Obligatory Breaking News Post
I'll just let the ex-governor and my Photoshopping skills speak for themselves:
[W]hether it's a court of law or administrative hearing or whether it's schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn't the one who did it. He's got other boys he'd like to have tell the teachers he didn't do it.
I just feel bad for his future cellmate.
Priorities
I received a text message from America's favorite blogger, Tommy "not a religious books publisher" Nelson, while I was at work today. I quote "Blago is gone!"
Apparently by a unanimous vote, none the less. If I had known it would be this easy, I would have suggested it six years ago.
Anyway, that's not even my main point. My main point is I went to cnn.com when Google News didn't immediately bring up a story. This I what I was greeted with as the top story:
Sadly, I can't show you the full context. It would probably be considered inappropriate to take screen captures of Brazilian bikini models while using work computers. By the time I got home, she was no longer the top story.*
So, the Senate of an American state just voted to kick its governor out of office and CNN is leading with a story about a Brazilian model? Admittedly, she died and that's sad. But it's not headline news. It's not really news at all. And the fact that she had a series of amputations and eventually succumbed to sepsis from a urinary tract infection is not really my business. Let the poor woman rest in peace. Don't crash her funeral with your cameras, asking her family to cry on cue. You bastards make me sick.
Wow, that got out of hand. I was hoping to make a light-hearted post about CNN being stupid, but then my pent-up righteous anger got the best of me. I'll post pictures of monkeys picking their noses tomorrow.
*I'd like to point out that the Brazilian bikini model story was not bumped off the front page impeachment coverage. When I checked about an hour ago, the lead story was about a guy who faked his own death in 1989, leaving behind a fiancee and kids from a previous marriage in an apparent attempt to live out the plotline of an episode of My Name is Earl.
Apparently by a unanimous vote, none the less. If I had known it would be this easy, I would have suggested it six years ago.
Anyway, that's not even my main point. My main point is I went to cnn.com when Google News didn't immediately bring up a story. This I what I was greeted with as the top story:
Sadly, I can't show you the full context. It would probably be considered inappropriate to take screen captures of Brazilian bikini models while using work computers. By the time I got home, she was no longer the top story.*
So, the Senate of an American state just voted to kick its governor out of office and CNN is leading with a story about a Brazilian model? Admittedly, she died and that's sad. But it's not headline news. It's not really news at all. And the fact that she had a series of amputations and eventually succumbed to sepsis from a urinary tract infection is not really my business. Let the poor woman rest in peace. Don't crash her funeral with your cameras, asking her family to cry on cue. You bastards make me sick.
Wow, that got out of hand. I was hoping to make a light-hearted post about CNN being stupid, but then my pent-up righteous anger got the best of me. I'll post pictures of monkeys picking their noses tomorrow.
*I'd like to point out that the Brazilian bikini model story was not bumped off the front page impeachment coverage. When I checked about an hour ago, the lead story was about a guy who faked his own death in 1989, leaving behind a fiancee and kids from a previous marriage in an apparent attempt to live out the plotline of an episode of My Name is Earl.
The Best Excuse Ever
I wish I had had someone to avoid today, because I had a great excuse. I was actually helping a handicapped old woman carry boxes of food to the poor.
chmod 007 *
I've gotten tired of deleting directories with Subversion data in them, only to get a million "Are you sure?" messages. So I added an alias "ex-pred" to my .bash_profile. Remove those directories with extreme prejudice!
alias ex-pred='rm -rf'The High Today Was -2
It's really bloody cold. It's cold in my room, which has two outside facing walls. It's cold in my apartment, which (ultimately) has four outside-facing walls. It's cold outside, where there are no walls at all and the only thing keeping the heat is in the clouds, I think, although I've never been terribly good at meteorology.
It's so cold that I'm sitting under a blanket, blogging and drinking whiskey. It's so cold that I got brainfreeze at lunch...eathing chicken noodle soup*. It's so cold it makes me cuss inside my head and when I open my mouth it comes out. It's so cold that, it totally makes sense why Vikings thought Hell was like this. It's so cold that I saw a moose asking Sarah Palin to put it out of its misery (I imagine Dave Letterman will use that line tonight). It's so cold that people from Texas are continuing to complain about how cold it is, just like they have ever since the temperature first dropped below 50 in October.
Stay warm out there folks! Drive safe and don't forget to tip your waitresses!
*It's so cold that I thought that was pretty funny line when I came up with it.
It's so cold that I'm sitting under a blanket, blogging and drinking whiskey. It's so cold that I got brainfreeze at lunch...eathing chicken noodle soup*. It's so cold it makes me cuss inside my head and when I open my mouth it comes out. It's so cold that, it totally makes sense why Vikings thought Hell was like this. It's so cold that I saw a moose asking Sarah Palin to put it out of its misery (I imagine Dave Letterman will use that line tonight). It's so cold that people from Texas are continuing to complain about how cold it is, just like they have ever since the temperature first dropped below 50 in October.
Stay warm out there folks! Drive safe and don't forget to tip your waitresses!
*It's so cold that I thought that was pretty funny line when I came up with it.
Thank You, Chris Cassel, Whoever You Are
I was having a heck of a time getting CakePHP to work right in a subdirectory of my webserver. By nature, Cake wants your whole webserver to itself. Fortunately, this Chris guy figured out a way to get it cooperate with my other webpages.
Thanks, Mr. Chris guy!
Thanks, Mr. Chris guy!
The Moon Landing Was Fake
I made an observation the other day. One of reasons the internet is so difficult a medium to have meaningful conversations is that it's nearly impossible to tell who's a genuine idiot and who's being ironic. When I expressed this to one of my friends, he suggested that there might not be any difference. As the author of a fairly ironic blog, this provides an answer but little consolation.
Quote of the Day!
While kissing is normally very safe, doctors urge people to proceed with caution, the China Daily reported.- Brisbane Times
My Least Masculine Online Day Ever
Earlier today, my sister sent me a "Who's your Twilight dream guy?" facebook application. A few hours later a friend sent me a facebook gift of bubble bath, along with a message about whipped cream. Then my previous blog post had me scouring the internet cursing the fact that there are so few pictures Dennis Rodman's risque book cover.
If you need me, I'll be lifting weights and listening to Eye of the Tiger.
If you need me, I'll be lifting weights and listening to Eye of the Tiger.
I Find This Progression Disturbing
A chronological listing of Anne Coulter's book covers:
On the cover of her next book Mad as I'm Gonna Be, there will be nothing but a motorcycle and strategically placed copy of Reflections on the Revolution in France to shield our eyes*.
*Too obscure?
On the cover of her next book Mad as I'm Gonna Be, there will be nothing but a motorcycle and strategically placed copy of Reflections on the Revolution in France to shield our eyes*.
*Too obscure?
Church of the Holy Whapping
Where you learn something Catholic and weird every day!
It seems some native parents were acting as godparents to their own children. Since being co-godparents was a canonical impediment to the marriage of the parents--it created a 'spiritual relationship' or kinship--some were using this as an excuse to divorce [sic] their wives and remarry.
Overheard on the Street
Girl on cellphone: "The guy said 'What are you going to do, start a gunfight from your wheelchair?'"
