The Flametroll

Go Ask Alice. . . When She's Ten Feet Tall

I'm in the middle of taking a survey about drug and alcohol use on campus which I was randomly selected for. I think they will also be emailing me a small cup with a lid that I'll have to email back full.

Whoever was writing the survey seems to have been on drugs themselves. Many of the questions that would seem to require the possibility of a "maybe" or "don't know" answer are simple yes/no. For example, the question "Does alcohol make you sexier?" Well, I don't drink so I really don't know. Maybe it would, although I can't imagine a possibility in which I would be more attractive than I already am.

Another "question" in the alcohol section was "doesn't interfere with my life." Now, not only is that not a question, it's not even a sentence. But even more confusingly, the possible choices are "yes" and "no." Yes, alcohol doesn't interfere with my life? No, alcohol doesn't interfere with my life? No, alcohol does interfere with my life? Yes, this survey does interfere with my sanity?

In conclusion, be like this guy and don't do drugs.

Carpenter Rocks

And rattles too. I can feel it shaking under my feet right now. Probably from the construction nearby, but I'm still on the line with FEMA about earthquake preparations. You never can be too ~~paranoid~~ safe. And while we're at it, I think I'm going to get my bird-flu shot.

My Life Philosophy

People often approach me on the street and ask "Aaron, do you have a philosophy in life?"

"Of course I do," I tell them as I scramble to think of something clever. "Life is like a. . . pudding bowl. Yeah, umm. . .where the cruddy stuff forms on the top. So. . . uhhh. . .dig deep and feast upon the good stuff," I lie.

Well now I don't have to lie anymore. I've decided on a life philosophy. And all thanks to Dilbert.

I don't even have to work to accomodate my life to this new philosophy. I've been doing this all along.

A Humbling Experience

Those pesky comment-spamming programs are affecting people all over the internet. In fact, one of the blogs this site links to, We Are Marquette, just had to do the same thing. I've always had my suspicions, but leaving posts about exactly the same thing just days apart has proven once and for all that Caruso is a lot funnier than me.

It Would Be Blackmail Material, But He's Not Ashamed

Jeff, my RA is preparing early for Halloween. He hit the jackpot with a visit to the thrift store.

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Comment

I'm sorry for the added inconvenience of commenting. I was resisting for a while, but I finally gave in and enabled the word verification option on my blog. The reason I had to do this was because of all the spam comments I'm getting. I'm not sure what my best defense is against this. If anyone knows a better way than to use word verification, please take the time and effort to comment it to me.

Do or Dilate

I had an eye appointment today. As a part of the checkup, the doctor (or optometrist or whatever) put these drops in my eye to numb them and dilate the pupils. The effect set in after about 15 minutes and I passed all the glaucoma, cataract, diabetes, etc. tests with flying colors.

The problem was that now I was going to be set loose into the sunlight with pupils incapable of contracting. Fortunately, the doctor was prepared. She handed me a pair of ROLLENS sunglasses. They were extremely stylish and fun (as the pictures on their website might suggest). They also made me looke like a Robocop-inspired reincarnation of Ray Charles.

Fortunately, I ran into a street vendor in a white pimp suit selling sunglasses for $2-5. I went for some top-of-the-line aviators. I'm sure I don't say this enough, but I'm awesome.

Actually There Are 165A0DC00 People. . .

There are 10 kinds of people in this world. . .those who know binary and those who don't.

Compliments of Ryan.

At Least Dolphins Don't Make Me Cry

My roommate walked in on me yesterday while I was putting away laundry and singing to Hootie and the Blowfish.

Me: I don't know why, but I've just been in the mood for Hootie.
Mike: It's so wrong, but it feels so right.

Look Out, Dial-up Users

It stormed last night. We didn't get hit with much rain (compared to what the radar was showing) but it lightninged for almost two hours. Here are a couple of strikes that I managed to get on (digital) film.

I got video too.

Some of my roommate's pictures.

It's really hazy today.

Photos 1, 2 and 6 and video ©Aaron Morey 2005
Photos 3, 4 and 5 © Michael Sharkey 2005

Not As Bad As People Say!

Those glowing words of praise on IMDB.com describe the movie I'm watching right now: Demolition Man.

The idea is that Sylvester Stallone is cryogenically frozen, then brought back to fight the escaped prisoner Wesley Snipes.

Some of the highlights came from the action movie banter in the first futuristic fight scene. Snipe's character, Simon Phoenix, (who, coincidentally, rises from the dead!) yells as he shoots at Stallone "Simon says bleed!" When he recognizes Stallone as his old archenemy, he quips "Man, they'll let anybody into this century." Stallone retaliates, saying "You're on TV!" as he swings a television by the cord, striking Snipes in the face.

