Was Nietzche just bitter because he was so goofy looking?
You Know It's Ecumenism When No One Goes Home Happy
Not all Christian leaders happy with papal vespers service
REGENSBURG, Germany (CNS) -- Pope Benedict XVI participated in an ecumenical vespers service in Regensburg's cathedral, but not all Christian representatives were happy with the outcome. A Lutheran-Reformed bishop felt the pope put too much emphasis on relations with the Orthodox. An Orthodox representative expressed surprise that a Lutheran-Reformed bishop had been allowed to speak. A Methodist minister said he felt excluded because much of the singing was in Latin. Before the Sept. 12 service, Pope Benedict was introduced to representatives of the 16 members of the Association of Christian Churches in Bavaria, as well as to representatives of the Jewish community. They met in nearby St. Ulrich's Church and made their way in a procession from there to the cathedral. Parts of the vespers service were conducted by representatives of the Orthodox churches, and Lutheran-Reformed Bishop Johannes Friedrich of Bavaria read a meditation and called for Christian unity that allows room for differences.
It's pretty funny how all of them complained about a Catholic ceremony that they agreed to participate in. There was Latin? In a Catholic prayer? No Wittenburg, Werlock.
But my favorite part is the Orthodox complaint. He was apparently angry that the Lutheran even got speak. I have a visual image of an Orthodox bishop mocking a Lutheran. "Who here has valid orders? Oh yeah, not you--so shut up."
Thanks to the Rockford Diocese Observer and Catholic News Service.
Color or Diet?
Not as Gross as Many of our Other Franchise Locations!
I was hungry today after work, so I stopped at a local Mexican fast food restaurant. I will refer to it as Burrito Gong.* Behind the counter was a sign that read:
"We wash and sanitize our hands."I guess that is supposed to make us feel confident in the cleanliness of the food making environment. But what it said to me is "This restaurant adheres to the bare minimum of hygenic practice."
Shouldn't it really should go without saying that employees wash their hands in the kitchen of a restaurant?
*In order to protect Taco Bell's identity.
Fun with Spam
I got hit on by a spammer a few days ago. Among my junk mail filter's usual drivel about v1agra and Russian mail-order brides, I also received a love letter. This email came from a certain Siegfried Conroy and had the unremarkable heading "bizarre." But in the preview window, I could read the first line of the message:
I googled Siegfried to see if he was the kind of guy I might be willing to tell all of my thoughts to. He didn't show up anywhere on google. That means that next time poor Siegfried googles his own name, I'm going to be the first hit. That's what I call free publicity!
/* GOOGLE, PLEASE READ HERE */
Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy
/* THANKS! */
Come uptonight and well spoon in the moonlight and you can tell me your thoughtsHow sweet!
I googled Siegfried to see if he was the kind of guy I might be willing to tell all of my thoughts to. He didn't show up anywhere on google. That means that next time poor Siegfried googles his own name, I'm going to be the first hit. That's what I call free publicity!
/* GOOGLE, PLEASE READ HERE */
Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy
/* THANKS! */
It's a Boy!
I'm the proud daddy of a brand new
It comes with lots of accessories, including this image taken from the Apple website.
It comes with lots of accessories, including this image taken from the Apple website.
Wake Me Up Before You Comment
Recently, I was at the gym running. As you may know, there are six TVs in the room with the treadmills. At any given time, at least seven of them are either watching Entertainment Tonight or MTV. (I think that might tell you something about the demographics of the gym itself, but that would be stereotyping so I won't comment any further about the brainless crap gym-going females like to watch.)
Anyway, an episode of Entertainment Tonight came on, prominently featuring an interview with George Michael. If you were born after 1979, you may be wondering why George Michael is famous. So am I. Apparently it was for being a member of the band Wham! (the exclamation point is his, not mine. I don't find the band so exciting that it deserves special punctuation.) They were known for the hit (relatively speaking for 80's music) songs "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "Honkytonk Badonkadonk."
Anyway, thanks to the miracle of closed captioning (how does it work, anyway?) I could see that George Michael was being interviewed about having an affair with a random man in the bushes of a local park*.
Anyway, he seemed very offended by the fact that the interviewer was asking him about his affair (one bush stand? Trimming more than the hedges? Don't get me started, I'll go on all day.)
Anyway, his offendedness struck me as odd. Why did he accept the invitation to be interviewed on the show if he didn't want to talk about the only thing that has put him in the news since before I was even born? Was he expecting questions about the weather ("Yes, I do think it's pretty hot out there.")? Or gas prices ("They are triple what they were before I became a washed-up B-list celebrity.")?
Anyway, it all seems sort of disingenuous. Either he is completely clueless, or he was willing to get drilled on national TV just so he could get a little spotlight time. Apparently when his 15 minutes of fame got over, he cut in front of my place in line and went back through.
Anyway, the main point of this post (as always) is that everyone should link to my blog, if only to correct this injustice.
*Strangely enough, this is the only true part of my post.
Anyway, an episode of Entertainment Tonight came on, prominently featuring an interview with George Michael. If you were born after 1979, you may be wondering why George Michael is famous. So am I. Apparently it was for being a member of the band Wham! (the exclamation point is his, not mine. I don't find the band so exciting that it deserves special punctuation.) They were known for the hit (relatively speaking for 80's music) songs "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "Honkytonk Badonkadonk."
Anyway, thanks to the miracle of closed captioning (how does it work, anyway?) I could see that George Michael was being interviewed about having an affair with a random man in the bushes of a local park*.
Anyway, he seemed very offended by the fact that the interviewer was asking him about his affair (one bush stand? Trimming more than the hedges? Don't get me started, I'll go on all day.)
Anyway, his offendedness struck me as odd. Why did he accept the invitation to be interviewed on the show if he didn't want to talk about the only thing that has put him in the news since before I was even born? Was he expecting questions about the weather ("Yes, I do think it's pretty hot out there.")? Or gas prices ("They are triple what they were before I became a washed-up B-list celebrity.")?
Anyway, it all seems sort of disingenuous. Either he is completely clueless, or he was willing to get drilled on national TV just so he could get a little spotlight time. Apparently when his 15 minutes of fame got over, he cut in front of my place in line and went back through.
Anyway, the main point of this post (as always) is that everyone should link to my blog, if only to correct this injustice.
*Strangely enough, this is the only true part of my post.
Cool Jesus
I found this article on Godspy about the idea of "Buddy Jesus". I don't really have anything to add. Just read it.
Yet Another Reason to Think Stephen Colbert is Amazing
Watch as he blindsides an (the?) unsuspecting representative of the District of Columbia. It's brutal but I love it.
If you want to know how much I like it, notice that this is the first link on this blog I have intentionally left the target=_blank tag off of. I like Stephen Colbert so much that I let him steal my window.
