. It's so cold that, it totally makes sense why Vikings thought Hell was like this. It's so cold that I saw a moose asking Sarah Palin to put it out of its misery (I imagine Dave Letterman will use that line tonight). It's so cold that people from Texas are continuing to complain about how cold it is, just like they have ever since the temperature first dropped below 50 in October.
Stay warm out there folks! Drive safe and don't forget to tip your waitresses!
*It's so cold that I thought that was pretty funny line when I came up with it.
Thank You, Chris Cassel, Whoever You Are
I was having a heck of a time getting CakePHP to work right in a subdirectory of my webserver. By nature, Cake wants your whole webserver to itself. Fortunately, this Chris guy figured out a way to get it cooperate with my other webpages.
Thanks, Mr. Chris guy!
Thanks, Mr. Chris guy!
The Moon Landing Was Fake
I made an observation the other day. One of reasons the internet is so difficult a medium to have meaningful conversations is that it's nearly impossible to tell who's a genuine idiot and who's being ironic. When I expressed this to one of my friends, he suggested that there might not be any difference. As the author of a fairly ironic blog, this provides an answer but little consolation.
Quote of the Day!
While kissing is normally very safe, doctors urge people to proceed with caution, the China Daily reported.- Brisbane Times
My Least Masculine Online Day Ever
Earlier today, my sister sent me a "Who's your Twilight dream guy?" facebook application. A few hours later a friend sent me a facebook gift of bubble bath, along with a message about whipped cream. Then my previous blog post had me scouring the internet cursing the fact that there are so few pictures Dennis Rodman's risque book cover.
If you need me, I'll be lifting weights and listening to Eye of the Tiger.
If you need me, I'll be lifting weights and listening to Eye of the Tiger.
I Find This Progression Disturbing
A chronological listing of Anne Coulter's book covers:
On the cover of her next book Mad as I'm Gonna Be, there will be nothing but a motorcycle and strategically placed copy of Reflections on the Revolution in France to shield our eyes*.
*Too obscure?
On the cover of her next book Mad as I'm Gonna Be, there will be nothing but a motorcycle and strategically placed copy of Reflections on the Revolution in France to shield our eyes*.
*Too obscure?
Church of the Holy Whapping
Where you learn something Catholic and weird every day!
It seems some native parents were acting as godparents to their own children. Since being co-godparents was a canonical impediment to the marriage of the parents--it created a 'spiritual relationship' or kinship--some were using this as an excuse to divorce [sic] their wives and remarry.
Overheard on the Street
Girl on cellphone: "The guy said 'What are you going to do, start a gunfight from your wheelchair?'"
What I Really Mean When I Say I Don't Believe in Money
Earlier today, I said I don't believe in money. Mostly, I did it just to watch my financially educated friends get that little throbby vein on the sides of their necks. "Not believing in money" was hyperbole, but I also had a point (or rather a theory of how our view of money is messed up).
To put it briefly, in the context of the recent economic events: If you lost money and no one else actually gained it, you never had that money in the first place.
I will explain further in a later post.
To put it briefly, in the context of the recent economic events: If you lost money and no one else actually gained it, you never had that money in the first place.
I will explain further in a later post.
I'm Going To Have to Disinfect The Furniture
Two of the most recent google searches that brought viewers to my blog were "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" and "feels so right it can't be wrong".
You people frighten me.
EDIT: Further investigation shows that "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" came from Windsor, England. It's nice to know that Prince Charles reads my blog.
You people frighten me.
EDIT: Further investigation shows that "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" came from Windsor, England. It's nice to know that Prince Charles reads my blog.
Misery Loves Company
The host of a show I was watching today tried to keep my from turning off the TV at a commercial break. He said "I'm not going anywhere and I hope you aren't either."
I don't find that inviting. Actually it's kind of insulting to have a B-list celebrity say "I'm going absolutely nowhere and hopefully you're stuck in a dead-end existence too!" Listen, buddy, I'm not not going anywhere nearly as quickly as you are.
I don't find that inviting. Actually it's kind of insulting to have a B-list celebrity say "I'm going absolutely nowhere and hopefully you're stuck in a dead-end existence too!" Listen, buddy, I'm not not going anywhere nearly as quickly as you are.
Reason to be Catholic #9515464
I saw a version of this diagram on the ceiling of a church I went to this weekend. I'm not sure what it's actually called, but I like to think of it a Trinity For Dummies.
Could God Microwave a Burrito So Hot Even He Couldn't Eat It?
And could Samuel L. Jackson pick out an outfit so wussy even he couldn't look badass in it?
Well, Crap
"My attitude toward progress has passed from antagonism to boredom. I have long ceased to argue with people who prefer Thursday to Wednesday because it is Thursday." - GK ChestertonI guess this will be a good chance for conservatives to go sit in the corner and think about what they've done.
Meanwhile, Christians are going to have to actually go out and do stuff. If you want the pro-life cause to move forward, you have to go work for it. Don't expect the government to just pass laws for you. Then when we've decided what we really belive in we're going to have to actually vote for him in the primaries, rather than let the news channels tell us who's electable and who's not.