What I Really Mean When I Say I Don't Believe in Money
Earlier today, I said I don't believe in money. Mostly, I did it just to watch my financially educated friends get that little throbby vein on the sides of their necks. "Not believing in money" was hyperbole, but I also had a point (or rather a theory of how our view of money is messed up).
To put it briefly, in the context of the recent economic events: If you lost money and no one else actually gained it, you never had that money in the first place.
I will explain further in a later post.
To put it briefly, in the context of the recent economic events: If you lost money and no one else actually gained it, you never had that money in the first place.
I will explain further in a later post.
I'm Going To Have to Disinfect The Furniture
Two of the most recent google searches that brought viewers to my blog were "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" and "feels so right it can't be wrong".
You people frighten me.
EDIT: Further investigation shows that "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" came from Windsor, England. It's nice to know that Prince Charles reads my blog.
You people frighten me.
EDIT: Further investigation shows that "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" came from Windsor, England. It's nice to know that Prince Charles reads my blog.
Misery Loves Company
The host of a show I was watching today tried to keep my from turning off the TV at a commercial break. He said "I'm not going anywhere and I hope you aren't either."
I don't find that inviting. Actually it's kind of insulting to have a B-list celebrity say "I'm going absolutely nowhere and hopefully you're stuck in a dead-end existence too!" Listen, buddy, I'm not not going anywhere nearly as quickly as you are.
I don't find that inviting. Actually it's kind of insulting to have a B-list celebrity say "I'm going absolutely nowhere and hopefully you're stuck in a dead-end existence too!" Listen, buddy, I'm not not going anywhere nearly as quickly as you are.
Reason to be Catholic #9515464
I saw a version of this diagram on the ceiling of a church I went to this weekend. I'm not sure what it's actually called, but I like to think of it a Trinity For Dummies.
Could God Microwave a Burrito So Hot Even He Couldn't Eat It?
And could Samuel L. Jackson pick out an outfit so wussy even he couldn't look badass in it?
Well, Crap
"My attitude toward progress has passed from antagonism to boredom. I have long ceased to argue with people who prefer Thursday to Wednesday because it is Thursday." - GK ChestertonI guess this will be a good chance for conservatives to go sit in the corner and think about what they've done.
Meanwhile, Christians are going to have to actually go out and do stuff. If you want the pro-life cause to move forward, you have to go work for it. Don't expect the government to just pass laws for you. Then when we've decided what we really belive in we're going to have to actually vote for him in the primaries, rather than let the news channels tell us who's electable and who's not.
Donating Blood*
I'm a hero. I saved two lives today. Did Superman save two lives today? No. Superman doesn't even exist. And if he did exist he would be a deadbeat dad. Are you saying that deadbeat dads are heroes? I don't think so, you sicko. Superman is actually way less of a hero than I am.
The best thing about this kind of heroism is that it causes low blood sugar and drowsiness. I used that as an excuse to nap at my desk all afternoon. Hey, I saved two lives today. Wake me up with you accomplish something.
*I almost typed "donuting" blood, which is not too far off.
The best thing about this kind of heroism is that it causes low blood sugar and drowsiness. I used that as an excuse to nap at my desk all afternoon. Hey, I saved two lives today. Wake me up with you accomplish something.
*I almost typed "donuting" blood, which is not too far off.
Cross Cultural Dialog
Walking to lunch at work last week, I had a strange conversation with a couple of the Indian contractors I work with. I suspect something was lost in translation.
R: Are you married, Aaron?
Me: No.
A: Does he look married?*
R: No, he looks happy.
* Translation: Doesn't he look like a high school student who painted that goatee on with his mom's eybrow pencil?
R: Are you married, Aaron?
Me: No.
A: Does he look married?*
R: No, he looks happy.
* Translation: Doesn't he look like a high school student who painted that goatee on with his mom's eybrow pencil?
For Those Who May Be Interested
I just installed Subversion on my computer this weekend. It's really nice to have a versioning system that doesn't consist of me adding "-old" to the end of filenames and hoping to remember which version it is.
I kept running into a problem with importing projects, though. In some documents, the syntax seems to be backwards. The correct syntax is:
So if any of you were wondering, that's how it goes. Hope that helps.
I kept running into a problem with importing projects, though. In some documents, the syntax seems to be backwards. The correct syntax is:
svn import /Location/to/source/ \
file:///Location/to/repository -m "Initial Import"So if any of you were wondering, that's how it goes. Hope that helps.
Geocide Update
The exact details are unclear, but apparently the earth has been destroyed. My status icon has changed from "not destroyed" to "destroyed." Details will appear at the Earth Destruction Advisory Board as they become available.
The Powerless Have One Choice Other Than Despair
I saw part of the debate last night. I turned it off to watch The Office*. The more I think about the election the less happy I am about it. I feel completely powerless to know what the right decision is, even if my vote would make any difference anyway.
There's only one way for the powerless to do the most they can to change the world for good (also, there is only one way for the powerful to do the most they can to change the world for good and it's the same way). We're just going to have to pray this one out.
Our Lady Guadalupe is the patron saint of both North America and the pro-life cause. I'm going to pray a novena from October 26 to November 3. Join me. Jesus says wherever two or more are gathered, God is there. So that means me plus my entire readership may be just about enough.
*C'mon, you know "The Deposition" was the best episode of Season 4.
There's only one way for the powerless to do the most they can to change the world for good (also, there is only one way for the powerful to do the most they can to change the world for good and it's the same way). We're just going to have to pray this one out.
Our Lady Guadalupe is the patron saint of both North America and the pro-life cause. I'm going to pray a novena from October 26 to November 3. Join me. Jesus says wherever two or more are gathered, God is there. So that means me plus my entire readership may be just about enough.
*C'mon, you know "The Deposition" was the best episode of Season 4.
Unrelated Thoughts
I picked up The Onion today as I was walking out of a local beverage establishment. Having only moderately partaken of their products, I was not in a lessened state of awareness, but I was feeling somewhat warmer and happier than usual. One of the front page headlines initially appeared to be "Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planets Fly." "Ha," I thought to my warm happy self. "That's a good question. What is keeping those planets flying around?"
Another look revealed that I had misread the healine. It was really "Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planes Fly." Essentially, a shorter and less funny version of this post. The Onion was too embarassed of their blatant rip-offery to even post the story online, so I can't link to it. Let me just say, if you read my post you read everything worth reading in that story and a bit more. (They didn't even have the temerity to use the word "half-arsed," like I did. Also, they didn't have the pedantry to use the word "temerity." And they didn't have the impetuousity to use the word "pedantry." Etc.) That's the kind of service I strive to provide.
Also, is Jan gone yet?
Another look revealed that I had misread the healine. It was really "Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planes Fly." Essentially, a shorter and less funny version of this post. The Onion was too embarassed of their blatant rip-offery to even post the story online, so I can't link to it. Let me just say, if you read my post you read everything worth reading in that story and a bit more. (They didn't even have the temerity to use the word "half-arsed," like I did. Also, they didn't have the pedantry to use the word "temerity." And they didn't have the impetuousity to use the word "pedantry." Etc.) That's the kind of service I strive to provide.
Also, is Jan gone yet?
The Future Ain't What It Used to Be
According to my (admittedly weak) understanding of the theory of relativity and time travel, you can only go forward in time. Therefore, any scientist who manages to time travel will only be able to go forward... to a time when time travel has already been invented.So rather than being crowned a hero for managing to travel through time, he's going to be just another one of those guys from the past who keep popping up. I imagine this is going to be rather disappointing.
