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Also, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.
Spoiler Alert!
An overview of the travel/time travel on Lost:
Click for full size
Also, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.
Click for full size
Also, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.
Judging By the Commercials...
..the key demographic for The Office on CW18 at 10:30pm is people who might buy an Audi and people who need lawyers.
Have I become a Goldman Sachs executive?!
Have I become a Goldman Sachs executive?!
Hypocrisy, Deception, or Feigned Ignorance*
I was talking to a friend today about a wedding he's going to this weekend. It was originally planned to be outdoors but the wedding planner convinced the bride to move indoors because it was likely to rain on her wedding day.
"That's ironic" I said.
Either no one got it or no one thought it was funny (presumably the latter) because there was no reaction. Which is alright for everyone else because they aren't the ones with the song running through their head the rest of the afternoon.
It's like ray-ee-yain... On your wehhh-diiing day!
Ha! You're welcome suckers!
* I rarely need to feign.
"That's ironic" I said.
Either no one got it or no one thought it was funny (presumably the latter) because there was no reaction. Which is alright for everyone else because they aren't the ones with the song running through their head the rest of the afternoon.
It's like ray-ee-yain... On your wehhh-diiing day!
Ha! You're welcome suckers!
* I rarely need to feign.
Have I Ever Said that I Love Ruby?
In just 34 lines of code, I wrote a script to take all of the files in a particular directory, search for the desired filetype and resize those images to a specific maximum size.
Here's a sample method:
Why can't Java make file processing so simple? Why can't I just use Ruby all the time?
Here's a sample method:
def append_before_extension(filepath, append_string)
ext = File.extname(filepath)
base = File.basename(filepath, ext)
return base + append_string + ext
end
Why can't Java make file processing so simple? Why can't I just use Ruby all the time?
I Appreciate the Effort
But do they really need to package a user manual with my cell phone wall charger?
New Policy in Place
I found this above the comment section at the Motley Fool.
I propose that this caveat be adapted for the comment section of all websites. I'll be doing my part!
I propose that this caveat be adapted for the comment section of all websites. I'll be doing my part!
Lent Post
Taco Bell's cheesy bean and rice tortilla almost makes Friday nights in Lent not feel like penance. Fortunately, this being Taco Bell, Saturday morning will often make up for it.
What the Heck Facebook: Part N+π of an M+π Part Series
Speaking of offensive facebook dating ads (Actually, you may not have been, but I was):
Liveblogging the State of the Union
Yes, that last post means exactly what you feared it might mean... I'm liveblogging a political event! I'm dying to see Barney Frank again, but I might be out of "look how drunk he looks!" jokes. But boogers are still on the table. Err, I mean...
Without further ado:
Nancy Pelosi is wearing her beldam hair today:
Obama said: "The most difficult [letters] to read are from children." He didn't add "Their handwriting is terrible."
Obama: "As hard as it may be, as uncomfortable as it may seem..."
Mike: "That's what she said."
So now somebody decides to do something about student loans. What about recent graduates?
In solidarity with the victims of childhood obesity, Michelle Obama refused to stand up or move in any way.
Obama: "No bills should be obstructed by a single political party."
Me: "Ahem! Not that I'm talking to anyone in particular. *Cough*Republicans*Cough*"
Obama (sounding defensive): "I'm talking to both parties here!"
So, uhh, that was it. I'm a little disappointed myself, and I didn't even waste the last minute and a half of my life reading this blog. Sucker!
Without further ado:
Nancy Pelosi is wearing her beldam hair today:
Obama said: "The most difficult [letters] to read are from children." He didn't add "Their handwriting is terrible."
Obama: "As hard as it may be, as uncomfortable as it may seem..."
Mike: "That's what she said."
So now somebody decides to do something about student loans. What about recent graduates?
In solidarity with the victims of childhood obesity, Michelle Obama refused to stand up or move in any way.
Obama: "No bills should be obstructed by a single political party."
Me: "Ahem! Not that I'm talking to anyone in particular. *Cough*Republicans*Cough*"
Obama (sounding defensive): "I'm talking to both parties here!"
So, uhh, that was it. I'm a little disappointed myself, and I didn't even waste the last minute and a half of my life reading this blog. Sucker!
Obama's State of the Union Shocker
"Due to low poll ratings, Jay Leno will be taking over as president."
"Bear Grylls doesn't show you how to stay alive.."
"...he shows you how to be alive"
Translation: Bear Grylls shows you how to nearly kill yourself on a weekly basis.
Translation: Bear Grylls shows you how to nearly kill yourself on a weekly basis.
People on the Bus Part I: Rockstar
Now that I ride the bus everyday, I encounter all kinds of people I wouldn't normally run into. And since I take the same bus every morning and evening I recognize them, like the supporting characters in the critically acclaimed, low ratings sitcom of my daily life. I've been meaning to document them here for the enjoyment of all, but I kept forgetting...until today.