Donating Blood*
I'm a hero. I saved two lives today. Did Superman save two lives today? No. Superman doesn't even exist. And if he did exist he would be a deadbeat dad. Are you saying that deadbeat dads are heroes? I don't think so, you sicko. Superman is actually way less of a hero than I am.
The best thing about this kind of heroism is that it causes low blood sugar and drowsiness. I used that as an excuse to nap at my desk all afternoon. Hey, I saved two lives today. Wake me up with you accomplish something.
*I almost typed "donuting" blood, which is not too far off.
The best thing about this kind of heroism is that it causes low blood sugar and drowsiness. I used that as an excuse to nap at my desk all afternoon. Hey, I saved two lives today. Wake me up with you accomplish something.
*I almost typed "donuting" blood, which is not too far off.
Cross Cultural Dialog
Walking to lunch at work last week, I had a strange conversation with a couple of the Indian contractors I work with. I suspect something was lost in translation.
R: Are you married, Aaron?
Me: No.
A: Does he look married?*
R: No, he looks happy.
* Translation: Doesn't he look like a high school student who painted that goatee on with his mom's eybrow pencil?
R: Are you married, Aaron?
Me: No.
A: Does he look married?*
R: No, he looks happy.
* Translation: Doesn't he look like a high school student who painted that goatee on with his mom's eybrow pencil?
For Those Who May Be Interested
I just installed Subversion on my computer this weekend. It's really nice to have a versioning system that doesn't consist of me adding "-old" to the end of filenames and hoping to remember which version it is.
I kept running into a problem with importing projects, though. In some documents, the syntax seems to be backwards. The correct syntax is:
So if any of you were wondering, that's how it goes. Hope that helps.
I kept running into a problem with importing projects, though. In some documents, the syntax seems to be backwards. The correct syntax is:
svn import /Location/to/source/ \
file:///Location/to/repository -m "Initial Import"So if any of you were wondering, that's how it goes. Hope that helps.
Geocide Update
The exact details are unclear, but apparently the earth has been destroyed. My status icon has changed from "not destroyed" to "destroyed." Details will appear at the Earth Destruction Advisory Board as they become available.
The Powerless Have One Choice Other Than Despair
I saw part of the debate last night. I turned it off to watch The Office*. The more I think about the election the less happy I am about it. I feel completely powerless to know what the right decision is, even if my vote would make any difference anyway.
There's only one way for the powerless to do the most they can to change the world for good (also, there is only one way for the powerful to do the most they can to change the world for good and it's the same way). We're just going to have to pray this one out.
Our Lady Guadalupe is the patron saint of both North America and the pro-life cause. I'm going to pray a novena from October 26 to November 3. Join me. Jesus says wherever two or more are gathered, God is there. So that means me plus my entire readership may be just about enough.
*C'mon, you know "The Deposition" was the best episode of Season 4.
There's only one way for the powerless to do the most they can to change the world for good (also, there is only one way for the powerful to do the most they can to change the world for good and it's the same way). We're just going to have to pray this one out.
Our Lady Guadalupe is the patron saint of both North America and the pro-life cause. I'm going to pray a novena from October 26 to November 3. Join me. Jesus says wherever two or more are gathered, God is there. So that means me plus my entire readership may be just about enough.
*C'mon, you know "The Deposition" was the best episode of Season 4.
Unrelated Thoughts
I picked up The Onion today as I was walking out of a local beverage establishment. Having only moderately partaken of their products, I was not in a lessened state of awareness, but I was feeling somewhat warmer and happier than usual. One of the front page headlines initially appeared to be "Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planets Fly." "Ha," I thought to my warm happy self. "That's a good question. What is keeping those planets flying around?"
Another look revealed that I had misread the healine. It was really "Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planes Fly." Essentially, a shorter and less funny version of this post. The Onion was too embarassed of their blatant rip-offery to even post the story online, so I can't link to it. Let me just say, if you read my post you read everything worth reading in that story and a bit more. (They didn't even have the temerity to use the word "half-arsed," like I did. Also, they didn't have the pedantry to use the word "temerity." And they didn't have the impetuousity to use the word "pedantry." Etc.) That's the kind of service I strive to provide.
Also, is Jan gone yet?
Another look revealed that I had misread the healine. It was really "Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planes Fly." Essentially, a shorter and less funny version of this post. The Onion was too embarassed of their blatant rip-offery to even post the story online, so I can't link to it. Let me just say, if you read my post you read everything worth reading in that story and a bit more. (They didn't even have the temerity to use the word "half-arsed," like I did. Also, they didn't have the pedantry to use the word "temerity." And they didn't have the impetuousity to use the word "pedantry." Etc.) That's the kind of service I strive to provide.
Also, is Jan gone yet?
The Future Ain't What It Used to Be
According to my (admittedly weak) understanding of the theory of relativity and time travel, you can only go forward in time. Therefore, any scientist who manages to time travel will only be able to go forward... to a time when time travel has already been invented.So rather than being crowned a hero for managing to travel through time, he's going to be just another one of those guys from the past who keep popping up. I imagine this is going to be rather disappointing.