Also, Get Off My Lawn
While asking the Google about when baseball games are being shown, I came across this article about how some playoff games are only being shown on cable. Which is totally bogus, say dozens of rambling, semi-literate USA Today readers.
My personal favorite:
My personal favorite:
I remember the good old days where all games were on network one at a time, never overlapping. It is really sad to think that the networks don't want any of the playoffs. I blame it on football and soccer. Kids these days find these action sports better than America's pastime. They can't appreciate how great the sport is because it lacks the constant action they need in these days of violent video games.
Q: When is the proper time to use the ternary operator?
A: Any time!
I found this in a Java program I was updating at work:
Which is obviously redundant in this case. Geez.
I found this in a Java program I was updating at work:
boolean boolExcluded = obj.getString()
.equalsIgnoreCase("yes") ? true : false;Which is obviously redundant in this case. Geez.
"Completely Incapable of Pleasing a Woman?"
That's a direct quote from the subject line of an email I got today. I tell myself to be strong, but it stings a little bit.
Watching the RNC
I know, liveblogging political events is not The Flametroll Way to Be©. I'll post something about monkeys soon, no doubt.
I caught the tail end of Giuliani's speech. I don't really like him very much, so I was drifting in and out. I did catch a phrase about McCain fighting for "freedom here and abroad." Giuliani didn't mention how lucky he has been to have enjoyed freedom here and three broads. He also paused awkwardly for cheers, leaving the audience wondering what to do for a couple of seconds before they realized that he was waiting on them.
Sarah Palin's speech was pretty good. The attacks seemed little forced, I thought. Maybe being harsh doesn't come naturally, I don't know. My main complaint was that she gave her kids ridiculous names: Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.Three Four All of those are admissible in a game of Scrabble. (EDIT: Apparently "Bristol" is a "a smooth cardboard." "Trig" as an adjective means "neat" and as a verb means "to make trig." Enlightening.) I'm sure those kids are perfectly happy with their names--and it's no skin off my nose if they are. But seriously, those are not real names.
*The Scrabble rule of names (which occurred to me just now) states that any non-nickname (ie, Bob, Sue, Rich) which is longer than three letters long and is admissible in a game of Scrabble is not a suitable name for a child. I'm talking to you, people who name your kids Hunter, Rivers, Apple and Tanner.
Addendum 1: Theological Virtues and Gifts or Fruits of the Holy Spirit are grudgingly accepted. Hope and Faith, we'll let you two slide. But only if the parents have had so many kids that they're out of real names.
Addendum 2: Last names of all former American Presidents are off-limits. That means no Madisons, no Lincolns, no Taylors. Sorry, the almanac is not a baby names book.
I caught the tail end of Giuliani's speech. I don't really like him very much, so I was drifting in and out. I did catch a phrase about McCain fighting for "freedom here and abroad." Giuliani didn't mention how lucky he has been to have enjoyed freedom here and three broads. He also paused awkwardly for cheers, leaving the audience wondering what to do for a couple of seconds before they realized that he was waiting on them.
Sarah Palin's speech was pretty good. The attacks seemed little forced, I thought. Maybe being harsh doesn't come naturally, I don't know. My main complaint was that she gave her kids ridiculous names: Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.
*The Scrabble rule of names (which occurred to me just now) states that any non-nickname (ie, Bob, Sue, Rich) which is longer than three letters long and is admissible in a game of Scrabble is not a suitable name for a child. I'm talking to you, people who name your kids Hunter, Rivers, Apple and Tanner.
Addendum 1: Theological Virtues and Gifts or Fruits of the Holy Spirit are grudgingly accepted. Hope and Faith, we'll let you two slide. But only if the parents have had so many kids that they're out of real names.
Addendum 2: Last names of all former American Presidents are off-limits. That means no Madisons, no Lincolns, no Taylors. Sorry, the almanac is not a baby names book.
Some Thoughts I Had As I Was Running
The Harley-Davidson 105th Anniversary celebration is in town, and I must say it's kind of intimidating. You know the experience: you're running down Wisconsin Ave like a little dork (you have that feeling too, right?) when a burly biker pulls up next to you, clad in leather and sporting impressive facial hair. Then you see her husband and you get really nervous.
Seriously, though, every biker I've encountered has been really cool. Case in point: in the middle of a stream of Harley riders, there was one guy in a preppy pastel polo and khaki shorts, wearing salmon colored sunglasses. Riding a Yamaha. Yet none of the bikers did what I wanted to do: rough him up and take his lunch money.
There's a building on Prospect Ave with a sign that says "Body Awareness." I'm not sure what that means. I keep expecting someone to pop out as I run by and yell "You have a body!" I imagine the response they're looking for is "Holy crap, I do!"
Seriously, though, every biker I've encountered has been really cool. Case in point: in the middle of a stream of Harley riders, there was one guy in a preppy pastel polo and khaki shorts, wearing salmon colored sunglasses. Riding a Yamaha. Yet none of the bikers did what I wanted to do: rough him up and take his lunch money.
There's a building on Prospect Ave with a sign that says "Body Awareness." I'm not sure what that means. I keep expecting someone to pop out as I run by and yell "You have a body!" I imagine the response they're looking for is "Holy crap, I do!"
Why I Hate Flying
Ok, so hate is a strong word. Maybe more like "Why I Never Feel Very Comfortable Flying."
It's not the food. I'll eat pretty much anything. It's not the lack of space or the fact that sudden pressure changes wreak havoc on my eardrum that's mainly made of neck tissue (That's a long story, on a related note I'm traumatized by monkeys with cymbals and anything artificially banana flavored. But I digress.)
No, the real reason I don't like flying is much more pragmatic. I don't actually believe that it works. Sure, I learned about Bernoulli and all that in high school. I've seen experiments involving paper airplanes or ping pong balls. But there's the difference. A sheet of paper or a tiny, thin piece of hollow plastic does not compare the 20-ton behemoths we supposedly get up into the sky every day.
A 747 is nothing more than a heavy piece of metal with a couple of ridiculous wings attached. That pretty much sounds like a 50's Cadillac to me. And pound for pound, I'd say Elvis's car has a better chance of getting off the ground than one of those things.
And that's just the plane itself. Then you add a couple hundred people--and I mean good, solid Americans--whose average weight is certainly much closer to "Elvis" than "ping pong ball."
No, I don't believe there is a natural force on earth that could get that much steel and flesh up to 500 mph at an altitude of 6 miles (except maybe Arnold Schwarenegger colliding with Vin Diesel at near light-speeds. And we know that's impossible because they would burn up from the friction before they could reach each other.*)
I believe what's really happening here is pure voodoo magic. Some airline employee snaps the neck of a chicken right before takeoff. The airlines certainly aren't spending the money to sacrifice a goat for every flight. To fund that, they'd have to start charging passengers $10 for a bag of pretzels or $8 for no bag of pretzels. And now that I've written that down on the internet, some airline is going to start doing that anyway.
Anyway, since I don't believe in air travel I never worry about whether the mechanics did their job. I only worry that the medicine man (who probably works for the TSA) is doing the same half-arsed job all the other airline employees are doing. What if he's drunkenly performing the rituals wrong? Or only sacrificing one chicken for every two flights?
