Blah

I'm still washing the icky taste out of my mouth as I type this. Someone was kind enought to adorn my last post with a spam commment about the opportunities of investing in fast growing hardwood trees. I don't like spam in my mailbox, but I have filters to get rid of most of it. Spam on my blog is just unacceptable. Who goes to all the effort of either manually entering these things or writing a program to spam blog comments?

Fortunately, I have an idea what we can do with them.


In fact, I would volunteer to help build an automated machine that comes equipped with every computer. Any time someone sent an email to more than 25 people at a time*, it would snap out and administer one solid kick to the backside for every 5 addressees over the limit. Spammers (who often send millions of emails at a time) would quickly find themselves unable to sit down. And no one wants to stand up while using the computer, so the spam problem would be solved.

*I know you might be asking me "What about those people who just have a lot of friends and want to send emails to them?" Well, anyone who is sending emails to more than that many people isn't just sending a friendly, personalized "hello". They are forwarding chain letters about brave little cancer patients and non-existent bills being considered by Congress. We would actually be killing two birds with one stone.

Some Dork Will Know

I was looking at the lyrics to "Someday We'll Know" by the New Radicals (Don't ask why… Google does strange things to me) when I found these explanations of the lyrics.

Apparently we don't need to wait until "someday" to find out why the sky is blue. Some eager beaver at Wikipedia is glad to link you to articles on "Rayleigh Scattering" and "diffuse sky radiation."

Thanks, but I think those questions are rhetorical.

Struggling to Post Once a Month. . .

Although there are sign generators on the internet, I swear I am not making this up.

Quick Post

For all of you who read my last post then noticed I didn't post for a while: I have not commited ritual seppuku. Sorry to dash all of your hopes for an exciting story. I just have enough time to drop off a quick picture.

This is Supposed to Be a No Sappy Zone

But, man, tonight is depressing. Almost everybody is gone. I have one more test tomorrow morning and I'm leaving too. Summer never looked so long. Once I get home it will be cool but right now, I'm starting to miss people. I have never in the entire time I've known most of my Marquette friends, gone more than a month without seeing them.

Perhaps a song would be appropriate.

Or maybe not. But it's already there so listen to it.

(Big Dismal - Missing You)

Sorry to Ruin Your Hyperbole…

The email I got from Apple announcing that Dave Matthews Band's new album will now be availble on iTunes was good news, but had the distinct odor of bovine fecal matter (no, thank you Texas Justice).

Stand Up, available only on iTunes, marks a return to a more natural sound that emphasizes their loose, elastic rhythms. The first time that music by the Dave Matthews Band has been available digitally, this new album comes with a digital booklet and a video download.

First of all, Stand Up is not only available on iTunes. It can be purchased in stores and through the Dave Matthews Band website (in this newfangled "compact disc" format too!). I guess it would be safe to say that it is the only legal place to buy it digitally.

Second, this isn't the first time that Dave Matthews Band music has been available digitally. Only counting legal distribution, I Did It was released through Napster back in the days of its battles with Metallica. Then DMB struck a deal with the new, legal Napster.com to have all their songs available for download at a price.

Other than that though, I bet it's really true that the album comes with a video download. Kind of like a low-quality version of the video you can get if you buy the CD/DVD double disc for only $2 more than the price of the regular album!

Please, iTunes, I love you but we need more honesty in this relationship.

Want to See Some Ugly Kids?

I know where to go!

Keep checking back, because this site is under construction. More to come on May 20, they tell us.

On a side note, how did they get models for this site?

Photographer: Ma'am, we think your kid would make a great model. Can we take some pictures?
Mother: Sure. What is it for?
Photographer: Our new website called Ugly Kids.

The more I look at those pictures, I realize that the kids aren't actually that ugly. They've been crudely Photoshopped into the little sideshow attractions they are now.

Cubs Fans Smell Like Poo

Well, not all Cubs fans. I know a few who are more like armpit.

But the guys who rag on Steve Bartman are definitely the pooiest. I say this because I'm watching a special on ESPN about Mr. Bartman and the Cubs game. They threw stuff at him and were getting so violent that he had to be escorted out for his own safety. I realize the fans were mad but that was totally uncalled for. That's what beer and frustration do to people.

If I had to put a percentage on it, I would say that Bartman deserves maybe nothing% of the blame. The rest goes to various Cubs for not playing baseball. Here's how ESPN ranks the top five reasons:

5) Alou loses his cool. With Alou jumping up and down and yelling, the rest of the team got worked up too.
4) Dusty Baker doesn't do anything. The team was shaken, but he didn't even leave the dugout to talk to them until after the lead was blown.
3) Alex Gonzalez messed up the easy groundball. That probably relates to #4, Dusty Baker's failure to calm the team down.
2) Losing game 7. A Harvard professor did the math and discovered that the Cubs still had a 91% chance of winning the game, even after the dropped ball.
1) The Marlins were better.