If you want to know how much I like it, notice that this is the first link on this blog I have intentionally left the target=_blank tag off of. I like Stephen Colbert so much that I let him steal my window.
How Many Writers Does it Take to Screw Up a Blog?
I realize that last post was pretty word and serious. So I'm going to atone for that by posting some "light bulb" jokes. Most of the good ones come from here.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A tree in a golden forest.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 5. One to hold the bulb and the other 4 to drink until the room spins around.
Q: How many authors of the Warren Report does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. Definitely only one. For sure. No doubt. So seriously, please stop asking questions.
And a couple that relate specifically to me:
Q: How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Not many, I'm sure, seeing as the Polish are a very intelligent people (please don't break up with me).
Q: How many theology majors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows. Our house is chock-full of them and that bulb is still out.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A tree in a golden forest.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 5. One to hold the bulb and the other 4 to drink until the room spins around.
Q: How many authors of the Warren Report does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. Definitely only one. For sure. No doubt. So seriously, please stop asking questions.
And a couple that relate specifically to me:
Q: How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Not many, I'm sure, seeing as the Polish are a very intelligent people (please don't break up with me).
Q: How many theology majors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows. Our house is chock-full of them and that bulb is still out.
Who-Given Rights?
I was listening to a podcast of Penn Jillette's radio show from a few days ago today and it sparked some thoughts.
Penn announced that last night, he had seen Dennis Miller pronounce "Guantanamo Bay" as "Gitmo" and that Mr. Miller had sounded pretty cool saying it. Wanting to sound cool as well, Penn decided to talk about "Gitmo" on his show. But then he was disappointed to realize that he knows a lot about monkeys and juggling but not much at all about detention camps. So he did something I respect a lot–he admitted he had minimal knowledge of anything at all about the place. He just allowed his listeners to call in to express their knowledge and opinions about the place.
I'm not sure I have a very strong opinion about "Gitmo" except that the prisoners are still people and should be treated like people. Other than that, I just don't know enough to make any kind of judgement. So don't expect this post to express my opinion. It's just a thought that is running around in my head while I try to corner it. Pardon me if I go in circles at some points.
It seems strange to me that an early justification for the war in Iraq was that everyone in every nation has the God-given right to democracy and freedom. Because these rights are for all humanity, it was justifiable to stop people like Saddam Hussein who were denying people those rights.
But now we have these detainees (I'm not sure how many of them are from Iraq and how many from Afghanistan, but for the purpose of this post it doesn't matter). There are arguments about how we should deal with those people. Some argue that they aren't American citizens so the due process clause of the Constitution doesn't apply to them. Others say that they are not actually prisoners of war because they don't wear a uniform or fight for a regular army.
Here's where I have to make an assumption (God made three, but He's three Persons. I think one is fair for me.) I assume the the many of the same people are making both of those arguments. I don't think the opponents of the war are the ones clamoring to keep people locked up in Cuba.
So how does this work? Do human beings have God-given universal rights to freedom and democracy? If they do, how do we justify locking them up indefinitely without being at least allowed some kind of "innocent until proven guilty"?
Or are these Founding Father-given rights guaranteed only to the people under the jursidiction of the Constitution? If so, how does that justify starting a war to bring those non-existent rights to people who aren't affected by the Constitution?
I guess I have kind of an opinion on this. I think all humans have a God-given right to a just society and the best government possible. But I'm not sure that is necessarily American, First Amendment-type rights. It would be awfully hard to argue that every government before the Constitution was absolutely immoral.
Other than that, I'm more interested in hearing people discuss this than in proving myself right. I could be wrong. Let's hear from the people.
Penn announced that last night, he had seen Dennis Miller pronounce "Guantanamo Bay" as "Gitmo" and that Mr. Miller had sounded pretty cool saying it. Wanting to sound cool as well, Penn decided to talk about "Gitmo" on his show. But then he was disappointed to realize that he knows a lot about monkeys and juggling but not much at all about detention camps. So he did something I respect a lot–he admitted he had minimal knowledge of anything at all about the place. He just allowed his listeners to call in to express their knowledge and opinions about the place.
I'm not sure I have a very strong opinion about "Gitmo" except that the prisoners are still people and should be treated like people. Other than that, I just don't know enough to make any kind of judgement. So don't expect this post to express my opinion. It's just a thought that is running around in my head while I try to corner it. Pardon me if I go in circles at some points.
It seems strange to me that an early justification for the war in Iraq was that everyone in every nation has the God-given right to democracy and freedom. Because these rights are for all humanity, it was justifiable to stop people like Saddam Hussein who were denying people those rights.
But now we have these detainees (I'm not sure how many of them are from Iraq and how many from Afghanistan, but for the purpose of this post it doesn't matter). There are arguments about how we should deal with those people. Some argue that they aren't American citizens so the due process clause of the Constitution doesn't apply to them. Others say that they are not actually prisoners of war because they don't wear a uniform or fight for a regular army.
Here's where I have to make an assumption (God made three, but He's three Persons. I think one is fair for me.) I assume the the many of the same people are making both of those arguments. I don't think the opponents of the war are the ones clamoring to keep people locked up in Cuba.
So how does this work? Do human beings have God-given universal rights to freedom and democracy? If they do, how do we justify locking them up indefinitely without being at least allowed some kind of "innocent until proven guilty"?
Or are these Founding Father-given rights guaranteed only to the people under the jursidiction of the Constitution? If so, how does that justify starting a war to bring those non-existent rights to people who aren't affected by the Constitution?
I guess I have kind of an opinion on this. I think all humans have a God-given right to a just society and the best government possible. But I'm not sure that is necessarily American, First Amendment-type rights. It would be awfully hard to argue that every government before the Constitution was absolutely immoral.
Other than that, I'm more interested in hearing people discuss this than in proving myself right. I could be wrong. Let's hear from the people.
Coming Clean
Recently Oprah Winfrey went public and announced what she is not. She, much like Superman, is definitely for sure 100% not, NOT, NOT gay. Seeing as the popular thing now is to stand up for who you aren't, I will jump on the bandwagon.
I am not a homosexual, a bisexual, a pedagogue or a polyglot.
I am not Homer Simpson, Homer Slockenheimer or Winslow Homer.
I did not compose The Iliad.
I am not a believer in homoiousious.
I do not work for Homeland Security.
I don't even own a home.
And, finally, so all of you will stop asking: I am not Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah:
Me:
Any questions?
I am not a homosexual, a bisexual, a pedagogue or a polyglot.
I am not Homer Simpson, Homer Slockenheimer or Winslow Homer.
I did not compose The Iliad.
I am not a believer in homoiousious.
I do not work for Homeland Security.
I don't even own a home.
And, finally, so all of you will stop asking: I am not Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah:
Me:
Any questions?
I Used to Snort Coke . . .
. . . but I got tired of getting ice cubes in my nose.