So instead I pray to the Catholic God (you know, the real one. That there's three of, but only one of) and figure He'll sort things out. It will be nice to get to heaven before Elvis--who's still out there somewhere, probably impersonating Paul McCartney.
* Obligatory pun: Diesel spontaneously combusts at 410 degrees Fahrenheit.
It's not the food. I'll eat pretty much anything. It's not the lack of space or the fact that sudden pressure changes wreak havoc on my eardrum that's mainly made of neck tissue (That's a long story, on a related note I'm traumatized by monkeys with cymbals and anything artificially banana flavored. But I digress.)
No, the real reason I don't like flying is much more pragmatic. I don't actually believe that it works. Sure, I learned about Bernoulli and all that in high school. I've seen experiments involving paper airplanes or ping pong balls. But there's the difference. A sheet of paper or a tiny, thin piece of hollow plastic does not compare the 20-ton behemoths we supposedly get up into the sky every day.
A 747 is nothing more than a heavy piece of metal with a couple of ridiculous wings attached. That pretty much sounds like a 50's Cadillac to me. And pound for pound, I'd say Elvis's car has a better chance of getting off the ground than one of those things.
And that's just the plane itself. Then you add a couple hundred people--and I mean good, solid Americans--whose average weight is certainly much closer to "Elvis" than "ping pong ball."
No, I don't believe there is a natural force on earth that could get that much steel and flesh up to 500 mph at an altitude of 6 miles (except maybe Arnold Schwarenegger colliding with Vin Diesel at near light-speeds. And we know that's impossible because they would burn up from the friction before they could reach each other.*)
I believe what's really happening here is pure voodoo magic. Some airline employee snaps the neck of a chicken right before takeoff. The airlines certainly aren't spending the money to sacrifice a goat for every flight. To fund that, they'd have to start charging passengers $10 for a bag of pretzels or $8 for no bag of pretzels. And now that I've written that down on the internet, some airline is going to start doing that anyway.
Anyway, since I don't believe in air travel I never worry about whether the mechanics did their job. I only worry that the medicine man (who probably works for the TSA) is doing the same half-arsed job all the other airline employees are doing. What if he's drunkenly performing the rituals wrong? Or only sacrificing one chicken for every two flights?
So instead I pray to the Catholic God (you know, the real one. That there's three of, but only one of) and figure He'll sort things out. It will be nice to get to heaven before Elvis--who's still out there somewhere, probably impersonating Paul McCartney.
* Obligatory pun: Diesel spontaneously combusts at 410 degrees Fahrenheit.
Feeding the Trolls
I love the internet. There's nowhere else on earth that a conversation about a neutral topic like Javascript can get so personal so fast.
Observe.
Observe.
People Get Grants for This?
A new study shows that non-smokers who are married to smokers have a higher risk of stroke.
Allow me to paraphrase: All things being equal, people who spend more time inhaling cigarette smoke have more health issues than those who don't.
Some studies created the technology that cured polio and sent humans to the moon. Other studies brought us the technology that puts new improved nose hair trimmers in SkyMall catalogs.
Allow me to paraphrase: All things being equal, people who spend more time inhaling cigarette smoke have more health issues than those who don't.
Some studies created the technology that cured polio and sent humans to the moon. Other studies brought us the technology that puts new improved nose hair trimmers in SkyMall catalogs.
Things That Are Beautiful About Milwaukee
Part 1 of a continuing series:
Milwaukee wind is notorious for managing to always blow in your face, no matter which direction you're facing. The maze of downtown buildings wraps it around and brings it back at you at just that moment when you thought you had escaped it.
That is not necessarily desirable in the winter. But for a few months a year, Milwaukee manages not to be winter. The climate takes a deep breath and gathers its energy like a lazy man getting out of a recliner. Eventually he heaves himself up and temperatures nudge their way into the upper 80's or 90's. He staggers to the fridge for a beer and soon enough it's winter again, but for those couple of months, the wind is wonderful.
The wind
Milwaukee wind is notorious for managing to always blow in your face, no matter which direction you're facing. The maze of downtown buildings wraps it around and brings it back at you at just that moment when you thought you had escaped it.
That is not necessarily desirable in the winter. But for a few months a year, Milwaukee manages not to be winter. The climate takes a deep breath and gathers its energy like a lazy man getting out of a recliner. Eventually he heaves himself up and temperatures nudge their way into the upper 80's or 90's. He staggers to the fridge for a beer and soon enough it's winter again, but for those couple of months, the wind is wonderful.
More Mike News!
I just finished putting the Mike Mangione lyrics site live. It doesn't have all of the lyrics to every song yet, but I'm working on it. Every bit of help...well, helps. So if you know the lyrics to a song, visit the site and send me a message over there.
Mike even linked to it from his site, which makes me feel pretty good inside.
MikeMangioneLyrics.com
Mike even linked to it from his site, which makes me feel pretty good inside.
MikeMangioneLyrics.com
UPD4TE!!!!1!!
A spam email warns me "SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND WANTS YOU DEAD."
This is pretty depressing. It's one thing to have spam constantly insinuating that your manhood isn't up to standard, but I've never seen one that foretells your imminent death. I'm not sure I like the direction the internet is going anymore.
This is pretty depressing. It's one thing to have spam constantly insinuating that your manhood isn't up to standard, but I've never seen one that foretells your imminent death. I'm not sure I like the direction the internet is going anymore.
What the Heck, Facebook?
Facebook's ads must be automatically generated based on my profile information. There's no way a human could make something as tacky as some of those ads are.
Observe:
Observe:
I Can Has Website
And I does! www.aaronmorey.org.
Sorry, I've never reference LOLcats before (and for good reason, they're as close as you can come to being below the intelligence level of this blog) but it's late and I'm not practicing good judgment.
Sorry, I've never reference LOLcats before (and for good reason, they're as close as you can come to being below the intelligence level of this blog) but it's late and I'm not practicing good judgment.
Things You Learn
Wearing your work ID badge into the confessional for face-to-face confession kills that last little glimmer of anonymity.
The Election Better Go My Way
It's a long tradition among actors to make threats if elections don't go the way they want them to. Since having good bone structure and being a good pretender is enough to make these people political experts, I don't think being homely and ignorant should keep me from expressing my opinions.
Let me just say it here: if Obama is elected, I will move to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. You heard me. I actually intend to go through with this, unlike any actor so far. I won't be escaping to the land of bidets and tiny cars, but I will still have things to look forward to.
Top Ten Ways to Know You're In Wisconsin
10) You are having someone read this list to you because your eyelashes are frozen together.
9) You are reading this list yourself thanks to your excellent MPS education.
8) John Madden is still saying the name of your town.
7) One good night at the plate in your softball league and Alderman McGee keeps calling your house.
6) You know that "the giant bronze Winkler" isn't anything dirty.
5) Someone in the room cares that the Brewers just dipped below .500.
4) You got teary eyed from reading the number of this item.
3) You are pre-gaming for the Packer's opener already.
2) You're pretty pumped for Pirate Fest.
1) Guy who was supposed to write number 1 fell in a pothole and hasn't been seen in three days.
Let me just say it here: if Obama is elected, I will move to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. You heard me. I actually intend to go through with this, unlike any actor so far. I won't be escaping to the land of bidets and tiny cars, but I will still have things to look forward to.