Also, Get Off My Lawn
While asking the Google about when baseball games are being shown, I came across this article about how some playoff games are only being shown on cable. Which is totally bogus, say dozens of rambling, semi-literate USA Today readers.
My personal favorite:
My personal favorite:
I remember the good old days where all games were on network one at a time, never overlapping. It is really sad to think that the networks don't want any of the playoffs. I blame it on football and soccer. Kids these days find these action sports better than America's pastime. They can't appreciate how great the sport is because it lacks the constant action they need in these days of violent video games.
Q: When is the proper time to use the ternary operator?
A: Any time!
I found this in a Java program I was updating at work:
Which is obviously redundant in this case. Geez.
I found this in a Java program I was updating at work:
boolean boolExcluded = obj.getString()
.equalsIgnoreCase("yes") ? true : false;Which is obviously redundant in this case. Geez.
"Completely Incapable of Pleasing a Woman?"
That's a direct quote from the subject line of an email I got today. I tell myself to be strong, but it stings a little bit.
Watching the RNC
I know, liveblogging political events is not The Flametroll Way to Be©. I'll post something about monkeys soon, no doubt.
I caught the tail end of Giuliani's speech. I don't really like him very much, so I was drifting in and out. I did catch a phrase about McCain fighting for "freedom here and abroad." Giuliani didn't mention how lucky he has been to have enjoyed freedom here and three broads. He also paused awkwardly for cheers, leaving the audience wondering what to do for a couple of seconds before they realized that he was waiting on them.
Sarah Palin's speech was pretty good. The attacks seemed little forced, I thought. Maybe being harsh doesn't come naturally, I don't know. My main complaint was that she gave her kids ridiculous names: Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.Three Four All of those are admissible in a game of Scrabble. (EDIT: Apparently "Bristol" is a "a smooth cardboard." "Trig" as an adjective means "neat" and as a verb means "to make trig." Enlightening.) I'm sure those kids are perfectly happy with their names--and it's no skin off my nose if they are. But seriously, those are not real names.
*The Scrabble rule of names (which occurred to me just now) states that any non-nickname (ie, Bob, Sue, Rich) which is longer than three letters long and is admissible in a game of Scrabble is not a suitable name for a child. I'm talking to you, people who name your kids Hunter, Rivers, Apple and Tanner.
Addendum 1: Theological Virtues and Gifts or Fruits of the Holy Spirit are grudgingly accepted. Hope and Faith, we'll let you two slide. But only if the parents have had so many kids that they're out of real names.
Addendum 2: Last names of all former American Presidents are off-limits. That means no Madisons, no Lincolns, no Taylors. Sorry, the almanac is not a baby names book.
I caught the tail end of Giuliani's speech. I don't really like him very much, so I was drifting in and out. I did catch a phrase about McCain fighting for "freedom here and abroad." Giuliani didn't mention how lucky he has been to have enjoyed freedom here and three broads. He also paused awkwardly for cheers, leaving the audience wondering what to do for a couple of seconds before they realized that he was waiting on them.
Sarah Palin's speech was pretty good. The attacks seemed little forced, I thought. Maybe being harsh doesn't come naturally, I don't know. My main complaint was that she gave her kids ridiculous names: Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.
*The Scrabble rule of names (which occurred to me just now) states that any non-nickname (ie, Bob, Sue, Rich) which is longer than three letters long and is admissible in a game of Scrabble is not a suitable name for a child. I'm talking to you, people who name your kids Hunter, Rivers, Apple and Tanner.
Addendum 1: Theological Virtues and Gifts or Fruits of the Holy Spirit are grudgingly accepted. Hope and Faith, we'll let you two slide. But only if the parents have had so many kids that they're out of real names.
Addendum 2: Last names of all former American Presidents are off-limits. That means no Madisons, no Lincolns, no Taylors. Sorry, the almanac is not a baby names book.
Some Thoughts I Had As I Was Running
The Harley-Davidson 105th Anniversary celebration is in town, and I must say it's kind of intimidating. You know the experience: you're running down Wisconsin Ave like a little dork (you have that feeling too, right?) when a burly biker pulls up next to you, clad in leather and sporting impressive facial hair. Then you see her husband and you get really nervous.
Seriously, though, every biker I've encountered has been really cool. Case in point: in the middle of a stream of Harley riders, there was one guy in a preppy pastel polo and khaki shorts, wearing salmon colored sunglasses. Riding a Yamaha. Yet none of the bikers did what I wanted to do: rough him up and take his lunch money.
There's a building on Prospect Ave with a sign that says "Body Awareness." I'm not sure what that means. I keep expecting someone to pop out as I run by and yell "You have a body!" I imagine the response they're looking for is "Holy crap, I do!"
Seriously, though, every biker I've encountered has been really cool. Case in point: in the middle of a stream of Harley riders, there was one guy in a preppy pastel polo and khaki shorts, wearing salmon colored sunglasses. Riding a Yamaha. Yet none of the bikers did what I wanted to do: rough him up and take his lunch money.
There's a building on Prospect Ave with a sign that says "Body Awareness." I'm not sure what that means. I keep expecting someone to pop out as I run by and yell "You have a body!" I imagine the response they're looking for is "Holy crap, I do!"