[crickets]
. . .And boy are my arms tired!
Uhh, anyway, my roommates and I decided to do what every other college student is doing too: mix Diet Coke and Mentos. Hilarity ensued. Speaking of sued, you should talk the guy whose car we splashed.
A bottle we drilled five holes into:
Me popping a Mento and drinking Diet Coke.
All to the tune of Ray Charles' God Bless America. I love this country.
[crickets]
. . .And boy are my arms tired!
Uhh, anyway, my roommates and I decided to do what every other college student is doing too: mix Diet Coke and Mentos. Hilarity ensued. Speaking of sued, you should talk the guy whose car we splashed.
A bottle we drilled five holes into:
Me popping a Mento and drinking Diet Coke.
All to the tune of Ray Charles' God Bless America. I love this country.
Superman Reviewed
Tommy posted a reflection on seeing Superman Returns in theaters (twice and counting, rest assured). He hits on most of the main reservations I had about the movie myself.
Could this be because we talked about it a lot last week? Or is just that he's just an Übermensch Genie as they say auf Deutschland? Or is he actually Superman? I have my suspicions, but I can't prove anything.
In the end, what really matters is that it's posted. Go read it. My blog will still be here when you get back.
Could this be because we talked about it a lot last week? Or is just that he's just an Übermensch Genie as they say auf Deutschland? Or is he actually Superman? I have my suspicions, but I can't prove anything.
In the end, what really matters is that it's posted. Go read it. My blog will still be here when you get back.
Another Music Award!
Today, I am proud to present another music award that has never before been given outside of my head. It's the Never Let You Go Award for Spectacularly Bad Songwriting.
This award commemorates the Third Eye Blind song, Never Let You Go, which contains several classic lines:
"You say that I've changed
Well maybe I did
But even if I changed
Whats wrong with it?"
and also
"If theres a reason
It's lost on me
Maybe we'll be friends
I guess we'll see"
As you can see, a song must follow in this these legendary footsteps to earn the prestigious NLYGAFSBS (or Nillygaffsibus, as they are affectionately known in the industry).
I am pleased to announce Nickelback!
Their song Photograph contains a number of clunkers. Practically every verse deserves a mention, but the opening lines are what really caught my attention:
"Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head?"
Not only are the words ridiculous (I don't know, what the hell is on Joey's head? The world may never know. And who the hell is Joey anyway?), but they don't have any semblance of rhythm. Just try to make those stresses and syllables fit into rhythmic pattern.
Undaunted by lyricism or melody writing, Nickelback plows on.
"And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out"
1) He just rhymed "up" with "up"!
2) The third line is just confusing.
3) Why does he go from talking about his dilapidated house to talking about sneaking out? To better transition into the next verse about skipping school? And if he hated school so much, why did he break in "half a dozen times"?
"Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed"
The awkwardness of the whole song, combined with the awkwardness of him telling us this and the awkwardness of the phrasing of this little confession, makes my teeth hurt like when when you bite down on ice.
The reason I am commenting on this relatively old song is that I heard it on the radio today and it caught my attention. When the song ended, the radio station I was listening to played a little commercial clip along the lines of "We play the music you want to hear!" I think that was their way of saying "You really have no one to blame but yourselves."
We honor you, Nickelback! Keep phoning in those lyrics, we can "hear you now!"
This award commemorates the Third Eye Blind song, Never Let You Go, which contains several classic lines:
"You say that I've changed
Well maybe I did
But even if I changed
Whats wrong with it?"
and also
"If theres a reason
It's lost on me
Maybe we'll be friends
I guess we'll see"
As you can see, a song must follow in this these legendary footsteps to earn the prestigious NLYGAFSBS (or Nillygaffsibus, as they are affectionately known in the industry).
I am pleased to announce Nickelback!
Their song Photograph contains a number of clunkers. Practically every verse deserves a mention, but the opening lines are what really caught my attention:
"Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head?"
Not only are the words ridiculous (I don't know, what the hell is on Joey's head? The world may never know. And who the hell is Joey anyway?), but they don't have any semblance of rhythm. Just try to make those stresses and syllables fit into rhythmic pattern.
Undaunted by lyricism or melody writing, Nickelback plows on.
"And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out"
1) He just rhymed "up" with "up"!
2) The third line is just confusing.
3) Why does he go from talking about his dilapidated house to talking about sneaking out? To better transition into the next verse about skipping school? And if he hated school so much, why did he break in "half a dozen times"?
"Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed"
The awkwardness of the whole song, combined with the awkwardness of him telling us this and the awkwardness of the phrasing of this little confession, makes my teeth hurt like when when you bite down on ice.
The reason I am commenting on this relatively old song is that I heard it on the radio today and it caught my attention. When the song ended, the radio station I was listening to played a little commercial clip along the lines of "We play the music you want to hear!" I think that was their way of saying "You really have no one to blame but yourselves."
We honor you, Nickelback! Keep phoning in those lyrics, we can "hear you now!"
Poor Decision Making
I had Taco Bell for lunch today, then Qdoba for dinner. My stomach and I are not on good terms right now.
I am Man, Hear Me Mutter
Now that I drive on the interstate to and from work, I suddenly care about traffic reports. I can't wait for them to come on the radio and when they do, I strain to hear my highway get mentioned.
It's not that it's telling me anything I didn't know. When I'm still a mile from work 15 minutes after I leave, I'm fully aware that there are delays on 94E.
It's not that they can do anything about it. That helicopter has yet to swoop down and pick me up like Frodo Baggins and his faithful Kia, Sam, coming back from Mt. Work.
What really makes me feel good is that they are commiserating with me. They are acknowledging that I am backed up in traffic and facing major delays as an accident is blocking the left lane and the end of a Brewer game is blocking the right. As they announce delays, I sneer grimly like a crusty old seaman preparing for another Nor'easter. Whatever the gods of traffic (Saturn? Mercury?) are brewing up, I can take it like a man.
And that is what makes life satisfying.
It's not that it's telling me anything I didn't know. When I'm still a mile from work 15 minutes after I leave, I'm fully aware that there are delays on 94E.
It's not that they can do anything about it. That helicopter has yet to swoop down and pick me up like Frodo Baggins and his faithful Kia, Sam, coming back from Mt. Work.
What really makes me feel good is that they are commiserating with me. They are acknowledging that I am backed up in traffic and facing major delays as an accident is blocking the left lane and the end of a Brewer game is blocking the right. As they announce delays, I sneer grimly like a crusty old seaman preparing for another Nor'easter. Whatever the gods of traffic (Saturn? Mercury?) are brewing up, I can take it like a man.
And that is what makes life satisfying.
Heads Up!
You're in luck, Flametroll fan(s)! I have a double dose of bloggness coming down the pipeline.