Top Ten Ways to Know You're In Wisconsin
10) You are having someone read this list to you because your eyelashes are frozen together.
9) You are reading this list yourself thanks to your excellent MPS education.
8) John Madden is still saying the name of your town.
7) One good night at the plate in your softball league and Alderman McGee keeps calling your house.
6) You know that "the giant bronze Winkler" isn't anything dirty.
5) Someone in the room cares that the Brewers just dipped below .500.
4) You got teary eyed from reading the number of this item.
3) You are pre-gaming for the Packer's opener already.
2) You're pretty pumped for Pirate Fest.
1) Guy who was supposed to write number 1 fell in a pothole and hasn't been seen in three days.
Gas Still Cheaper Than High Life
But it's getting closer.The difference is that I don't go through 2/3 of a gallon of High Life every time I drive to my friends' houses across town. Things would be more interesting if I did, though...
Food for Thought
The bible is long and complicated, and you live a busy life. So let an accredited theologian (me) do the work for you.
Today's Passage in a Minute is Acts 10:9-22.
Summary
God shows Peter some non-kosher animals and say "Eat them." Peter says no. God says "eat them," and Peter says no. God says "Shut up listen to me. Eat them." Peter says ok. Some people come over and Peter has dinner with them.
Live it out!
Find a centurion and go out for Baconators. Be sure to get cheese so it will be as non-kosher as possible.
Reflection
Ponder your mortality as your cholesterol level rises to the heavens like "a burnt offering... an aroma pleasing to the Lord."
Today's Passage in a Minute is Acts 10:9-22.
Summary
God shows Peter some non-kosher animals and say "Eat them." Peter says no. God says "eat them," and Peter says no. God says "Shut up listen to me. Eat them." Peter says ok. Some people come over and Peter has dinner with them.
Live it out!
Find a centurion and go out for Baconators. Be sure to get cheese so it will be as non-kosher as possible.
Reflection
Ponder your mortality as your cholesterol level rises to the heavens like "a burnt offering... an aroma pleasing to the Lord."
Crusader Poetry
I came across an article about an ancient crusader with a particularly interesting tomb.
According to one source, an inscription on his tomb reads: "You who tread upon me, you will also be trodden upon: think about that, and pray for me." So just to be safe, the people who maintain the church he's resting in made sure to put a sheet of glass over his tomb.
The guy's name is (seriously) Anselme de Cays. I was inspired to write a limerick.
*And if you're not going to spend any time in purgatory at all, you're probably not the kind of person who needs an ulterior motive to pray for somebody.
According to one source, an inscription on his tomb reads: "You who tread upon me, you will also be trodden upon: think about that, and pray for me." So just to be safe, the people who maintain the church he's resting in made sure to put a sheet of glass over his tomb.
The guy's name is (seriously) Anselme de Cays. I was inspired to write a limerick.
There's a tomb where a Knight Templar lays.Seriously, though, you should say a prayer for him. When you're sitting in purgatory* sweating off the effects of your sins, you'll want a Crusader praying for you.
If one day his body is raised
The worm and the heat
(If not trampling feet)
Will ensure we see Anselme deCays.
*And if you're not going to spend any time in purgatory at all, you're probably not the kind of person who needs an ulterior motive to pray for somebody.
Presidential Thoughts
I was thinking about Ron Paul earlier today, but when his name entered my head I said "John Paul" to myself instead. So, constitutionally speaking, can you write in a deceased Polish-born Roman for president?
A bit more self-publicizing
For those of you who are curious (and I mainly mean Google's searchbots), I'm working on a Mike Mangione lyrics site. There's a full listing of songs here.
The Great Duh-vorce
If you haven't read The Great Divorce by CS Lewis, you're missing out. go to the library and get it.
The premise is that a bunch of souls take a bus ride out of hell into the outskirts of heaven. So this book is pretty much about a bunch of spirits floating around. Strangely, this must not be as obvious as I thought. When we encounter a character named Dick on page 39, a reader felt need to make special note of this, to another reader's exasperation.
The premise is that a bunch of souls take a bus ride out of hell into the outskirts of heaven. So this book is pretty much about a bunch of spirits floating around. Strangely, this must not be as obvious as I thought. When we encounter a character named Dick on page 39, a reader felt need to make special note of this, to another reader's exasperation.
Publicity
This doesn't really serve much purpose other than to push Google to index my main web page. So go visit Aaron Morey's main site at dizzy.zacintosh.com. Be warned it's not in tip-top shape right now. I'm lacking in the time to fix everything that needs to be fixed, so this is all as-is. I really have made better web pages than that, believe it or not.
In the near future, the location of the site may change. I'll try to remember to go back and update this then.
Thank you,
The Management
In the near future, the location of the site may change. I'll try to remember to go back and update this then.
Thank you,
The Management
Monk Rock
Lame pun, I know.
But how else do you title a post about a group of monks who does Gregorian chant covers of popular music?
Some of them include Tears in Heaven, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, The Sound of Silence and My Immortal.
Strangely, one of the best is Losing My Religion.
Update: I'm not sure if they're really monks...
But how else do you title a post about a group of monks who does Gregorian chant covers of popular music?
Some of them include Tears in Heaven, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, The Sound of Silence and My Immortal.
Strangely, one of the best is Losing My Religion.
Update: I'm not sure if they're really monks...
Speaking of John C. Wright
It's Like Pizza Flavored Beer!*
Those who know me, know that I love several things: The Lord of the Rings, humor and pointless arguments. Thanks to a post linked by John C. Wright, I am able to indulge all of those in a single blog post: Lord of the Rings and Property Law.
Don't know anything about property law? Neither does 95% of the rest of the internet. Don't let that stop you from commenting!
*
Don't know anything about property law? Neither does 95% of the rest of the internet. Don't let that stop you from commenting!
*
The Peanuts Are Complimentary*
In a previous post about Mike Mangione, I used the word "complimentary." Normally I'm a bit of a stickler for proper English, but I'm not completely sure whether I used the correct synonym.
*
*
A Flametroll Movie Poll
This is a poll. I know there are at least a couple of readers out there. Do me a favor and leave a quick comment telling me whether I'm on the right track with this. Among my friends, I'm apparently in the great minority on this issue, so I'd like to know if I'm crazy.
Having seen it again, I repeat my impression of the movie: a shrug and and "ehh." I didn't hate it. I just didn't particularly like it. To me, it didn't mean anything. A lot of stuff happened, but why? For what purpose? What should I take away from this movie?
Everyone asked how I could like Lord of the Rings and not like Pan's Labyrinth. Because The Lord of the Rings means something. It shows human virtue in the face of evil. At its best (and the movie messes up Faramir when it doesn't understand this point), it shows that seizing ultimate power (the Ring) eats you up and spits you out. It shows a Christian understanding of stewardship over nature (why do you think the Ents join the good guys instead of joining Saruman?) And ultimately it comes to a satisfying conclusion. Bad guys get their comeuppance, good guys get their just desserts. The old, whose time is passing, are escorted off to Paradise.
Pan's Labyrinth couldn't muster any of this. Instead, it ends in a pile of corpses. How should I feel about this display of special effects movie blood? I shrug and I'll have forgotten the movie tomorrow.
I saw Pan's Labyrinth for the second time last night. Before we put it on, I commented that I didn't think it was a very good movie. Immediately, I got slammed with all 10 people in the room telling me what a great movie it was. The phrases "artistic masterpiece" and "best movie ever" were actually used.