Why I Hate Flying
Ok, so hate is a strong word. Maybe more like "Why I Never Feel Very Comfortable Flying."
It's not the food. I'll eat pretty much anything. It's not the lack of space or the fact that sudden pressure changes wreak havoc on my eardrum that's mainly made of neck tissue (That's a long story, on a related note I'm traumatized by monkeys with cymbals and anything artificially banana flavored. But I digress.)
No, the real reason I don't like flying is much more pragmatic. I don't actually believe that it works. Sure, I learned about Bernoulli and all that in high school. I've seen experiments involving paper airplanes or ping pong balls. But there's the difference. A sheet of paper or a tiny, thin piece of hollow plastic does not compare the 20-ton behemoths we supposedly get up into the sky every day.
A 747 is nothing more than a heavy piece of metal with a couple of ridiculous wings attached. That pretty much sounds like a 50's Cadillac to me. And pound for pound, I'd say Elvis's car has a better chance of getting off the ground than one of those things.
And that's just the plane itself. Then you add a couple hundred people--and I mean good, solid Americans--whose average weight is certainly much closer to "Elvis" than "ping pong ball."
No, I don't believe there is a natural force on earth that could get that much steel and flesh up to 500 mph at an altitude of 6 miles (except maybe Arnold Schwarenegger colliding with Vin Diesel at near light-speeds. And we know that's impossible because they would burn up from the friction before they could reach each other.*)
I believe what's really happening here is pure voodoo magic. Some airline employee snaps the neck of a chicken right before takeoff. The airlines certainly aren't spending the money to sacrifice a goat for every flight. To fund that, they'd have to start charging passengers $10 for a bag of pretzels or $8 for no bag of pretzels. And now that I've written that down on the internet, some airline is going to start doing that anyway.
Anyway, since I don't believe in air travel I never worry about whether the mechanics did their job. I only worry that the medicine man (who probably works for the TSA) is doing the same half-arsed job all the other airline employees are doing. What if he's drunkenly performing the rituals wrong? Or only sacrificing one chicken for every two flights?
So instead I pray to the Catholic God (you know, the real one. That there's three of, but only one of) and figure He'll sort things out. It will be nice to get to heaven before Elvis--who's still out there somewhere, probably impersonating Paul McCartney.
* Obligatory pun: Diesel spontaneously combusts at 410 degrees Fahrenheit.
It's not the food. I'll eat pretty much anything. It's not the lack of space or the fact that sudden pressure changes wreak havoc on my eardrum that's mainly made of neck tissue (That's a long story, on a related note I'm traumatized by monkeys with cymbals and anything artificially banana flavored. But I digress.)
No, the real reason I don't like flying is much more pragmatic. I don't actually believe that it works. Sure, I learned about Bernoulli and all that in high school. I've seen experiments involving paper airplanes or ping pong balls. But there's the difference. A sheet of paper or a tiny, thin piece of hollow plastic does not compare the 20-ton behemoths we supposedly get up into the sky every day.
A 747 is nothing more than a heavy piece of metal with a couple of ridiculous wings attached. That pretty much sounds like a 50's Cadillac to me. And pound for pound, I'd say Elvis's car has a better chance of getting off the ground than one of those things.
And that's just the plane itself. Then you add a couple hundred people--and I mean good, solid Americans--whose average weight is certainly much closer to "Elvis" than "ping pong ball."
No, I don't believe there is a natural force on earth that could get that much steel and flesh up to 500 mph at an altitude of 6 miles (except maybe Arnold Schwarenegger colliding with Vin Diesel at near light-speeds. And we know that's impossible because they would burn up from the friction before they could reach each other.*)
I believe what's really happening here is pure voodoo magic. Some airline employee snaps the neck of a chicken right before takeoff. The airlines certainly aren't spending the money to sacrifice a goat for every flight. To fund that, they'd have to start charging passengers $10 for a bag of pretzels or $8 for no bag of pretzels. And now that I've written that down on the internet, some airline is going to start doing that anyway.
Anyway, since I don't believe in air travel I never worry about whether the mechanics did their job. I only worry that the medicine man (who probably works for the TSA) is doing the same half-arsed job all the other airline employees are doing. What if he's drunkenly performing the rituals wrong? Or only sacrificing one chicken for every two flights?
So instead I pray to the Catholic God (you know, the real one. That there's three of, but only one of) and figure He'll sort things out. It will be nice to get to heaven before Elvis--who's still out there somewhere, probably impersonating Paul McCartney.
* Obligatory pun: Diesel spontaneously combusts at 410 degrees Fahrenheit.
Feeding the Trolls
I love the internet. There's nowhere else on earth that a conversation about a neutral topic like Javascript can get so personal so fast.
Observe.
Observe.
People Get Grants for This?
A new study shows that non-smokers who are married to smokers have a higher risk of stroke.
Allow me to paraphrase: All things being equal, people who spend more time inhaling cigarette smoke have more health issues than those who don't.