Darth Vader M&M!

I'm sure you're wondering what this is. And I would tell you right now, except that then the text wouldn't wrap around the picture. Instead I'll keep you in suspense for a few more words then say "HERE!" Feel better now?

Darn, that picture is just way bigger than any text I can justify using to describe it.

Two Cents on the Pope

I've been meaning to post about the election of Pope Benedict XVI but hey, I'm lazy. And busy lately too. Instead, I'm going to shamelessly link to an article I wrote on another blog.

Tribune v. Ratzinger

Area 51

A guy using satellite images found what seems to be Area 51 (although some says it's just an Air Force base). I'm less interested in what it is. What really amuses me are the comments people made on his LiveJournal.

Why I Love Fark.com

Kinda feel like a sesame seed bun
Don’t we all
Wait, let me get my gun
Let’s make a McDonald’s run

McGansta

Watch a Guy Get Tasered!

Where?
Here!

Pope John Paul II 1920-2005

I wrote this out in my head earlier but I couldn't get to the computer to type it out until now.

One of the greatest world leaders of the last century died today, and I wonder if anyone noticed. I was at Johnston Hall finishing my work with the paper when the news came on the Pope John Paul II had died. I had expected the earth to shake, the sky to go black and silence to fall over the land. But when I got outside the sun was still shining in a bright blue sky spotted with puffy white clouds. People were everywhere, living their lives, playing Frisbee, going to and from the library. The only sign that anything was different from every other moment of every other day was one lonely bell tolling slowing from the tower of Johnston Hall. I thought the whole world was rather unceremoniously happy.

But maybe that's how is was supposed to be. Maybe God was reminding me that the Pope's life was a reason for celebration, not sorrow. I think it was Theresa of Lisieux who said she wasn't afraid of death because in Heaven she would be able to pray for her loved ones even more. I get the feeling that's how John Paul felt as his body began to weaken over the last few days.

Karol Wojtyla pray for us.

Car or Khartoum?

A government typist learns that there's a difference between Sedan and Sudan.

Especially when it comes to dropping nuclear weapons.

Poetry!

In a link from No-Sword, I came across some great poetry by some guy named Tao Lin. It's on Bullfightreview.com.

Another good one by the same guy.

Strong language alert on the first link, but it's still good stuff.

Looking for Lebanese Women?

Shop e-bay and save!

See the ad about halfway down the page.

EDIT: (3/14/05) Sadly, the ad has changed. It no longer offers to help you find Lebanese women cheap on e-bay. I guess I'm left with Plan B: Russian mail order brides.

Stick Around for More Updates…

It's 7:50 pm. Do you know where your silly putty is?

I don't and that's a scary thing. I shudder to think what it may have stuck itself to the bottom of.

Paul McCartney Didn't Play at the Superbowl!

I've been reading up on Paul McCartney lately and it turns out that he's been dead since 1966. Little did I know, he's been played by a guy named Billy Shepherd, or Billy Campbell or something like that shutupandbelievemefool.

I think this is the most convincing "believer" site I have read.
The autor of the site says that McCartney's death was an accident. The CIA was actually trying to off his manager Brian Epstein. While that whole plot seems shaky, it does fill in some holes in other conspiracies. Such as, why did the Beatles keep his death under wraps? This site explains that they did it to keep the CIA off their backs.

This one's disturbing.
The very first picture of "Paul" (Billy Shepherd?) naked. (He's covered enough to be safe, but just barely.) Those gifs of the morphing faces are really creepy too.
I think the credibility of the site is undermined for several reasons. First of all, it refers the alleged impostor as "Billy Shepherd." Just about every other source calls him "Billy Campbell." Secondly, it lists Paul's date of death as September 11, 1966. This is probably a misunderstanding of the actual date given by most theories of 11-9 (November 9). The site has a .it ending, so the writer probably assumes the European custom of date before month. The writer might also be looking for some 9-11 connections.

From the BBC's h2g2 network.
This source seems pretty skeptical. It has a lot of things that seem to add up, though. Some of the stuff is kind of creepy.

This one's in-depth.
It believes that the "Paul is dead" theory is fake, but it goes into more details and clues than I've seen anywhere else.

I Should Have Known

There was a link in my Hotmail account to an article headlined Is Marc Controlling J.Lo? In a fit of silliness, I clicked the link. It confirmed what I had suspected all along. Try it yourself.