Having seen it again, I repeat my impression of the movie: a shrug and and "ehh." I didn't hate it. I just didn't particularly like it. To me, it didn't mean anything. A lot of stuff happened, but why? For what purpose? What should I take away from this movie?
Everyone asked how I could like Lord of the Rings and not like Pan's Labyrinth. Because The Lord of the Rings means something. It shows human virtue in the face of evil. At its best (and the movie messes up Faramir when it doesn't understand this point), it shows that seizing ultimate power (the Ring) eats you up and spits you out. It shows a Christian understanding of stewardship over nature (why do you think the Ents join the good guys instead of joining Saruman?) And ultimately it comes to a satisfying conclusion. Bad guys get their comeuppance, good guys get their just desserts. The old, whose time is passing, are escorted off to Paradise.
Pan's Labyrinth couldn't muster any of this. Instead, it ends in a pile of corpses. How should I feel about this display of special effects movie blood? I shrug and I'll have forgotten the movie tomorrow.
I Sometimes Tell People I Have the Memory Span of a Goldfish
Apparently, that's insulting toward goldfish.
Political Polytheism?
By now, I'm sure we all know that Barack Obama is the Messiah.
But how many of us are aware that Hillary Clinton is too? According to James Carville, Gov. Bill Richardson is guilty of selling the Clintons out for thirty pieces of silver.
Apparently, Richardson doesn't set his sights high enough. Silver is currently hovering around $17 an ounce, while gold is pushing a grand.
But I digress (that's what I do). What's really important is that we find out who the real Messiah is, and pronto. When he/she comes back and we're worshipping the wrong Messiah, there's going to be hell to pay (literally, heh. Rimshot.).
Here are some options:
John McCain - He actually got tortured. Also, he's the one in the race who is most likely to respond to the name "Ancient of Days."
Ron Paul - The "John Dear, SJ Jesus." Came to overthrow the power of Caesar, got whacked by his own people.
Steve Adams - I don't even know who he is:
But how many of us are aware that Hillary Clinton is too? According to James Carville, Gov. Bill Richardson is guilty of selling the Clintons out for thirty pieces of silver.
Apparently, Richardson doesn't set his sights high enough. Silver is currently hovering around $17 an ounce, while gold is pushing a grand.
But I digress (that's what I do). What's really important is that we find out who the real Messiah is, and pronto. When he/she comes back and we're worshipping the wrong Messiah, there's going to be hell to pay (literally, heh. Rimshot.).
Here are some options:
John McCain - He actually got tortured. Also, he's the one in the race who is most likely to respond to the name "Ancient of Days."
Ron Paul - The "John Dear, SJ Jesus." Came to overthrow the power of Caesar, got whacked by his own people.
Steve Adams - I don't even know who he is:
Mike is Hitting it Big
A couple of months ago, I broke the story of Mike Mangione to the world of blogs. Catching up with the trend, the widely-read Catholic blog American Papist has a profile of Mike and the band.
Go check it out, the coverage is extremely complimentary. There's even some video of the show.
Update: Buy his new CD Tenebrae
Spirituality in the Bathroom
I was thinking the other day about a situation that came up with a friend and I a couple of years ago. A friend of mine goes to a Franciscan school and I go to a Jesuit school. When we were both assigned to clean bathrooms as a part of the service team on a retreat, the following situation arose:
There was a stall where someone kept locking it from the inside and then getting out somehow, leaving the stall locked. My friend and I both encountered this stall, but we didn't compare notes about it until later. My friend got into the stall by getting on the floor and crawling under the door. Once inside, he cleaned the toilet, unlocked the door and left. When it was my turn to clean that stall, I twisted the piece of metal on the outside of the door that connects to the inside lock handle. The door opened. I cleaned the toilet.
I think that, in a nutshell, illustrates the difference between Jesuit and Franciscan spirituality.
There was a stall where someone kept locking it from the inside and then getting out somehow, leaving the stall locked. My friend and I both encountered this stall, but we didn't compare notes about it until later. My friend got into the stall by getting on the floor and crawling under the door. Once inside, he cleaned the toilet, unlocked the door and left. When it was my turn to clean that stall, I twisted the piece of metal on the outside of the door that connects to the inside lock handle. The door opened. I cleaned the toilet.
I think that, in a nutshell, illustrates the difference between Jesuit and Franciscan spirituality.
Alex Trebek: Invincible?
Judge for yourself:
Source: Wikipedia
On Friday, January 30, 2004, Trebek escaped major injury after falling asleep behind the wheel of his pickup truck while driving alone on a rural road in the Central Coast town of Templeton, California, returning from a family home in Lake Nacimiento. The truck sideswiped a string of mailboxes, flew 45 feet over an embankment, and came to rest against a utility pole in a ditch. Trebek was not cited for the accident and returned to work taping Jeopardy! the following Tuesday.and
On December 11, 2007, Trebek was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after suffering a minor heart attack in his home. He was released on December 15, 2007. Trebek returned to the production of Jeopardy! as scheduled on January 14, 2008 to tape the Teen Tournament.AND
In late 2001, during Jeopardy!'s 18th season, Trebek shaved the mustache that he had worn for over 30 years.Now I don't want to jump to conclusions, but he might be immortal.
Source: Wikipedia
Public Service Announcement
Hi everyone, I'm here today to talk about a very important and rather baffling public health issue. Yes, I think you know what I mean: sidewalk underwear.
As I am walking down the sidewalk looking at my feet like all good introverts do, with disturbing frequency I see an item of underwear lying there on the ground. Why is that?
My faithful public, this is Milwaukee! It's February. The temperature never cracked double digits yesterday. There is no reason to need to remove your undergarments. Anything you don't keep covered is in serious risk of frostbite.
And besides that, there is no good reason to place your removed undergarments on the sidewalk. There are trashcans at frequent intervals throughout the city. You may safely and confidentially dispose of your used underwear in any of those recepticals. Think of them as your very own publicly funded laundry hampers, assuming you never want to see your laundry again.
Ladies and gentlemen, I urge you to take a stand against sidewalk underwear this winter! Neither Barack Obama nor Hillary Clinton addressed this issue while they were in town. Don't allow them to "skirt" the issue. We must get to the "bottom" of this!
As I am walking down the sidewalk looking at my feet like all good introverts do, with disturbing frequency I see an item of underwear lying there on the ground. Why is that?
My faithful public, this is Milwaukee! It's February. The temperature never cracked double digits yesterday. There is no reason to need to remove your undergarments. Anything you don't keep covered is in serious risk of frostbite.
And besides that, there is no good reason to place your removed undergarments on the sidewalk. There are trashcans at frequent intervals throughout the city. You may safely and confidentially dispose of your used underwear in any of those recepticals. Think of them as your very own publicly funded laundry hampers, assuming you never want to see your laundry again.
Ladies and gentlemen, I urge you to take a stand against sidewalk underwear this winter! Neither Barack Obama nor Hillary Clinton addressed this issue while they were in town. Don't allow them to "skirt" the issue. We must get to the "bottom" of this!
Dietary Update
What I ate yesterday:
I'm doing ok, considering.