Some studies created the technology that cured polio and sent humans to the moon. Other studies brought us the technology that puts new improved nose hair trimmers in SkyMall catalogs.
Allow me to paraphrase: All things being equal, people who spend more time inhaling cigarette smoke have more health issues than those who don't.
Some studies created the technology that cured polio and sent humans to the moon. Other studies brought us the technology that puts new improved nose hair trimmers in SkyMall catalogs.
Things That Are Beautiful About Milwaukee
Part 1 of a continuing series:
Milwaukee wind is notorious for managing to always blow in your face, no matter which direction you're facing. The maze of downtown buildings wraps it around and brings it back at you at just that moment when you thought you had escaped it.
That is not necessarily desirable in the winter. But for a few months a year, Milwaukee manages not to be winter. The climate takes a deep breath and gathers its energy like a lazy man getting out of a recliner. Eventually he heaves himself up and temperatures nudge their way into the upper 80's or 90's. He staggers to the fridge for a beer and soon enough it's winter again, but for those couple of months, the wind is wonderful.
The wind
Milwaukee wind is notorious for managing to always blow in your face, no matter which direction you're facing. The maze of downtown buildings wraps it around and brings it back at you at just that moment when you thought you had escaped it.
That is not necessarily desirable in the winter. But for a few months a year, Milwaukee manages not to be winter. The climate takes a deep breath and gathers its energy like a lazy man getting out of a recliner. Eventually he heaves himself up and temperatures nudge their way into the upper 80's or 90's. He staggers to the fridge for a beer and soon enough it's winter again, but for those couple of months, the wind is wonderful.
More Mike News!
I just finished putting the Mike Mangione lyrics site live. It doesn't have all of the lyrics to every song yet, but I'm working on it. Every bit of help...well, helps. So if you know the lyrics to a song, visit the site and send me a message over there.
Mike even linked to it from his site, which makes me feel pretty good inside.
MikeMangioneLyrics.com
Mike even linked to it from his site, which makes me feel pretty good inside.
MikeMangioneLyrics.com
UPD4TE!!!!1!!
A spam email warns me "SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND WANTS YOU DEAD."
This is pretty depressing. It's one thing to have spam constantly insinuating that your manhood isn't up to standard, but I've never seen one that foretells your imminent death. I'm not sure I like the direction the internet is going anymore.
This is pretty depressing. It's one thing to have spam constantly insinuating that your manhood isn't up to standard, but I've never seen one that foretells your imminent death. I'm not sure I like the direction the internet is going anymore.
What the Heck, Facebook?
Facebook's ads must be automatically generated based on my profile information. There's no way a human could make something as tacky as some of those ads are.
Observe:
Observe:
I Can Has Website
And I does! www.aaronmorey.org.
Sorry, I've never reference LOLcats before (and for good reason, they're as close as you can come to being below the intelligence level of this blog) but it's late and I'm not practicing good judgment.
Sorry, I've never reference LOLcats before (and for good reason, they're as close as you can come to being below the intelligence level of this blog) but it's late and I'm not practicing good judgment.
Things You Learn
Wearing your work ID badge into the confessional for face-to-face confession kills that last little glimmer of anonymity.
The Election Better Go My Way
It's a long tradition among actors to make threats if elections don't go the way they want them to. Since having good bone structure and being a good pretender is enough to make these people political experts, I don't think being homely and ignorant should keep me from expressing my opinions.
Let me just say it here: if Obama is elected, I will move to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. You heard me. I actually intend to go through with this, unlike any actor so far. I won't be escaping to the land of bidets and tiny cars, but I will still have things to look forward to.
Top Ten Ways to Know You're In Wisconsin
10) You are having someone read this list to you because your eyelashes are frozen together.
9) You are reading this list yourself thanks to your excellent MPS education.
8) John Madden is still saying the name of your town.
7) One good night at the plate in your softball league and Alderman McGee keeps calling your house.
6) You know that "the giant bronze Winkler" isn't anything dirty.
5) Someone in the room cares that the Brewers just dipped below .500.
4) You got teary eyed from reading the number of this item.
3) You are pre-gaming for the Packer's opener already.
2) You're pretty pumped for Pirate Fest.
1) Guy who was supposed to write number 1 fell in a pothole and hasn't been seen in three days.
Let me just say it here: if Obama is elected, I will move to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. You heard me. I actually intend to go through with this, unlike any actor so far. I won't be escaping to the land of bidets and tiny cars, but I will still have things to look forward to.
Top Ten Ways to Know You're In Wisconsin
10) You are having someone read this list to you because your eyelashes are frozen together.
9) You are reading this list yourself thanks to your excellent MPS education.
8) John Madden is still saying the name of your town.
7) One good night at the plate in your softball league and Alderman McGee keeps calling your house.
6) You know that "the giant bronze Winkler" isn't anything dirty.
5) Someone in the room cares that the Brewers just dipped below .500.
4) You got teary eyed from reading the number of this item.
3) You are pre-gaming for the Packer's opener already.
2) You're pretty pumped for Pirate Fest.
1) Guy who was supposed to write number 1 fell in a pothole and hasn't been seen in three days.