First point of business:
We got a newsletter at work today. The last article was my favorite. It was about the small tasks that drag people down, like returning voicemail and answering email, rather than working on high priority tasks. It had many tips including this one that I swear to Dave Barry I am not making up:
First point of business:
We got a newsletter at work today. The last article was my favorite. It was about the small tasks that drag people down, like returning voicemail and answering email, rather than working on high priority tasks. It had many tips including this one that I swear to Dave Barry I am not making up:
"Lower your standards. What is the minimum acceptable level of quality which can get by for this task?"
Special "2006 Music Awards" Edition!
Today, after much anticipation, I am publicly announcing an award that I have been giving in my head on a fairly consistent basis (and the whole point of this blog is so that nothing will have to just stay in my head. It gets foisted off onto the blog-reading public.). Without further ado, I present to you. . . .The 2006 Crash Into Me Award!
This award is named after the popular 1996 Dave Matthews Band single. Boasting those immortal words of love "Oh I watch you there/Through the window/And I stare at you/You wear nothing/But you wear it so well," Crash Into Me has taken its position among the creepiest popular songs of all time.
Winners have included Clay Aiken ("If I was invisible/Then I could just watch you in your room") and Shaggy (It Wasn't Me, lyrics not included in order to keep this blog from having to go to confession).
But this year's winner stands with the best of them.
James Blunt, come on down and claim your prize!
His hit song Beautiful contains a warm fuzzy chorus ("You're beautiful/You're beautiful/You're beautiful") that many people probably don't bother to listen past.
For those of you who haven't listened closely, let me paraphrase:
James Blunt's life is brilliant and his love is pure. So pure that he rides subways (while high) and looks for beautiful women. One of them in particular catches his eye. She's with another man, but that's ok because he's "got a plan." (Did he rhyme "plan" with "another man"? You betcha!) No word on whether that "plan" involves the "other man" and an icepick.
Soon enough, though, he apparently comes down off his buzz and goes home to have a snack. A chorus and half a verse later he realizes he'll never see her again. Great plan, Cheech. Go get some Cheetos.
But Mr. Blunt doesn't let that failure get him down. He knows that they "shared a moment that will last 'til the end." Apparently, ogling women on public transit is considered "a moment" now.
Congratulations, James Blunt!
By the way, yes I did just steal a random goofy trophy from a Google image search. But I'm going to Photoshop a trophy one of these days. Goodness knows I'll probably need it again. Songs worthy of a Crash Into Me Award come out often enough.
Stupid hard drives. . .
A hard drive crash/blip/weirdness has put my computer down for the count. That's part of the reason I haven't been blogging. Other than that, I've been busy and lazy.
Not that I owe you schlubs an apology. Go out there and write your own stuff.
Not that I owe you schlubs an apology. Go out there and write your own stuff.
So Cool They're Hot!
Recently, I opened a box of Pop Tarts©. Normally that's not blogworthy (not that this really is, but I'm doing it anyway). On the silver foil wrapper, there was a little cartoon.
This was the first one.
If that is hard to read, it shows a cartoon man in a fez talking to a Pop Tart genie coming out of a toaster. He says to the genie "Hey, you shop there too?"
Hang on, it gets weirder.
In this scene, two girls are dancing to the beat of a Godzilla monster. It must be disco, based on the way they are dancing. But the monster is dressed more like Frank Sinatra. (Take note of the girl on the left, she's a recurring character)
This one marks the first appearance of Mr. Mouthpants. Look at the disturbed look on that Pop Tart guy's face. Clearly, even in the twisted world of Pop Tart wrapper cartoons, people are not supposed to have a mouth there.
This one just seems kind of dirty.
This was the first one.
If that is hard to read, it shows a cartoon man in a fez talking to a Pop Tart genie coming out of a toaster. He says to the genie "Hey, you shop there too?"
Hang on, it gets weirder.
In this scene, two girls are dancing to the beat of a Godzilla monster. It must be disco, based on the way they are dancing. But the monster is dressed more like Frank Sinatra. (Take note of the girl on the left, she's a recurring character)
This one marks the first appearance of Mr. Mouthpants. Look at the disturbed look on that Pop Tart guy's face. Clearly, even in the twisted world of Pop Tart wrapper cartoons, people are not supposed to have a mouth there.
This one just seems kind of dirty.
I'm Still Alive She Said / But Do I Deserve to Be?
Hello World, I'm still here. I took a break from blogging for Lent, but now I'm back.
Just like Conan O'Brien I've got a bunch of great stuff for you coming up. I have posts about pop-tart wrappers and frustration with my phone company and all kinds of good stuff.
But right now, I'm going to eat some candy.
Just like Conan O'Brien I've got a bunch of great stuff for you coming up. I have posts about pop-tart wrappers and frustration with my phone company and all kinds of good stuff.
But right now, I'm going to eat some candy.
I Can Write This Off as Work!
I'm writing an article about blog services for The Warrior. As a comparison, I'm posting the same story here that I put on my blogstream example.
**********
I began thinking today about the pros and cons of the eggs in Cobeen's cafeteria. . .
**********
I began thinking today about the pros and cons of the eggs in Cobeen's cafeteria. . .
| | |
| Made with fake egg product | Made with love by Leigh the omelet cook |
| Full of sodium | Full of ham and cheese |
| Greasy | Satisfying |
Diagnosis: delicious!
An Educational Experience
Today in anthropology, the video we were watching was interrupted by a taped-over episode of "Sex and the City." The video was about gender relations, so most of the class didn't even notice the difference.
But our professor sprung into action, going downstairs to get a new VCR. Apparently, this was the model that converts video of women giving academic lectures into episodes of "Sex and the City." After a delay, it turns out that the other VCR was the same model. Marquette's AV department hasn't fully switched over to the newer "Sex and the City"-into-academic lecture model yet.
So our professor fast-forwarded through the half hour episode (I saw some "gender relations" going on), and we continued the video.
. . .and then I found ten bucks.
But our professor sprung into action, going downstairs to get a new VCR. Apparently, this was the model that converts video of women giving academic lectures into episodes of "Sex and the City." After a delay, it turns out that the other VCR was the same model. Marquette's AV department hasn't fully switched over to the newer "Sex and the City"-into-academic lecture model yet.
So our professor fast-forwarded through the half hour episode (I saw some "gender relations" going on), and we continued the video.
. . .and then I found ten bucks.
What Kind of Heretic Are You?
Find out here.I scored 100% Council of Chalcedon compliant! Strangely, I scored 67% on Pelagianism. I'm a little nervous about that. All this time I've spent earning my way into heaven, and I might blow it all by being a heretic.
I'm still here
I was going to write about how terrible the movie Syriana is, but I don't feel all that funny today. Anyway, I haven't died or anything. I'm sure you're glad to know.
Google gave me this link: St. Lawrence Distributes Food to the Poo.
Google gave me this link: St. Lawrence Distributes Food to the Poo.