- Cinnamon Toast Crunch
- Bacon and Beans
- Banana
- Yogurt
- Peanut butter sandwich
- Chips Ahoy
- Leftover Hamburger Helper
I'm doing ok, considering.
Haikus
Today in Theology 135 (Theology of the Early Church) we learned about the history of Judaism. This is remarkable similar to what we learned yesterday in Theo 184 (Judaism). So I wrote haikus instead.
Oh great destructionSomewhat more flippantly, I also came up with this:
The Holy of Holies burned
One wall left standing.
How they weep and wail
Rebecca, hear your children!
Can God be with us?
Where will He live now?
What tabernacle could hold
Blazing shekinah?
God becomes content
—His glory in disguise—
To dwell in our guts
Nice coincidenceAnd:
Babylonian exile
Has good syllables
Let's all write haiku
And soon enough discover
Who here can count
For the Sake of the Fish
I love NPR. They always have reports about weird little issues that you would never hear about anywhere else.I was listening to the radio today and they had a long, straight-faced report about the plight of the delta smelt. They probably didn't care all that much about the issue itself (although it was interesting). Mostly, it seemed they just wanted to see how many times they could say "delta smelt" in a single report and still be taken seriously (I think it must have been about 30).
In the end, though, I was disappointed that they finished up with out any "you smelta, you delta" jokes.
More Fred Thompson
Regardless of whether he would be a good president, he's fun to watch.
And who's the loser to his left that tentatively chimes in "I'm with him" after the point has already been made?
And who's the loser to his left that tentatively chimes in "I'm with him" after the point has already been made?
How I Became An Internet Source
I edited a page on Wikipedia for the first time today! I know, I know, I'm 3 years behind the times on that. But I'm now a part of the world's knowledge of Maximilian Kolbe. Sure, if you click the "History" tab above that story, you'll see that IP address 134.48.241.55 only claims to have "[c]leaned up a run-on sentence and informal language in the paragraph about Kolbe's parents"--but that cleaner, more streamlined sentence is now going to make it that much easier for people to learn about St. Kolbe.
I think I've done my duty to society today. No need to finish writing that Kolbe paper.
I think I've done my duty to society today. No need to finish writing that Kolbe paper.
When Autumn Comes With Leaves Last Breath
It's finally starting to feel like fall here in Milwaukee. Up until last week, it was still in the 60's. I couldn't really get into the feel of fall.
When fall comes, I find that my taste in music changes. During the summer, I listen to a lot of upbeat, fun music. Classic rock, Dave Matthews Band, OAR, things like that. But as soon as it starts to feel like fall, I'm just not as interested. Suddenly, I find myself listening to more mellow acoustic music.
And that brings me to a great band that you are missing out on if you're not listening to: Mike Mangione and the Band. Not only is he a great musician backed by a group of great musicians, he's also little known (right now). When he hits it big, you can talk about how you were listening to him way back in the day. "Before he went commercial," I assume you'll add because you music snobs are all like that.
If you live in the Milwaukee area, he's got a show at Linnemans Bar on December 14th.
Just so you know...
I write at a high school reading level! Apparently, articles about pirates, boogers and robot marriage are just what the Gunning-Fog index* is looking for.
EDIT: Apparently, my rating changed overnight. When I tried it again I found that I'm only junior high now.
*I think The Gunning Fog would be an excellent superhero.
Public Service Announcement
Be careful how you handle other people's truffles.
Source: The Independent
"This was an extraordinary act of truffle-squishing. We can only guess at what provoked it," said a Hotel Chocolat spokesman
Source: The Independent
It's that 90% of Computer Scientists Who Make the Other 10% Of Us Look Like Nerds
I drove past a firehouse today with a couple of engineer friends and we discussed how unfair life is for engineers and computer scientists like us. For some reason, women go crazy for firemen, but "I'm a computer programmer" is not an effective pickup line. Why is that the case?Well, I came home and, to my dismay, found out exactly why. An artificial intelligence researcher in the Netherlands just published a thesis entitled "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners." I'm not making this up. It's about the possibility of humans marrying artificially intelligent robots.
Doesn't this guy realize that he is just setting us back even further? Or do he and his robo-wife not care about the rest of us?
Further Clarification
There has been some confusion, so I am here to set the record straight. Pope Awesomus I is entirely distinct from Brad Ausmus. Admittedly, Pope Awesomus I did not go to Dartmouth or play 14 major league seasons. However, Brad Ausmus has an OPS of .666 against left handed pitchers. This is a sure sign that he is not a true leader of the Church. Don't be deceived.
Oh, And By the Way...
If you don't believe that any old dork can declare himself Pope, you've clearly never heard of Pope Micheal.
You might want to especially check out this page and this page.
"Roma locuta est. Causa finita est." Thou shalt "Paste text here"!
You Can't Excommunicate Me, I'm Baptized!*
I haven't told too many people this yet, but I'm starting my own Church. I am calling myself Pope Awesomus I, but I still haven't decided on the a name for the Church itself. I'm open to suggestions in the comments.
Riad is my first Cardinal, but if any of you would like to become a Cardinal (or hold a position on one my Congregations) let me know. So far, I'm still holding out for Tommy to be the head of the Congregation for the Promulgation of the Pizza. Any others are open.
Don't worry, I'm not actually planning on permanently leaving the Catholic Church. I'm just holding out to have my new Church recognized as a rite. I will gladly reduce my position to Patriarch Awesomus I once the Pope recognizes us. Until the Liturgy of Awesomus can be completed, we will be using the Liturgy of John Chrysostom (since the church offering it is less than 2 blocks from where I live). But I will not forbid my followers to go to Novus Ordo, Tridentine, Divine Liturgy of St. James, the Divine Liturgy of St. Mark or the Divine Liturgy of St. Basil either. But I will not allow liturgical dancing under any circumstances.
*In case any of you were worried about my eternal soul, don't be. I have recently learned that schismatics are still totally ok. A learned schismatic canon lawyer has informed me that baptism makes you totally immune to all that nasty excommunication stuff that Rome is always all up in our grill about.
Riad is my first Cardinal, but if any of you would like to become a Cardinal (or hold a position on one my Congregations) let me know. So far, I'm still holding out for Tommy to be the head of the Congregation for the Promulgation of the Pizza. Any others are open.
Don't worry, I'm not actually planning on permanently leaving the Catholic Church. I'm just holding out to have my new Church recognized as a rite. I will gladly reduce my position to Patriarch Awesomus I once the Pope recognizes us. Until the Liturgy of Awesomus can be completed, we will be using the Liturgy of John Chrysostom (since the church offering it is less than 2 blocks from where I live). But I will not forbid my followers to go to Novus Ordo, Tridentine, Divine Liturgy of St. James, the Divine Liturgy of St. Mark or the Divine Liturgy of St. Basil either. But I will not allow liturgical dancing under any circumstances.
*In case any of you were worried about my eternal soul, don't be. I have recently learned that schismatics are still totally ok. A learned schismatic canon lawyer has informed me that baptism makes you totally immune to all that nasty excommunication stuff that Rome is always all up in our grill about.
200 Proof Excellence
I was just reading my friend Tommy's blog when I realized how good one of his old articles is. A girl wrote a trying-to-be-edgy Viewpoint in the Marquette Tribune about how it's a shame that a Catholic school does not provide students with contraception.
Tommy and I refused to be outdone. If someone out there is lowering the level of discourse, we can always go lower. Don't even try.