Gas Still Cheaper Than High Life
But it's getting closer.The difference is that I don't go through 2/3 of a gallon of High Life every time I drive to my friends' houses across town. Things would be more interesting if I did, though...
Food for Thought
The bible is long and complicated, and you live a busy life. So let an accredited theologian (me) do the work for you.
Today's Passage in a Minute is Acts 10:9-22.
Summary
God shows Peter some non-kosher animals and say "Eat them." Peter says no. God says "eat them," and Peter says no. God says "Shut up listen to me. Eat them." Peter says ok. Some people come over and Peter has dinner with them.
Live it out!
Find a centurion and go out for Baconators. Be sure to get cheese so it will be as non-kosher as possible.
Reflection
Ponder your mortality as your cholesterol level rises to the heavens like "a burnt offering... an aroma pleasing to the Lord."
Today's Passage in a Minute is Acts 10:9-22.
Summary
God shows Peter some non-kosher animals and say "Eat them." Peter says no. God says "eat them," and Peter says no. God says "Shut up listen to me. Eat them." Peter says ok. Some people come over and Peter has dinner with them.
Live it out!
Find a centurion and go out for Baconators. Be sure to get cheese so it will be as non-kosher as possible.
Reflection
Ponder your mortality as your cholesterol level rises to the heavens like "a burnt offering... an aroma pleasing to the Lord."
Crusader Poetry
I came across an article about an ancient crusader with a particularly interesting tomb.
According to one source, an inscription on his tomb reads: "You who tread upon me, you will also be trodden upon: think about that, and pray for me." So just to be safe, the people who maintain the church he's resting in made sure to put a sheet of glass over his tomb.
The guy's name is (seriously) Anselme de Cays. I was inspired to write a limerick.
*And if you're not going to spend any time in purgatory at all, you're probably not the kind of person who needs an ulterior motive to pray for somebody.
According to one source, an inscription on his tomb reads: "You who tread upon me, you will also be trodden upon: think about that, and pray for me." So just to be safe, the people who maintain the church he's resting in made sure to put a sheet of glass over his tomb.
The guy's name is (seriously) Anselme de Cays. I was inspired to write a limerick.
There's a tomb where a Knight Templar lays.Seriously, though, you should say a prayer for him. When you're sitting in purgatory* sweating off the effects of your sins, you'll want a Crusader praying for you.
If one day his body is raised
The worm and the heat
(If not trampling feet)
Will ensure we see Anselme deCays.
*And if you're not going to spend any time in purgatory at all, you're probably not the kind of person who needs an ulterior motive to pray for somebody.
Presidential Thoughts
I was thinking about Ron Paul earlier today, but when his name entered my head I said "John Paul" to myself instead. So, constitutionally speaking, can you write in a deceased Polish-born Roman for president?
A bit more self-publicizing
For those of you who are curious (and I mainly mean Google's searchbots), I'm working on a Mike Mangione lyrics site. There's a full listing of songs here.
The Great Duh-vorce
If you haven't read The Great Divorce by CS Lewis, you're missing out. go to the library and get it.
The premise is that a bunch of souls take a bus ride out of hell into the outskirts of heaven. So this book is pretty much about a bunch of spirits floating around. Strangely, this must not be as obvious as I thought. When we encounter a character named Dick on page 39, a reader felt need to make special note of this, to another reader's exasperation.
The premise is that a bunch of souls take a bus ride out of hell into the outskirts of heaven. So this book is pretty much about a bunch of spirits floating around. Strangely, this must not be as obvious as I thought. When we encounter a character named Dick on page 39, a reader felt need to make special note of this, to another reader's exasperation.
Publicity
This doesn't really serve much purpose other than to push Google to index my main web page. So go visit Aaron Morey's main site at dizzy.zacintosh.com. Be warned it's not in tip-top shape right now. I'm lacking in the time to fix everything that needs to be fixed, so this is all as-is. I really have made better web pages than that, believe it or not.
In the near future, the location of the site may change. I'll try to remember to go back and update this then.
Thank you,
The Management
In the near future, the location of the site may change. I'll try to remember to go back and update this then.
Thank you,
The Management
Monk Rock
Lame pun, I know.
But how else do you title a post about a group of monks who does Gregorian chant covers of popular music?
Some of them include Tears in Heaven, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, The Sound of Silence and My Immortal.
Strangely, one of the best is Losing My Religion.
Update: I'm not sure if they're really monks...
But how else do you title a post about a group of monks who does Gregorian chant covers of popular music?
Some of them include Tears in Heaven, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, The Sound of Silence and My Immortal.
Strangely, one of the best is Losing My Religion.
Update: I'm not sure if they're really monks...
Speaking of John C. Wright
It's Like Pizza Flavored Beer!*
Those who know me, know that I love several things: The Lord of the Rings, humor and pointless arguments. Thanks to a post linked by John C. Wright, I am able to indulge all of those in a single blog post: Lord of the Rings and Property Law.
Don't know anything about property law? Neither does 95% of the rest of the internet. Don't let that stop you from commenting!
*
Don't know anything about property law? Neither does 95% of the rest of the internet. Don't let that stop you from commenting!