Character #1 is a guy I call Rockstar. He got the name because he looks like how I imagine David Cook will look in about 10 years. Long brown hair, goatee, Bono jacket with more straps and zippers than are actually practical.
Anyway, today he went so far over the top that I remembered I had been meaning to blog about him. He was wearing a fur-lined, ear-flapped, Russian Comrade hat. And it was big. I realize that all furry ear-flap hats are big, but this was huge. Ludicrously big. Burt-Reynold's-cowboy-hat big.
Sorry, Rockstar. For the winter, you shall be known as Turd Ferguson.
For the record, that furry hat picture comes courtesy of bigfurhats.com. Some people really know how to nail their target market with a domain name and I applaud them.
Character #1 is a guy I call Rockstar. He got the name because he looks like how I imagine David Cook will look in about 10 years. Long brown hair, goatee, Bono jacket with more straps and zippers than are actually practical.
Anyway, today he went so far over the top that I remembered I had been meaning to blog about him. He was wearing a fur-lined, ear-flapped, Russian Comrade hat. And it was big. I realize that all furry ear-flap hats are big, but this was huge. Ludicrously big. Burt-Reynold's-cowboy-hat big.
Sorry, Rockstar. For the winter, you shall be known as Turd Ferguson.
For the record, that furry hat picture comes courtesy of bigfurhats.com. Some people really know how to nail their target market with a domain name and I applaud them.
I Finally Figured It Out
My subconscious mind is kind of like Clippy.Today I was attempting to drive to Mayfair Mall. The mall is about a mile from St. Mary's Church, the only other reason I ever venture into that section of town.
My subconscious brain popped up with a little yellow speech bubble that said "It looks like you're trying to get to St. Mary's. I'll drive you there." My conscious brain was wondering what it is that people seem to like about the song "Wonderful Christmastime" so it made no objections.
Once I finally came to the conclusion that there is nothing to say in favor of Wonderful Christmastime, my mind decided to check on the progress of my driving. I was nearly to St. Mary's and quite a bit past the turnoff to the mall. So I pulled into a gas station parking lot.
As I entered the parking lot, I saw a friend filling up at one of the pumps. I waved, he waved, I drove out the other side of the parking lot. It occurred to at that point to wonder whether he thought that I was insane or that I just prefer to use parking lots to avoid major intersections. The best explanation I could come up with was "My subconscious mind is kind of like Clippy..."
Helpful Advice
When you start seeing commercials for hooking up with hot local girls, you're officially up too late watching TV.
Still Kickin
I know I've gone all inblognito lately. For those of you who care, it's been busy at work. For the rest of you (or rather, "the other one of you"), I'll just go ahead and post some stuff I'm thinking.
I only watch Craig Ferguson every couple of months. I like the show but it's just on too late for a working stiff such as mahself. It's like when you only see your little cousin every few months. To everybody else, he looks pretty much like he did the day before but to you she's suddenly 6 inches taller. And apparently of a different gender. That's what late night blogging does for you.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that Craig Ferguson looks increasingly haggard every time I watch the show. I think it's no longer an intentional stylistic choice so much as a "rolling out of bed and going directly on set." He doesn't drink anymore, but he's found another way to wake up hungover at 4pm.
So that's what's on my mind today. Remember, you did this to yourself. Nobody made you come here and read this.
I only watch Craig Ferguson every couple of months. I like the show but it's just on too late for a working stiff such as mahself. It's like when you only see your little cousin every few months. To everybody else, he looks pretty much like he did the day before but to you she's suddenly 6 inches taller. And apparently of a different gender. That's what late night blogging does for you.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that Craig Ferguson looks increasingly haggard every time I watch the show. I think it's no longer an intentional stylistic choice so much as a "rolling out of bed and going directly on set." He doesn't drink anymore, but he's found another way to wake up hungover at 4pm.
So that's what's on my mind today. Remember, you did this to yourself. Nobody made you come here and read this.
Anybody watching the Marquette Game?
Did the announcers make a bet over how many times they can use the phrase "junkyard dogs" before the producer starts screaming into their earpieces? Someone is winning a ton of money right now.
Best... Google Search... Ever!
According to Google Analytics someone found this blog with the following search phrase:What name does hooters come up as on your bank statement?I have to wonder if this guy is trying to hide it from his wife, or attempting to get reimbursed at work, or wondering how he's going to explain to the charges to the treasurer of his school's feminist organization that he tried so hard to become a member of because the vice president is cute and sat by him in Bio but never talked to him because he was socially awkward and short and didn't ok where am I going with this?
