Donating Blood*

I'm a hero. I saved two lives today. Did Superman save two lives today? No. Superman doesn't even exist. And if he did exist he would be a deadbeat dad. Are you saying that deadbeat dads are heroes? I don't think so, you sicko. Superman is actually way less of a hero than I am.

The best thing about this kind of heroism is that it causes low blood sugar and drowsiness. I used that as an excuse to nap at my desk all afternoon. Hey, I saved two lives today. Wake me up with you accomplish something.

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*I almost typed "donuting" blood, which is not too far off.