*
The Peanuts Are Complimentary*
In a previous post about Mike Mangione, I used the word "complimentary." Normally I'm a bit of a stickler for proper English, but I'm not completely sure whether I used the correct synonym.
*
*
A Flametroll Movie Poll
This is a poll. I know there are at least a couple of readers out there. Do me a favor and leave a quick comment telling me whether I'm on the right track with this. Among my friends, I'm apparently in the great minority on this issue, so I'd like to know if I'm crazy.
Having seen it again, I repeat my impression of the movie: a shrug and and "ehh." I didn't hate it. I just didn't particularly like it. To me, it didn't mean anything. A lot of stuff happened, but why? For what purpose? What should I take away from this movie?
Everyone asked how I could like Lord of the Rings and not like Pan's Labyrinth. Because The Lord of the Rings means something. It shows human virtue in the face of evil. At its best (and the movie messes up Faramir when it doesn't understand this point), it shows that seizing ultimate power (the Ring) eats you up and spits you out. It shows a Christian understanding of stewardship over nature (why do you think the Ents join the good guys instead of joining Saruman?) And ultimately it comes to a satisfying conclusion. Bad guys get their comeuppance, good guys get their just desserts. The old, whose time is passing, are escorted off to Paradise.
Pan's Labyrinth couldn't muster any of this. Instead, it ends in a pile of corpses. How should I feel about this display of special effects movie blood? I shrug and I'll have forgotten the movie tomorrow.
I saw Pan's Labyrinth for the second time last night. Before we put it on, I commented that I didn't think it was a very good movie. Immediately, I got slammed with all 10 people in the room telling me what a great movie it was. The phrases "artistic masterpiece" and "best movie ever" were actually used.
Having seen it again, I repeat my impression of the movie: a shrug and and "ehh." I didn't hate it. I just didn't particularly like it. To me, it didn't mean anything. A lot of stuff happened, but why? For what purpose? What should I take away from this movie?
Everyone asked how I could like Lord of the Rings and not like Pan's Labyrinth. Because The Lord of the Rings means something. It shows human virtue in the face of evil. At its best (and the movie messes up Faramir when it doesn't understand this point), it shows that seizing ultimate power (the Ring) eats you up and spits you out. It shows a Christian understanding of stewardship over nature (why do you think the Ents join the good guys instead of joining Saruman?) And ultimately it comes to a satisfying conclusion. Bad guys get their comeuppance, good guys get their just desserts. The old, whose time is passing, are escorted off to Paradise.
Pan's Labyrinth couldn't muster any of this. Instead, it ends in a pile of corpses. How should I feel about this display of special effects movie blood? I shrug and I'll have forgotten the movie tomorrow.
I Sometimes Tell People I Have the Memory Span of a Goldfish
Apparently, that's insulting toward goldfish.
Political Polytheism?
By now, I'm sure we all know that Barack Obama is the Messiah.
But how many of us are aware that Hillary Clinton is too? According to James Carville, Gov. Bill Richardson is guilty of selling the Clintons out for thirty pieces of silver.
Apparently, Richardson doesn't set his sights high enough. Silver is currently hovering around $17 an ounce, while gold is pushing a grand.
But I digress (that's what I do). What's really important is that we find out who the real Messiah is, and pronto. When he/she comes back and we're worshipping the wrong Messiah, there's going to be hell to pay (literally, heh. Rimshot.).
Here are some options:
John McCain - He actually got tortured. Also, he's the one in the race who is most likely to respond to the name "Ancient of Days."
Ron Paul - The "John Dear, SJ Jesus." Came to overthrow the power of Caesar, got whacked by his own people.
Steve Adams - I don't even know who he is:
But how many of us are aware that Hillary Clinton is too? According to James Carville, Gov. Bill Richardson is guilty of selling the Clintons out for thirty pieces of silver.
Apparently, Richardson doesn't set his sights high enough. Silver is currently hovering around $17 an ounce, while gold is pushing a grand.
But I digress (that's what I do). What's really important is that we find out who the real Messiah is, and pronto. When he/she comes back and we're worshipping the wrong Messiah, there's going to be hell to pay (literally, heh. Rimshot.).
Here are some options:
John McCain - He actually got tortured. Also, he's the one in the race who is most likely to respond to the name "Ancient of Days."
Ron Paul - The "John Dear, SJ Jesus." Came to overthrow the power of Caesar, got whacked by his own people.
Steve Adams - I don't even know who he is:
Mike is Hitting it Big
A couple of months ago, I broke the story of Mike Mangione to the world of blogs. Catching up with the trend, the widely-read Catholic blog American Papist has a profile of Mike and the band.
Go check it out, the coverage is extremely complimentary. There's even some video of the show.
Update: Buy his new CD Tenebrae
Spirituality in the Bathroom
I was thinking the other day about a situation that came up with a friend and I a couple of years ago. A friend of mine goes to a Franciscan school and I go to a Jesuit school. When we were both assigned to clean bathrooms as a part of the service team on a retreat, the following situation arose:
There was a stall where someone kept locking it from the inside and then getting out somehow, leaving the stall locked. My friend and I both encountered this stall, but we didn't compare notes about it until later. My friend got into the stall by getting on the floor and crawling under the door. Once inside, he cleaned the toilet, unlocked the door and left. When it was my turn to clean that stall, I twisted the piece of metal on the outside of the door that connects to the inside lock handle. The door opened. I cleaned the toilet.