Anyway, Mr. Guy-Who-Is-Trying-to-Hide-a-Hooters-Visit is from Kentucky and visited my site on November 12. For shame! You know who you are.
This Post Brought to You By Fixodent and Mueslix!
I'm old. Those of you who know me know that this post is belated. I have been old for week now.
Or maybe, last week I was reminded again that I am old. The truth is, I've been old for more than a week. I learned about the Jonah Brothers when CNN popped up an entertainment headline proclaiming that they were virgins. "Bully for them," I thought "Who the hell are they? What are they doing on my lawn?" Some type of musical act the kids are all listening to nowadays. These kids and their Knuckleback and Naomi Wyoming. Lawrence Welk would have shown those punks what... where was I? Where am I?
Oh yeah, how old I am. Older, in fact, than:
Well, I guess it could be worse. At least I'm not:
Well, you know what they say: You're only as old as the police can prove you are. Peace out, homies!
Or maybe, last week I was reminded again that I am old. The truth is, I've been old for more than a week. I learned about the Jonah Brothers when CNN popped up an entertainment headline proclaiming that they were virgins. "Bully for them," I thought "Who the hell are they? What are they doing on my lawn?" Some type of musical act the kids are all listening to nowadays. These kids and their Knuckleback and Naomi Wyoming. Lawrence Welk would have shown those punks what... where was I? Where am I?
Oh yeah, how old I am. Older, in fact, than:
- A pitcher who threw a no-hit inning in the All Star game.
- The female lead in her third season on a primetime TV show.
- The guy who led my fantasy baseball team's pitching staff two seasons ago.
- The guy who won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest two season ago
- And lest you think I'm only including young people excelling in young people's professions...The author of Story of a Soul and a Doctor of the Church.
People younger than me
Well, I guess it could be worse. At least I'm not:
- Dating Mickey Rourke
- Dating Mel Gibson
- Dating Vladimir Putin(what's the deal with all these Russian models? Other than the chance to live a life not centered around poverty and vodka consumption, I suppose)
- Married to (then widowed by) an 82 year old
People Less Fortunate Than Me
Well, you know what they say: You're only as old as the police can prove you are. Peace out, homies!
All Kind of Fun Pictures!
It's Look At What Happens When You Leave Software Unsupervised Day (LAWHWYLSUD) at the Flametroll today. All of these were captured on my computer within the last 48 hours.
Well, that's good to know. With software like Rapid SQL, you need a notifier when unusual events happen. (See below.)
Are you asking me or telling me?
If you press No, it pops the message up again. Apparently, they're telling me.
When you allow algorithms determine headline placement, unfortunate things can happen.
According to Google Analytics, someone found The Flametroll with this search term.
Sad fact #1: Someone searched this phrase.
Sad fact #2: This phrase actually occurs on my blog. I can only imagine how proud my mother must be. There's a reason I don't talk to her about blogging. At least I had the decency to hit the space bar a couple of times.
Well, that's good to know. With software like Rapid SQL, you need a notifier when unusual events happen. (See below.)
Are you asking me or telling me?
If you press No, it pops the message up again. Apparently, they're telling me.
When you allow algorithms determine headline placement, unfortunate things can happen.
According to Google Analytics, someone found The Flametroll with this search term.
Sad fact #1: Someone searched this phrase.
Sad fact #2: This phrase actually occurs on my blog. I can only imagine how proud my mother must be. There's a reason I don't talk to her about blogging. At least I had the decency to hit the space bar a couple of times.
What the Heck Facebook: Part N+3 of an M+3 Part Series
I don't mean to turn this blog into all What The Heck Facebook, all the time. But facebook could really do me a favor by not being so flat-out bizarre.
I've been looking at this picture for hours and I can't make heads nor tails of it. My eyes are starting to hurt and my roommate is wondering why I've been holed up in my room so long. He's probably making plans for what to tell the police when a strange rotting smell starts coming out of my vents.
Why is this woman wearing a tank top and a head band? More importantly, why is she standing on front of a pen of cows? How does that relate to nice guys finishing last? Am I finishing last? Does life have any inherent purpose? Why do we call cats "cats" instead of "dogs"? Would the world be any different if we did it the other way? Everything I thought I understood about the universe is crumbling around me.
I've been looking at this picture for hours and I can't make heads nor tails of it. My eyes are starting to hurt and my roommate is wondering why I've been holed up in my room so long. He's probably making plans for what to tell the police when a strange rotting smell starts coming out of my vents.
Why is this woman wearing a tank top and a head band? More importantly, why is she standing on front of a pen of cows? How does that relate to nice guys finishing last? Am I finishing last? Does life have any inherent purpose? Why do we call cats "cats" instead of "dogs"? Would the world be any different if we did it the other way? Everything I thought I understood about the universe is crumbling around me.