Living on the Edge
I know it's a dangerous time to be a blogger on campus, but I just can't allow the truth to be held back.
What's wrong with Marquette:
- It's cold: Yesterday the high was as 17 degrees Fahrenheit (yes, I am just showing off the fact that I know how to spell Fahrenheit, thanks for noticing) and today, as of 11:20 am, Weather.com reports that the temperature is 9 with a wind chill of -3.
The administration is fully aware of how cold it is in Milwaukee. Yet they do nothing to alleviate the chilliness students must face as they walk to classes that are often several blocks from their homes. - There are freshmen: Every year the Marquette administration allows nearly two thousand people with absolutely no college experience to live on our campus. The majority of these are mere children, with all the maturity of an eighteen year old. I, a twenty year old sophomore, should not have to navigate my way through dozens of theses campus parasites as I go to my classes. Them and their constant whining, "Which Wehr building is my class in?" "A driver just took my leg off as I was crossing Wisconsin Avenue" etc etc.
- Sodexho food: It's a sad state of affairs when the only real eggs on campus are the ones dripping down Brandon Henak's windows.
I know I may have crossed some lines here today, but that's what free speech is all about. If you disagree with me feel free to comment, but I'll probably delete it.
Go Ask Alice. . . When She's Ten Feet Tall
I'm in the middle of taking a survey about drug and alcohol use on campus which I was randomly selected for. I think they will also be emailing me a small cup with a lid that I'll have to email back full.
Whoever was writing the survey seems to have been on drugs themselves. Many of the questions that would seem to require the possibility of a "maybe" or "don't know" answer are simple yes/no. For example, the question "Does alcohol make you sexier?" Well, I don't drink so I really don't know. Maybe it would, although I can't imagine a possibility in which I would be more attractive than I already am.
Another "question" in the alcohol section was "doesn't interfere with my life." Now, not only is that not a question, it's not even a sentence. But even more confusingly, the possible choices are "yes" and "no." Yes, alcohol doesn't interfere with my life? No, alcohol doesn't interfere with my life? No, alcohol does interfere with my life? Yes, this survey does interfere with my sanity?
In conclusion, be like this guy and don't do drugs.
Whoever was writing the survey seems to have been on drugs themselves. Many of the questions that would seem to require the possibility of a "maybe" or "don't know" answer are simple yes/no. For example, the question "Does alcohol make you sexier?" Well, I don't drink so I really don't know. Maybe it would, although I can't imagine a possibility in which I would be more attractive than I already am.
Another "question" in the alcohol section was "doesn't interfere with my life." Now, not only is that not a question, it's not even a sentence. But even more confusingly, the possible choices are "yes" and "no." Yes, alcohol doesn't interfere with my life? No, alcohol doesn't interfere with my life? No, alcohol does interfere with my life? Yes, this survey does interfere with my sanity?
In conclusion, be like this guy and don't do drugs.
Carpenter Rocks
And rattles too. I can feel it shaking under my feet right now. Probably from the construction nearby, but I'm still on the line with FEMA about earthquake preparations. You never can be too
My Life Philosophy
People often approach me on the street and ask "Aaron, do you have a philosophy in life?"
"Of course I do," I tell them as I scramble to think of something clever. "Life is like a. . . pudding bowl. Yeah, umm. . .where the cruddy stuff forms on the top. So. . . uhhh. . .dig deep and feast upon the good stuff," I lie.
Well now I don't have to lie anymore. I've decided on a life philosophy. And all thanks to Dilbert.
I don't even have to work to accomodate my life to this new philosophy. I've been doing this all along.
"Of course I do," I tell them as I scramble to think of something clever. "Life is like a. . . pudding bowl. Yeah, umm. . .where the cruddy stuff forms on the top. So. . . uhhh. . .dig deep and feast upon the good stuff," I lie.
Well now I don't have to lie anymore. I've decided on a life philosophy. And all thanks to Dilbert.
I don't even have to work to accomodate my life to this new philosophy. I've been doing this all along.
A Humbling Experience
Those pesky comment-spamming programs are affecting people all over the internet. In fact, one of the blogs this site links to, We Are Marquette, just had to do the same thing. I've always had my suspicions, but leaving posts about exactly the same thing just days apart has proven once and for all that Caruso is a lot funnier than me.
It Would Be Blackmail Material, But He's Not Ashamed
Jeff, my RA is preparing early for Halloween. He hit the jackpot with a visit to the thrift store.
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Comment
I'm sorry for the added inconvenience of commenting. I was resisting for a while, but I finally gave in and enabled the word verification option on my blog. The reason I had to do this was because of all the spam comments I'm getting. I'm not sure what my best defense is against this. If anyone knows a better way than to use word verification, please take the time and effort to comment it to me.
Do or Dilate
I had an eye appointment today. As a part of the checkup, the doctor (or optometrist or whatever) put these drops in my eye to numb them and dilate the pupils. The effect set in after about 15 minutes and I passed all the glaucoma, cataract, diabetes, etc. tests with flying colors.
The problem was that now I was going to be set loose into the sunlight with pupils incapable of contracting. Fortunately, the doctor was prepared. She handed me a pair of ROLLENS sunglasses. They were extremely stylish and fun (as the pictures on their website might suggest). They also made me looke like a Robocop-inspired reincarnation of Ray Charles.
Fortunately, I ran into a street vendor in a white pimp suit selling sunglasses for $2-5. I went for some top-of-the-line aviators. I'm sure I don't say this enough, but I'm awesome.
The problem was that now I was going to be set loose into the sunlight with pupils incapable of contracting. Fortunately, the doctor was prepared. She handed me a pair of ROLLENS sunglasses. They were extremely stylish and fun (as the pictures on their website might suggest). They also made me looke like a Robocop-inspired reincarnation of Ray Charles.
Fortunately, I ran into a street vendor in a white pimp suit selling sunglasses for $2-5. I went for some top-of-the-line aviators. I'm sure I don't say this enough, but I'm awesome.
Actually There Are 165A0DC00 People. . .
There are 10 kinds of people in this world. . .those who know binary and those who don't.
Compliments of Ryan.
Compliments of Ryan.
At Least Dolphins Don't Make Me Cry
My roommate walked in on me yesterday while I was putting away laundry and singing to Hootie and the Blowfish.
Me: I don't know why, but I've just been in the mood for Hootie.
Mike: It's so wrong, but it feels so right.
Me: I don't know why, but I've just been in the mood for Hootie.
Mike: It's so wrong, but it feels so right.
Look Out, Dial-up Users
It stormed last night. We didn't get hit with much rain (compared to what the radar was showing) but it lightninged for almost two hours. Here are a couple of strikes that I managed to get on (digital) film.
I got video too.
Some of my roommate's pictures.
It's really hazy today.