I think that, in a nutshell, illustrates the difference between Jesuit and Franciscan spirituality.
There was a stall where someone kept locking it from the inside and then getting out somehow, leaving the stall locked. My friend and I both encountered this stall, but we didn't compare notes about it until later. My friend got into the stall by getting on the floor and crawling under the door. Once inside, he cleaned the toilet, unlocked the door and left. When it was my turn to clean that stall, I twisted the piece of metal on the outside of the door that connects to the inside lock handle. The door opened. I cleaned the toilet.
I think that, in a nutshell, illustrates the difference between Jesuit and Franciscan spirituality.
Alex Trebek: Invincible?
Judge for yourself:
Source: Wikipedia
On Friday, January 30, 2004, Trebek escaped major injury after falling asleep behind the wheel of his pickup truck while driving alone on a rural road in the Central Coast town of Templeton, California, returning from a family home in Lake Nacimiento. The truck sideswiped a string of mailboxes, flew 45 feet over an embankment, and came to rest against a utility pole in a ditch. Trebek was not cited for the accident and returned to work taping Jeopardy! the following Tuesday.and
On December 11, 2007, Trebek was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after suffering a minor heart attack in his home. He was released on December 15, 2007. Trebek returned to the production of Jeopardy! as scheduled on January 14, 2008 to tape the Teen Tournament.AND
In late 2001, during Jeopardy!'s 18th season, Trebek shaved the mustache that he had worn for over 30 years.Now I don't want to jump to conclusions, but he might be immortal.
Source: Wikipedia
Public Service Announcement
Hi everyone, I'm here today to talk about a very important and rather baffling public health issue. Yes, I think you know what I mean: sidewalk underwear.
As I am walking down the sidewalk looking at my feet like all good introverts do, with disturbing frequency I see an item of underwear lying there on the ground. Why is that?
My faithful public, this is Milwaukee! It's February. The temperature never cracked double digits yesterday. There is no reason to need to remove your undergarments. Anything you don't keep covered is in serious risk of frostbite.
And besides that, there is no good reason to place your removed undergarments on the sidewalk. There are trashcans at frequent intervals throughout the city. You may safely and confidentially dispose of your used underwear in any of those recepticals. Think of them as your very own publicly funded laundry hampers, assuming you never want to see your laundry again.
Ladies and gentlemen, I urge you to take a stand against sidewalk underwear this winter! Neither Barack Obama nor Hillary Clinton addressed this issue while they were in town. Don't allow them to "skirt" the issue. We must get to the "bottom" of this!
As I am walking down the sidewalk looking at my feet like all good introverts do, with disturbing frequency I see an item of underwear lying there on the ground. Why is that?
My faithful public, this is Milwaukee! It's February. The temperature never cracked double digits yesterday. There is no reason to need to remove your undergarments. Anything you don't keep covered is in serious risk of frostbite.
And besides that, there is no good reason to place your removed undergarments on the sidewalk. There are trashcans at frequent intervals throughout the city. You may safely and confidentially dispose of your used underwear in any of those recepticals. Think of them as your very own publicly funded laundry hampers, assuming you never want to see your laundry again.
Ladies and gentlemen, I urge you to take a stand against sidewalk underwear this winter! Neither Barack Obama nor Hillary Clinton addressed this issue while they were in town. Don't allow them to "skirt" the issue. We must get to the "bottom" of this!
Dietary Update
What I ate yesterday:
I'm doing ok, considering.
- Cinnamon Toast Crunch
- Bacon and Beans
- Banana
- Yogurt
- Peanut butter sandwich
- Chips Ahoy
- Leftover Hamburger Helper
I'm doing ok, considering.
Haikus
Today in Theology 135 (Theology of the Early Church) we learned about the history of Judaism. This is remarkable similar to what we learned yesterday in Theo 184 (Judaism). So I wrote haikus instead.
Oh great destructionSomewhat more flippantly, I also came up with this:
The Holy of Holies burned
One wall left standing.
How they weep and wail
Rebecca, hear your children!
Can God be with us?
Where will He live now?
What tabernacle could hold
Blazing shekinah?
God becomes content
—His glory in disguise—
To dwell in our guts
Nice coincidenceAnd:
Babylonian exile
Has good syllables
Let's all write haiku
And soon enough discover
Who here can count
For the Sake of the Fish
I love NPR. They always have reports about weird little issues that you would never hear about anywhere else.I was listening to the radio today and they had a long, straight-faced report about the plight of the delta smelt. They probably didn't care all that much about the issue itself (although it was interesting). Mostly, it seemed they just wanted to see how many times they could say "delta smelt" in a single report and still be taken seriously (I think it must have been about 30).
In the end, though, I was disappointed that they finished up with out any "you smelta, you delta" jokes.
