Working with international contractors has taught me a lot of things. For instance I've learned several English words that I don't think of as related are more similar than English speakers might think.
The morning of our epic USA vs India softball game, I had a discussion with the captain of Team India about what equipment we would be using. The conversation went something like this:
Captain: What other equipment do we need?
Me: You don't absolutely need to but I'm going to wear cleats.
Other contractor overhearing the conversation: [shocked look] What? Why?
Me: They're better for running.
Captain and me: Conversation continues...
OCOTC: [Sudden look of comprehension] Oh! I thought you meant kilts.
Also "pecan" and "bacon" are not related. Even vegetarians can eat pecans.
I can neither confirm nor deny at this time whether kilts are better for running.
Going Thought Blind
Ahem. Well, then. I think we all learned an important lesson about late night drinking and blogging, didn't we? Let's just move on then.
Have you ever gone thought-blind? I've noticed this phenomenon before, but I only put a name to it recently. It happens when you're so lost in thought that you lose track of what you're physically doing. One time while I was really concentrating at work, I got up and went to the bathroom. Suddenly I snapped back to self-awareness and had a moment of panic as I realized I HAD MY PANTS DOWN AT WORK!
Another time, I actually tried to carry on a conversation. I went to buy a drink and the conversation with the girl at the register went something like this:
Register Girl: Hi
Me: Hi, how are you?
RG: I'm fine.
Me [anticipating "and you?"]: Good, thanks.
So I guess the question is, have you ever gone thought-stupid?
Have you ever gone thought-blind? I've noticed this phenomenon before, but I only put a name to it recently. It happens when you're so lost in thought that you lose track of what you're physically doing. One time while I was really concentrating at work, I got up and went to the bathroom. Suddenly I snapped back to self-awareness and had a moment of panic as I realized I HAD MY PANTS DOWN AT WORK!
Another time, I actually tried to carry on a conversation. I went to buy a drink and the conversation with the girl at the register went something like this:
Register Girl: Hi
Me: Hi, how are you?
RG: I'm fine.
Me [anticipating "and you?"]: Good, thanks.
So I guess the question is, have you ever gone thought-stupid?
Like Who?
I write like
David Foster Wallace
David Foster Wallace
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
That's what iwl.me says anyway. Also, my mom says I'm a very special and talented boy, but that's probably mostly because she doesn't know about this blog.
Wedding Season!
I love pretty much everything about weddings. Free meals. Open bars. Dressing like James Bond. The only time it makes sense to listen to "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. I don't think I need to enumerate all the reasons to you because if you're reading this, odds are that you have been at all the same weddings as I have anyway.
Here's the weird thing about wedding season. The sheer number of friends or passing-acquaintances-who-you-see-at-events-like-weddings who ask you (and by "you" I mean "me," but probably "you" too) "So, are you dating anyone?" then give you this funny look like they're wondering why you, America's Most Eligible /Bachelor(ette)*$/, are still single† ‡. Sorry to disappoint all my married (or seminary-attending) friends (or passing-acquaintances-who-I-see-at-events-like-weddings). As another friend put it, "It's not a disease."¶
† I'd just like to note that I punctuated the hell out of that sentence.
‡Also, that regular expression parses in Ruby. For Unix "grep -e", remove the forward slashes and substitute square brackets for parentheses. For Perl, pound randomly on your keyboard and see what happens. For Java, copy and paste all thirty lines of boilerplate from the first site that shows up in your Google search. For Python, just walk down the hall and ask Guido because you probably already work at Google.
¶ Another footnote? What is this, "The Wasteland?"
Here's the weird thing about wedding season. The sheer number of friends or passing-acquaintances-who-you-see-at-events-like-weddings who ask you (and by "you" I mean "me," but probably "you" too) "So, are you dating anyone?" then give you this funny look like they're wondering why you, America's Most Eligible /Bachelor(ette)*$/, are still single† ‡. Sorry to disappoint all my married (or seminary-attending) friends (or passing-acquaintances-who-I-see-at-events-like-weddings). As another friend put it, "It's not a disease."¶
† I'd just like to note that I punctuated the hell out of that sentence.