Photos 1, 2 and 6 and video ©Aaron Morey 2005
Photos 3, 4 and 5 © Michael Sharkey 2005
I got video too.
Some of my roommate's pictures.
It's really hazy today.
Photos 1, 2 and 6 and video ©Aaron Morey 2005
Photos 3, 4 and 5 © Michael Sharkey 2005
Not As Bad As People Say!
Those glowing words of praise on IMDB.com describe the movie I'm watching right now: Demolition Man.The idea is that Sylvester Stallone is cryogenically frozen, then brought back to fight the escaped prisoner Wesley Snipes.
Some of the highlights came from the action movie banter in the first futuristic fight scene. Snipe's character, Simon Phoenix, (who, coincidentally, rises from the dead!) yells as he shoots at Stallone "Simon says bleed!" When he recognizes Stallone as his old archenemy, he quips "Man, they'll let anybody into this century." Stallone retaliates, saying "You're on TV!" as he swings a television by the cord, striking Snipes in the face.
On another note, the president of this futuristic Los Angeles dressed like a cross between Hamid Karzai and the Pope.
EDIT: Stallone just used the phrase "hunka chunka."
Everybody Thinks I'm Up to No Good
After my brush with the FBI's Book Brigade, I'm apparently on some kind of federal watch list. I signed up for an Apple Developer Connection account today, because I wanted to download Apple's Java development stuff for free. It's a pretty good deal, I think. I found this in the Membership Agreement fine print:
Don't look at me, I'm still trying to pass Computer Science 065.
You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes where prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missile, chemical or biological weapons.
Don't look at me, I'm still trying to pass Computer Science 065.
Copy and Paste Makes Blogging Easy
I was reading IMDB.com today and I came across the entry for Shallow Hal. There was nothing special in particular about the entry except for this user posted comment:
Source.
[T]he film reinforces the same notions of beauty that it claims it is trying to undermine. Also, all fat people are not nice with a "good sense of humour", this is as HUGE stereotype. I am fat, unpleasant and not funny.
Source.
Ketchup Trousers?
Don't you love how British people speak?
Note also the use of the phrase "email row" later in the article.
Thank you, Snopes.com
From: Amner, Jenny
Sent: 03 June 2005 10:25
To: Phillips, Richard
Cc: *LON - ALL USERS 3RD FLOOR
Subject: RE: Ketchup trousers
With reference to the email below, I must apologise for not getting back to you straight away but due to my mother's sudden illness, death and funeral I have had more pressing issues than your £4.
I apologise again for accidentally getting a few splashes of ketchup on your trousers. Obviously your financial need as a senior associate is greater than mine as a mere secretary. Having already spoken to and shown your email and Anne-Marie's note to various partners, lawyers and trainees in ECC&T and IP/IT, they kindly offered to do a collection to raise the £4. I however declined their kind offer but should you feel the urgent need for the £4, it will be on my desk this afternoon.
Jenny
-----Original Message-----
From: Phillips, Richard
Sent: 25 May 2005 15:27
To: Amner, Jenny
Subject: Ketchup trousers
Hi Jenny
I went to a dry cleaners at lunch and they said it would cost £4 to remove the ketchup stains. If you cd let me have the cash today, that wd be much appreciated.
Thanks
Richard
Richard Phillips
Senior Associate
Commercial Department
Baker & McKenzie
100 New Bridge Street
London EC4V 6JA
Note also the use of the phrase "email row" later in the article.
Thank you, Snopes.com
Should Have Been More Discreet?
I am apparently a part of a massive math book smuggling scam. In order to save $40, I returned the book I bought at my campus bookstore. Instead, I bought a book from Amazon.com. What the seller didn't tell me was that I had ordered the "International Edition." When the book came in, I realized the difference but I didn't worry too much about it. All of the problems and examples were the same. What was the difference?Well, I still don't know what the difference is but I did find this label:
I'm hoping "the man" isn't reading my blog because I could be in trouble for some reason. And while he's searching my room he'll see that I removed the tag from my mattress.
Pusto Fan Club
Dr. John Pustejovsky (Dr. Pusto for short) of the German Department (if there is one here) is my favorite professor I've ever had at Marquette (out of a dozen or so)(Yeah parentheses!). When I had a problem with getting a tested-out-of German class put onto my transcript, he helped me out. He taught me more German in one semester than I had learned in two years of high school. He is so cool he even has a page of the Marquette website in his honor. So needless to say, I have a lot of respect for him.If it's even possible, I just gained more respect for him today. I walked into the Eucharistic chapel at the AMU and found him there, praying a rosary. Turns out he's not only a great teacher, an intelligent man, a nice guy and extremely helpful, but also a devout Catholic. I also hear that he's working on disarming Iran's nuclear program and single-handedly guarding every inch of our nation's borders. Those could just be rumors, but I'm not prepared to dismiss them without further investigation.
Crass Glass Avarice
I noticed as I was buying lunch today that our local George Webb is running a scam.
I had stopped in to buy some chicken strips after I missed lunch today. They took my order, I paid and I sat down to wait for the strips to come. On a shelf at the side of the store were George Webb products--glass tumblers, metal thermos mugs and water bottles.
The tumblers (not bad looking glasses) go for $4.95. Not unreasonable at all. I'm sure you wouuld get some quality drinkage from them and they appear to hold a generous amount of your beverage of choice. The problem is in the bulk packaging. The $4.95 glasses also can be purchased in a package of four (all the same glass, same logo, etc.) for "only" $19.95. In other words, to buy four of them gets you a price hike of $.15.
Not much of a scam, I guess, but it's a problem. We as consumers expect to save money by buying more of stuff. That's the whole point of Sam's Club, right? If the government doesn't mandate that more stuff should cost less, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and not buy those tumblers. Or maybe buy them one at a time on four seperate visits.
I had stopped in to buy some chicken strips after I missed lunch today. They took my order, I paid and I sat down to wait for the strips to come. On a shelf at the side of the store were George Webb products--glass tumblers, metal thermos mugs and water bottles.
The tumblers (not bad looking glasses) go for $4.95. Not unreasonable at all. I'm sure you wouuld get some quality drinkage from them and they appear to hold a generous amount of your beverage of choice. The problem is in the bulk packaging. The $4.95 glasses also can be purchased in a package of four (all the same glass, same logo, etc.) for "only" $19.95. In other words, to buy four of them gets you a price hike of $.15.
Not much of a scam, I guess, but it's a problem. We as consumers expect to save money by buying more of stuff. That's the whole point of Sam's Club, right? If the government doesn't mandate that more stuff should cost less, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and not buy those tumblers. Or maybe buy them one at a time on four seperate visits.
Blah
I'm still washing the icky taste out of my mouth as I type this. Someone was kind enought to adorn my last post with a spam commment about the opportunities of investing in fast growing hardwood trees. I don't like spam in my mailbox, but I have filters to get rid of most of it. Spam on my blog is just unacceptable. Who goes to all the effort of either manually entering these things or writing a program to spam blog comments?