What we came up with was this. Booger jokes? Yeah, we went there.
Thrilling, compelling stuff. If you don't believe this could possibly get published in a serious journalistic publication, you're right.
Edit: It appears that the Tribune site doesn't have the entirety of the Cura Vaginalis article. You can find the full text and a good commentary on the whole event here.
Tommy and I refused to be outdone. If someone out there is lowering the level of discourse, we can always go lower. Don't even try.
What we came up with was this. Booger jokes? Yeah, we went there.
Marquette students have boogers. There, I said it. We all get them. What do we do with them? Some scratch them. Others pick them discreetly with Kleenex. Still others brazenly dive in wrist-deep. I am one of those who dive right in.
Thrilling, compelling stuff. If you don't believe this could possibly get published in a serious journalistic publication, you're right.
Edit: It appears that the Tribune site doesn't have the entirety of the Cura Vaginalis article. You can find the full text and a good commentary on the whole event here.
I'm Just Here to Remind You I'm Not Dead
Sorry, no new material from me today. But if you'd like a good laugh, you can check out Dr. McAdams' new conspiracy theory, in which I am inexplicably named despite having no official position within Catholic Outreach.
Or, if you're looking for something that's intentionally humorous, you could do worse than checking out Tommy's latest post on what will hopefully become a continuously updated series.
All right, I'm out. Enjoy the next indefinite period of time until I get back to blogging again!
Or, if you're looking for something that's intentionally humorous, you could do worse than checking out Tommy's latest post on what will hopefully become a continuously updated series.
All right, I'm out. Enjoy the next indefinite period of time until I get back to blogging again!
Recently Found on Facebook
Can you guess which of these pictures shows the lead singer of Pearl Jam?
I'm Pretty Proud of This
I took a political test today. My placement didn't mean much when it looked like this:
But then I clicked on the button to show how you relate to famous people:
I kinda like that.
Also, what on earth is Adam Sandler's political affiliation? And who's the buggy eyed guy on the top in the middle?
But then I clicked on the button to show how you relate to famous people:
I kinda like that.
Also, what on earth is Adam Sandler's political affiliation? And who's the buggy eyed guy on the top in the middle?
Theology of the Pizza
Hopefully this will inspire Tommy to give me his full Theology of the Pizza dissertation. We'll see how it goes.
For a better view, click here
Francis Moehn 1916-2007
My grandfather passed away in December, just short of his 91st birthday. I should have posted about him then because he was an incredible man. I'll have to make it up now.As a child, he caught polio and was forced into quarantine for six weeks. The only person he was allowed to be in the same room with was the nun who took care of him. He survived, but his knees were never strong again. It was largely because of these leg problems that he was rejected from the Army after he was drafted for World War II. Oddly, if it weren't for polio, my mom, seven aunts and uncles and twenty-some cousins and I might not be here today.
As an young man, he took on a job that should naturally be left to German-Irish Catholics: he opened a bar. He and his wife worked together at the bar. They also single-handedly (double-handedly, really) built the house that they lived in for nearly 60 years. They settled there to raise eight children born over the course of twenty five years.
When the bar business went bad, he became a mail man. He worked at the post office for nearly thirty years until his retirement. In retirement he attended daily Mass and worked on his baby, a 1910-era Ford Model T.
This is how I remember my grandfather Francis Moehn. Although I will have fun with his collection of stuff in the next post, he meant a lot more than that. More than stuff, I'll still have those memories of Eggo waffles and Uno games and scrambled fairy tales (to this day, I really don't know whether he was joking or confused about those).
A Presidential Candidate I Can Support
Fred Thompson
I also unearthed secret evidence of a plot to make him even more awesome.
Why yes, it is finals week. Why do you ask?
I also unearthed secret evidence of a plot to make him even more awesome.
Why yes, it is finals week. Why do you ask?
My Pet Peeve of the Day
Today's post is brought to you by the letters A, B, C and D and the numbers 0 through 2007.
Maybe I'm alone on this, but I can't stand it when people mark dates by the eras of CE and BCE. Common Era and Before Common Era? What's so common about the last 2007 years? Why should the 4.6 billion years that the earth existed before then not be considered common?
There is no good reason for it.
Maybe I'm alone on this, but I can't stand it when people mark dates by the eras of CE and BCE. Common Era and Before Common Era? What's so common about the last 2007 years? Why should the 4.6 billion years that the earth existed before then not be considered common?
There is no good reason for it.
We, the People of the Jury, Have Reached a Verdict
McDonald's on the corner of 25th and Wisconsin, you have been convicted of five counts of not giving a crap.Count 1: For having an employee leaning against the counter doing nothing while 3 people waited in line at the one open register.
Count 2: For barking "Hold on!" with annoyance to a customer trying to order through the drive-through.*
Count 3: For looking generally displeased that customers are interrupting your day by trying to order food.
Count 4: For giving me a dollar-bill in change for a charge of $4.01, rather than counting out the change.**
Count 5: For allowing the employee leaning against the counter to cut in front of customers in line and announce "I'm ordering now."
Counts 1-4 are misdemeanors which carry a penalty of 10-20 hours of customer service for each count. Count 5 is a felony count of reckless disregard for human decency. It carries a penalty of one hour of me muttering under my breath to be consecutively followed by an angry blog posting.
Bailiff, take them away.
*Note: One charge of spelling "drive-through" as "drive-thru" has been dropped because responsibility for that ultimately rests on the corporation of McDonalds as a whole.
**Note: Normally this offense would be let off with a warning, but the defendants lack of giving a crap in other areas has led to this charge being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Dubious Honors
I discovered while perusing Google Analytics that I am the top Google hit for the phrase "this can't be wrong when it feels so right" (without the quote marks). I'm also the top hit for the phrase "poor decision." Those are both pretty accurate descriptions for my blog, I think.
On the weirder side, I got a hit from the phrase "vanna white toothbrush." I don't know why anyone would want to search those terms, but if you do you'll find me.
I love Google Analytics.
On the weirder side, I got a hit from the phrase "vanna white toothbrush." I don't know why anyone would want to search those terms, but if you do you'll find me.
I love Google Analytics.
My First Public Service in the New Year!
Happy New Year everybody!
I have a confession to make. When I celebrated the new year, my friends and I just yelled out the tune to Auld Lang Syne without singing any words. Because, honestly, we don't know any of them. So for all you curious folk, here they are:
Traditional Auld Lang Syne (According to Robert Burns)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,
For auld lang syne.
Source
As you can see, it was written as a result of Irishmen drinking too much on New Year's Eve and trying to speak understandable English (which in itself is a difficult enough task for many Irish). But I have to say, whenever I pou the gowans fine, I also feel the urge to drink heavily and write a song about it. So I can't really blame them.
I have a confession to make. When I celebrated the new year, my friends and I just yelled out the tune to Auld Lang Syne without singing any words. Because, honestly, we don't know any of them. So for all you curious folk, here they are:
Traditional Auld Lang Syne (According to Robert Burns)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,
For auld lang syne.
Source
As you can see, it was written as a result of Irishmen drinking too much on New Year's Eve and trying to speak understandable English (which in itself is a difficult enough task for many Irish). But I have to say, whenever I pou the gowans fine, I also feel the urge to drink heavily and write a song about it. So I can't really blame them.