On another note, the president of this futuristic Los Angeles dressed like a cross between Hamid Karzai and the Pope.

EDIT: Stallone just used the phrase "hunka chunka."

Everybody Thinks I'm Up to No Good

After my brush with the FBI's Book Brigade, I'm apparently on some kind of federal watch list. I signed up for an Apple Developer Connection account today, because I wanted to download Apple's Java development stuff for free. It's a pretty good deal, I think. I found this in the Membership Agreement fine print:

You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes where prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missile, chemical or biological weapons.

Don't look at me, I'm still trying to pass Computer Science 065.

Copy and Paste Makes Blogging Easy

I was reading IMDB.com today and I came across the entry for Shallow Hal. There was nothing special in particular about the entry except for this user posted comment:

[T]he film reinforces the same notions of beauty that it claims it is trying to undermine. Also, all fat people are not nice with a "good sense of humour", this is as HUGE stereotype. I am fat, unpleasant and not funny.

Source.

Ketchup Trousers?

Don't you love how British people speak?

From: Amner, Jenny
Sent: 03 June 2005 10:25
To: Phillips, Richard
Cc: *LON - ALL USERS 3RD FLOOR
Subject: RE: Ketchup trousers

With reference to the email below, I must apologise for not getting back to you straight away but due to my mother's sudden illness, death and funeral I have had more pressing issues than your £4.

I apologise again for accidentally getting a few splashes of ketchup on your trousers. Obviously your financial need as a senior associate is greater than mine as a mere secretary. Having already spoken to and shown your email and Anne-Marie's note to various partners, lawyers and trainees in ECC&T and IP/IT, they kindly offered to do a collection to raise the £4. I however declined their kind offer but should you feel the urgent need for the £4, it will be on my desk this afternoon.

Jenny

-----Original Message-----

From: Phillips, Richard
Sent: 25 May 2005 15:27
To: Amner, Jenny
Subject: Ketchup trousers

Hi Jenny

I went to a dry cleaners at lunch and they said it would cost £4 to remove the ketchup stains. If you cd let me have the cash today, that wd be much appreciated.

Thanks

Richard

Richard Phillips
Senior Associate
Commercial Department
Baker & McKenzie
100 New Bridge Street
London EC4V 6JA

Note also the use of the phrase "email row" later in the article.
Thank you, Snopes.com

The Greatest Thing Ever

The Perry Bible Fellowship

Should Have Been More Discreet?

I am apparently a part of a massive math book smuggling scam. In order to save $40, I returned the book I bought at my campus bookstore. Instead, I bought a book from Amazon.com. What the seller didn't tell me was that I had ordered the "International Edition." When the book came in, I realized the difference but I didn't worry too much about it. All of the problems and examples were the same. What was the difference?

Well, I still don't know what the difference is but I did find this label:

I'm hoping "the man" isn't reading my blog because I could be in trouble for some reason. And while he's searching my room he'll see that I removed the tag from my mattress.

Pusto Fan Club

Dr. John Pustejovsky (Dr. Pusto for short) of the German Department (if there is one here) is my favorite professor I've ever had at Marquette (out of a dozen or so)(Yeah parentheses!). When I had a problem with getting a tested-out-of German class put onto my transcript, he helped me out. He taught me more German in one semester than I had learned in two years of high school. He is so cool he even has a page of the Marquette website in his honor. So needless to say, I have a lot of respect for him.

If it's even possible, I just gained more respect for him today. I walked into the Eucharistic chapel at the AMU and found him there, praying a rosary. Turns out he's not only a great teacher, an intelligent man, a nice guy and extremely helpful, but also a devout Catholic. I also hear that he's working on disarming Iran's nuclear program and single-handedly guarding every inch of our nation's borders. Those could just be rumors, but I'm not prepared to dismiss them without further investigation.

More Milwaukee Skyline

Crass Glass Avarice

I noticed as I was buying lunch today that our local George Webb is running a scam.

I had stopped in to buy some chicken strips after I missed lunch today. They took my order, I paid and I sat down to wait for the strips to come. On a shelf at the side of the store were George Webb products--glass tumblers, metal thermos mugs and water bottles.

The tumblers (not bad looking glasses) go for $4.95. Not unreasonable at all. I'm sure you wouuld get some quality drinkage from them and they appear to hold a generous amount of your beverage of choice. The problem is in the bulk packaging. The $4.95 glasses also can be purchased in a package of four (all the same glass, same logo, etc.) for "only" $19.95. In other words, to buy four of them gets you a price hike of $.15.

Not much of a scam, I guess, but it's a problem. We as consumers expect to save money by buying more of stuff. That's the whole point of Sam's Club, right? If the government doesn't mandate that more stuff should cost less, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and not buy those tumblers. Or maybe buy them one at a time on four seperate visits.