Fortunately, I have an idea what we can do with them.
In fact, I would volunteer to help build an automated machine that comes equipped with every computer. Any time someone sent an email to more than 25 people at a time*, it would snap out and administer one solid kick to the backside for every 5 addressees over the limit. Spammers (who often send millions of emails at a time) would quickly find themselves unable to sit down. And no one wants to stand up while using the computer, so the spam problem would be solved.
*I know you might be asking me "What about those people who just have a lot of friends and want to send emails to them?" Well, anyone who is sending emails to more than that many people isn't just sending a friendly, personalized "hello". They are forwarding chain letters about brave little cancer patients and non-existent bills being considered by Congress. We would actually be killing two birds with one stone.
Fortunately, I have an idea what we can do with them.
In fact, I would volunteer to help build an automated machine that comes equipped with every computer. Any time someone sent an email to more than 25 people at a time*, it would snap out and administer one solid kick to the backside for every 5 addressees over the limit. Spammers (who often send millions of emails at a time) would quickly find themselves unable to sit down. And no one wants to stand up while using the computer, so the spam problem would be solved.
*I know you might be asking me "What about those people who just have a lot of friends and want to send emails to them?" Well, anyone who is sending emails to more than that many people isn't just sending a friendly, personalized "hello". They are forwarding chain letters about brave little cancer patients and non-existent bills being considered by Congress. We would actually be killing two birds with one stone.
Some Dork Will Know
I was looking at the lyrics to "Someday We'll Know" by the New Radicals (Don't ask why… Google does strange things to me) when I found these explanations of the lyrics.
Apparently we don't need to wait until "someday" to find out why the sky is blue. Some eager beaver at Wikipedia is glad to link you to articles on "Rayleigh Scattering" and "diffuse sky radiation."
Thanks, but I think those questions are rhetorical.
Apparently we don't need to wait until "someday" to find out why the sky is blue. Some eager beaver at Wikipedia is glad to link you to articles on "Rayleigh Scattering" and "diffuse sky radiation."
Thanks, but I think those questions are rhetorical.
Quick Post
For all of you who read my last post then noticed I didn't post for a while: I have not commited ritual seppuku. Sorry to dash all of your hopes for an exciting story. I just have enough time to drop off a quick picture.
This is Supposed to Be a No Sappy Zone
But, man, tonight is depressing. Almost everybody is gone. I have one more test tomorrow morning and I'm leaving too. Summer never looked so long. Once I get home it will be cool but right now, I'm starting to miss people. I have never in the entire time I've known most of my Marquette friends, gone more than a month without seeing them.
Perhaps a song would be appropriate.
Or maybe not. But it's already there so listen to it.
(Big Dismal - Missing You)
Perhaps a song would be appropriate.
Or maybe not. But it's already there so listen to it.
(Big Dismal - Missing You)
Sorry to Ruin Your Hyperbole…
The email I got from Apple announcing that Dave Matthews Band's new album will now be availble on iTunes was good news, but had the distinct odor of bovine fecal matter (no, thank you Texas Justice).
First of all, Stand Up is not only available on iTunes. It can be purchased in stores and through the Dave Matthews Band website (in this newfangled "compact disc" format too!). I guess it would be safe to say that it is the only legal place to buy it digitally.
Second, this isn't the first time that Dave Matthews Band music has been available digitally. Only counting legal distribution, I Did It was released through Napster back in the days of its battles with Metallica. Then DMB struck a deal with the new, legal Napster.com to have all their songs available for download at a price.
Other than that though, I bet it's really true that the album comes with a video download. Kind of like a low-quality version of the video you can get if you buy the CD/DVD double disc for only $2 more than the price of the regular album!
Please, iTunes, I love you but we need more honesty in this relationship.
Stand Up, available only on iTunes, marks a return to a more natural sound that emphasizes their loose, elastic rhythms. The first time that music by the Dave Matthews Band has been available digitally, this new album comes with a digital booklet and a video download.
First of all, Stand Up is not only available on iTunes. It can be purchased in stores and through the Dave Matthews Band website (in this newfangled "compact disc" format too!). I guess it would be safe to say that it is the only legal place to buy it digitally.Second, this isn't the first time that Dave Matthews Band music has been available digitally. Only counting legal distribution, I Did It was released through Napster back in the days of its battles with Metallica. Then DMB struck a deal with the new, legal Napster.com to have all their songs available for download at a price.
Other than that though, I bet it's really true that the album comes with a video download. Kind of like a low-quality version of the video you can get if you buy the CD/DVD double disc for only $2 more than the price of the regular album!
Please, iTunes, I love you but we need more honesty in this relationship.
Want to See Some Ugly Kids?
I know where to go!
Keep checking back, because this site is under construction. More to come on May 20, they tell us.
On a side note, how did they get models for this site?
Photographer: Ma'am, we think your kid would make a great model. Can we take some pictures?
Mother: Sure. What is it for?
Photographer: Our new website called Ugly Kids.
The more I look at those pictures, I realize that the kids aren't actually that ugly. They've been crudely Photoshopped into the little sideshow attractions they are now.
Keep checking back, because this site is under construction. More to come on May 20, they tell us.
On a side note, how did they get models for this site?
Photographer: Ma'am, we think your kid would make a great model. Can we take some pictures?
Mother: Sure. What is it for?
Photographer: Our new website called Ugly Kids.
The more I look at those pictures, I realize that the kids aren't actually that ugly. They've been crudely Photoshopped into the little sideshow attractions they are now.
Cubs Fans Smell Like Poo
Well, not all Cubs fans. I know a few who are more like armpit.But the guys who rag on Steve Bartman are definitely the pooiest. I say this because I'm watching a special on ESPN about Mr. Bartman and the Cubs game. They threw stuff at him and were getting so violent that he had to be escorted out for his own safety. I realize the fans were mad but that was totally uncalled for. That's what beer and frustration do to people.
If I had to put a percentage on it, I would say that Bartman deserves maybe nothing% of the blame. The rest goes to various Cubs for not playing baseball. Here's how ESPN ranks the top five reasons:
5) Alou loses his cool. With Alou jumping up and down and yelling, the rest of the team got worked up too.
4) Dusty Baker doesn't do anything. The team was shaken, but he didn't even leave the dugout to talk to them until after the lead was blown.
3) Alex Gonzalez messed up the easy groundball. That probably relates to #4, Dusty Baker's failure to calm the team down.
2) Losing game 7. A Harvard professor did the math and discovered that the Cubs still had a 91% chance of winning the game, even after the dropped ball.
1) The Marlins were better.
Darth Vader M&M!
