Free Marketing Advice!

How is it that both Apple and Google have passed up the opportunity to use the tagline "The television will be revolutionized"?

Your Thought of the Day

Isn't Sammy Hagar going to feel foolish if scientists discover another way to rock? Unless you have a rock-solid nonexistence proof that has been thoroughly peer reviewed, it's probably not wise to make such stark pronouncements.

Easily Confused English Words

Working with international contractors has taught me a lot of things. For instance I've learned several English words that I don't think of as related are more similar than English speakers might think.

The morning of our epic USA vs India softball game, I had a discussion with the captain of Team India about what equipment we would be using. The conversation went something like this:

Captain: What other equipment do we need?

Me: You don't absolutely need to but I'm going to wear cleats.

Other contractor overhearing the conversation: [shocked look] What? Why?

Me: They're better for running.

Captain and me: Conversation continues...

OCOTC: [Sudden look of comprehension] Oh! I thought you meant kilts.

Also "pecan" and "bacon" are not related. Even vegetarians can eat pecans.

I can neither confirm nor deny at this time whether kilts are better for running.

Going Thought Blind

Ahem. Well, then. I think we all learned an important lesson about late night drinking and blogging, didn't we? Let's just move on then.

Have you ever gone thought-blind? I've noticed this phenomenon before, but I only put a name to it recently. It happens when you're so lost in thought that you lose track of what you're physically doing. One time while I was really concentrating at work, I got up and went to the bathroom. Suddenly I snapped back to self-awareness and had a moment of panic as I realized I HAD MY PANTS DOWN AT WORK!

Another time, I actually tried to carry on a conversation. I went to buy a drink and the conversation with the girl at the register went something like this:
Register Girl: Hi
Me: Hi, how are you?
RG: I'm fine.
Me [anticipating "and you?"]: Good, thanks.

So I guess the question is, have you ever gone thought-stupid?

Like Who?

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

That's what says anyway. Also, my mom says I'm a very special and talented boy, but that's probably mostly because she doesn't know about this blog.

Wedding Season!

I love pretty much everything about weddings. Free meals. Open bars. Dressing like James Bond. The only time it makes sense to listen to "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. I don't think I need to enumerate all the reasons to you because if you're reading this, odds are that you have been at all the same weddings as I have anyway.

Here's the weird thing about wedding season. The sheer number of friends or passing-acquaintances-who-you-see-at-events-like-weddings who ask you (and by "you" I mean "me," but probably "you" too) "So, are you dating anyone?" then give you this funny look like they're wondering why you, America's Most Eligible /Bachelor(ette)*$/, are still single . Sorry to disappoint all my married (or seminary-attending) friends (or passing-acquaintances-who-I-see-at-events-like-weddings). As another friend put it, "It's not a disease."

I'd just like to note that I punctuated the hell out of that sentence.

Also, that regular expression parses in Ruby. For Unix "grep -e", remove the forward slashes and substitute square brackets for parentheses. For Perl, pound randomly on your keyboard and see what happens. For Java, copy and paste all thirty lines of boilerplate from the first site that shows up in your Google search. For Python, just walk down the hall and ask Guido because you probably already work at Google.

Another footnote? What is this, "The Wasteland?"

Rollin' With Ballmer's Posse

Microsoft has literally become that rich kid from high school that no one wants to be friends with: using money to make people "like" them.

Spoiler Alert!

An overview of the travel/time travel on Lost:

Lost diagram
Click for full size

Also, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.

Judging By the Commercials...

..the key demographic for The Office on CW18 at 10:30pm is people who might buy an Audi and people who need lawyers.

Have I become a Goldman Sachs executive?!

Hypocrisy, Deception, or Feigned Ignorance*

I was talking to a friend today about a wedding he's going to this weekend. It was originally planned to be outdoors but the wedding planner convinced the bride to move indoors because it was likely to rain on her wedding day.

"That's ironic" I said.

Either no one got it or no one thought it was funny (presumably the latter) because there was no reaction. Which is alright for everyone else because they aren't the ones with the song running through their head the rest of the afternoon.

It's like ray-ee-yain... On your wehhh-diiing day!

Ha! You're welcome suckers!

* I rarely need to feign.

Have I Ever Said that I Love Ruby?

In just 34 lines of code, I wrote a script to take all of the files in a particular directory, search for the desired filetype and resize those images to a specific maximum size.

Here's a sample method:
def append_before_extension(filepath, append_string)
ext = File.extname(filepath)
base = File.basename(filepath, ext)
return base + append_string + ext

Why can't Java make file processing so simple? Why can't I just use Ruby all the time?

I Appreciate the Effort

But do they really need to package a user manual with my cell phone wall charger?

New Policy in Place

I found this above the comment section at the Motley Fool.

I propose that this caveat be adapted for the comment section of all websites. I'll be doing my part!

Lent Post

Taco Bell's cheesy bean and rice tortilla almost makes Friday nights in Lent not feel like penance. Fortunately, this being Taco Bell, Saturday morning will often make up for it.

What the Heck Facebook: Part N+π of an M+π Part Series

Speaking of offensive facebook dating ads (Actually, you may not have been, but I was):

Catch and Release

Liveblogging the State of the Union

Yes, that last post means exactly what you feared it might mean... I'm liveblogging a political event! I'm dying to see Barney Frank again, but I might be out of "look how drunk he looks!" jokes. But boogers are still on the table. Err, I mean...

Without further ado:

Nancy Pelosi is wearing her beldam hair today: Nancy Pelosi
Other Mother

Obama said: "The most difficult [letters] to read are from children." He didn't add "Their handwriting is terrible."

Obama: "As hard as it may be, as uncomfortable as it may seem..."
Mike: "That's what she said."

So now somebody decides to do something about student loans. What about recent graduates?

In solidarity with the victims of childhood obesity, Michelle Obama refused to stand up or move in any way.

Obama: "No bills should be obstructed by a single political party."
Me: "Ahem! Not that I'm talking to anyone in particular. *Cough*Republicans*Cough*"
Obama (sounding defensive): "I'm talking to both parties here!"

So, uhh, that was it. I'm a little disappointed myself, and I didn't even waste the last minute and a half of my life reading this blog. Sucker!

Obama's State of the Union Shocker

"Due to low poll ratings, Jay Leno will be taking over as president."

"Bear Grylls doesn't show you how to stay alive.."

"...he shows you how to be alive"

Translation: Bear Grylls shows you how to nearly kill yourself on a weekly basis.