He's Still Posting?!?

Sorry, I know I've been filling up your RSS feeds lately. But I keep getting interesting spam, so what do you want me to do?

When I saw this one, I was so amused by the Gmail "preview" sentence, that I just had to open it (after checking for attachments of course).

Hi Friend,

I am Melissa Agnes Able, 25 yrs old girl in search of a man who understands love as trust and faith rather seeing it as a way of fun always but a matured man with sense of humour. I’m interested in having a relationship with you and I want to know more about you, let see if we can share common interest together.

I think we should be friends and get acquainted, cause you seem pretty fun, and cute! (It’s ever so hard to tell in this digital world :) anyway, I want to get a response from you...Then maybe we could chat sometime! You know what they say, appearance wins over the eyes, but personality wins over the heart...haha.

I believe we can start from here; if you don’t mind you can email me back with brief introduction of your self and I shall tell you more details that you will like to know about me including pictures of me so you can see how beautiful I am. Enjoy your beautiful day, talk to you very soon.

Cheers,

Melissa
[Ed: yes, it really was in Comic Sans]

A "matured[sic] man with sense of humour"? You clearly haven't been reading my blog, Melissa.

I don't think I've ever had a relationship start with "I think we should be friends." I guess we can get the define-the-relationship and the breakup talks over all on the same day. That will certainly save some time.


Also, she thinks I'm cute. This is my Gmail user picture: Lots of descriptions come to mind: serious, studious, pompous, self-absorbed, sepia-tinted. I'm sure you can think of plenty more; feel free to put them in the comments so I can keep my raging ego in check.

"You know what they say, appearance wins over the eyes, but personality wins over the heart...haha." Actually I've never heard anyone say that, but I can overlook your awkward over-long made-up proverb because you actually spelled out "haha." I appreciate good onomatopoeic email laughter. Thank you for not LOLing.

In fact, having passed that hurdle the only thing standing between you and this sepia-tinted hunk is that you agree to the Scrabble/President naming rules for my children. In fact I was just discussing those rules with Bobby the other day. I think laying down the rules for naming your hypothetical progeny is a great conversation starter for a first date. "The best part" Bobby said "is that they'll all be first dates."

So anyway, Melissa, I hope we can keep in contact. I should tell you that I'm filthy rich in Nigeria. If you don't mind sending me your bank account numbers, I can get that money into the United States and leave you a healthy share of it. Please do be keeping correspondance in order for ease of transferring appreciated!