I'm sure you're wondering what this is. And I would tell you right now, except that then the text wouldn't wrap around the picture. Instead I'll keep you in suspense for a few more words then say "HERE!" Feel better now?Darn, that picture is just way bigger than any text I can justify using to describe it.
Two Cents on the Pope
I've been meaning to post about the election of Pope Benedict XVI but hey, I'm lazy. And busy lately too. Instead, I'm going to shamelessly link to an article I wrote on another blog.
Tribune v. Ratzinger
Tribune v. Ratzinger
Area 51
A guy using satellite images found what seems to be Area 51 (although some says it's just an Air Force base). I'm less interested in what it is. What really amuses me are the comments people made on his LiveJournal.
Why I Love Fark.com
Kinda feel like a sesame seed bun
Don’t we all
Wait, let me get my gun
Let’s make a McDonald’s run
McGansta
Pope John Paul II 1920-2005
I wrote this out in my head earlier but I couldn't get to the computer to type it out until now.
Karol Wojtyla pray for us.
One of the greatest world leaders of the last century died today, and I wonder if anyone noticed. I was at Johnston Hall finishing my work with the paper when the news came on the Pope John Paul II had died. I had expected the earth to shake, the sky to go black and silence to fall over the land. But when I got outside the sun was still shining in a bright blue sky spotted with puffy white clouds. People were everywhere, living their lives, playing Frisbee, going to and from the library. The only sign that anything was different from every other moment of every other day was one lonely bell tolling slowing from the tower of Johnston Hall. I thought the whole world was rather unceremoniously happy.
But maybe that's how is was supposed to be. Maybe God was reminding me that the Pope's life was a reason for celebration, not sorrow. I think it was Theresa of Lisieux who said she wasn't afraid of death because in Heaven she would be able to pray for her loved ones even more. I get the feeling that's how John Paul felt as his body began to weaken over the last few days.
Karol Wojtyla pray for us.
Car or Khartoum?
A government typist learns that there's a difference between Sedan and Sudan.
Especially when it comes to dropping nuclear weapons.
Especially when it comes to dropping nuclear weapons.
Poetry!
In a link from No-Sword, I came across some great poetry by some guy named Tao Lin. It's on Bullfightreview.com.
Another good one by the same guy.
Strong language alert on the first link, but it's still good stuff.
Another good one by the same guy.
Strong language alert on the first link, but it's still good stuff.
Looking for Lebanese Women?
Shop e-bay and save!
See the ad about halfway down the page.
EDIT: (3/14/05) Sadly, the ad has changed. It no longer offers to help you find Lebanese women cheap on e-bay. I guess I'm left with Plan B: Russian mail order brides.
See the ad about halfway down the page.
EDIT: (3/14/05) Sadly, the ad has changed. It no longer offers to help you find Lebanese women cheap on e-bay. I guess I'm left with Plan B: Russian mail order brides.
Stick Around for More Updates…
It's 7:50 pm. Do you know where your silly putty is?
I don't and that's a scary thing. I shudder to think what it may have stuck itself to the bottom of.
I don't and that's a scary thing. I shudder to think what it may have stuck itself to the bottom of.
Paul McCartney Didn't Play at the Superbowl!
I've been reading up on Paul McCartney lately and it turns out that he's been dead since 1966. Little did I know, he's been played by a guy named Billy Shepherd, or Billy Campbell or something like that shutupandbelievemefool.I think this is the most convincing "believer" site I have read.
The autor of the site says that McCartney's death was an accident. The CIA was actually trying to off his manager Brian Epstein. While that whole plot seems shaky, it does fill in some holes in other conspiracies. Such as, why did the Beatles keep his death under wraps? This site explains that they did it to keep the CIA off their backs.
This one's disturbing.
The very first picture of "Paul" (Billy Shepherd?) naked. (He's covered enough to be safe, but just barely.) Those gifs of the morphing faces are really creepy too.
I think the credibility of the site is undermined for several reasons. First of all, it refers the alleged impostor as "Billy Shepherd." Just about every other source calls him "Billy Campbell." Secondly, it lists Paul's date of death as September 11, 1966. This is probably a misunderstanding of the actual date given by most theories of 11-9 (November 9). The site has a .it ending, so the writer probably assumes the European custom of date before month. The writer might also be looking for some 9-11 connections.
From the BBC's h2g2 network.
This source seems pretty skeptical. It has a lot of things that seem to add up, though. Some of the stuff is kind of creepy.
This one's in-depth.
It believes that the "Paul is dead" theory is fake, but it goes into more details and clues than I've seen anywhere else.
I Should Have Known
There was a link in my Hotmail account to an article headlined Is Marc Controlling J.Lo? In a fit of silliness, I clicked the link. It confirmed what I had suspected all along. Try it yourself.
Are You a Serial Killer?
Click here to find out. I got it right, strangely enough. But I cheated. The voices told me the answer.
Scientists Are Funny People
If you ever wondered what the fruitfly genome might sound like hooked up to a computer's music snythesizer, wait no longer! Just click here.
You've Probably Already Seen This…
But for those of you who are missing out, here it is.
It's about 2 minutes of some guy singing falsetto to techno music in front of his computer. Don't let my bland description rob you of the pleasure of seeing this for yourself.
Here is a site with subtitles and translation. Any guess on the language?
It's about 2 minutes of some guy singing falsetto to techno music in front of his computer. Don't let my bland description rob you of the pleasure of seeing this for yourself.
Here is a site with subtitles and translation. Any guess on the language?
Proof that Europeans are Weird
From the the English version of the official website for Philipps Universität in Marburg Germany.
Click the "Where is Marburg?" link and wait for the strangeness to ensue.
Click the "Where is Marburg?" link and wait for the strangeness to ensue.
Disturbing Dating Ad
I found this ad running down the side of a page while I was checking my hotmail account.
What exactly is this ad saying?
"True Dating Service: If you're looking for someone to grab your butt, you're in the right place"?
I noticed the fine print at the bottom (tee hee!) says "We screen for felons and married people." I have questions about whether or not that's true (or even possible), but that's not the point. Shouldn't they screen for dirty minded men who want to feel girls up in the middle of a poppy field? Look at the expression on that guy's face. He's not thinking good thoughts, I'll tell you that. And considering the surroundings, I bet he's an opium dealer. I guess they can't screen out future felons.
On another note, something about this picture just doesn't look right. The guy's arms are situated really awkwardly. And where are his legs? I only see one set (and they are coming out of the girl's hips). Maybe the guy was born without legs. The only way he can keep his balance while this girl carries him is by *ahem* holding on tight.
There's No Such Thing as Too Much Pirate
What's yarrr pirate name?
My pirate name is:
Black Harry Rackham
Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.
Look out if you try to post your results. The code is ugly. I had to fix some of it myself.
My pirate name is:
Black Harry Rackham
Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.
Look out if you try to post your results. The code is ugly. I had to fix some of it myself.