‡Also, that regular expression parses in Ruby. For Unix "grep -e", remove the forward slashes and substitute square brackets for parentheses. For Perl, pound randomly on your keyboard and see what happens. For Java, copy and paste all thirty lines of boilerplate from the first site that shows up in your Google search. For Python, just walk down the hall and ask Guido because you probably already work at Google.
¶ Another footnote? What is this, "The Wasteland?"
Rollin' With Ballmer's Posse
Microsoft has literally become that rich kid from high school that no one wants to be friends with: using money to make people "like" them.
Spoiler Alert!
An overview of the travel/time travel on Lost:
Click for full size
Also, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.
Click for full size
Also, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.
Judging By the Commercials...
..the key demographic for The Office on CW18 at 10:30pm is people who might buy an Audi and people who need lawyers.
Have I become a Goldman Sachs executive?!
Have I become a Goldman Sachs executive?!
Hypocrisy, Deception, or Feigned Ignorance*
I was talking to a friend today about a wedding he's going to this weekend. It was originally planned to be outdoors but the wedding planner convinced the bride to move indoors because it was likely to rain on her wedding day.
"That's ironic" I said.
Either no one got it or no one thought it was funny (presumably the latter) because there was no reaction. Which is alright for everyone else because they aren't the ones with the song running through their head the rest of the afternoon.
It's like ray-ee-yain... On your wehhh-diiing day!
Ha! You're welcome suckers!
* I rarely need to feign.
"That's ironic" I said.
Either no one got it or no one thought it was funny (presumably the latter) because there was no reaction. Which is alright for everyone else because they aren't the ones with the song running through their head the rest of the afternoon.
It's like ray-ee-yain... On your wehhh-diiing day!
Ha! You're welcome suckers!
* I rarely need to feign.
Have I Ever Said that I Love Ruby?
In just 34 lines of code, I wrote a script to take all of the files in a particular directory, search for the desired filetype and resize those images to a specific maximum size.
Here's a sample method:
Why can't Java make file processing so simple? Why can't I just use Ruby all the time?
Here's a sample method:
def append_before_extension(filepath, append_string)
ext = File.extname(filepath)
base = File.basename(filepath, ext)
return base + append_string + ext
end
Why can't Java make file processing so simple? Why can't I just use Ruby all the time?
I Appreciate the Effort
But do they really need to package a user manual with my cell phone wall charger?
New Policy in Place
I found this above the comment section at the Motley Fool.
I propose that this caveat be adapted for the comment section of all websites. I'll be doing my part!
I propose that this caveat be adapted for the comment section of all websites. I'll be doing my part!
Lent Post
Taco Bell's cheesy bean and rice tortilla almost makes Friday nights in Lent not feel like penance. Fortunately, this being Taco Bell, Saturday morning will often make up for it.
What the Heck Facebook: Part N+π of an M+π Part Series
Speaking of offensive facebook dating ads (Actually, you may not have been, but I was):
Liveblogging the State of the Union
Yes, that last post means exactly what you feared it might mean... I'm liveblogging a political event! I'm dying to see Barney Frank again, but I might be out of "look how drunk he looks!" jokes. But boogers are still on the table. Err, I mean...
Without further ado:
Nancy Pelosi is wearing her beldam hair today:
Obama said: "The most difficult [letters] to read are from children." He didn't add "Their handwriting is terrible."
Obama: "As hard as it may be, as uncomfortable as it may seem..."
Mike: "That's what she said."
So now somebody decides to do something about student loans. What about recent graduates?
In solidarity with the victims of childhood obesity, Michelle Obama refused to stand up or move in any way.
Obama: "No bills should be obstructed by a single political party."
Me: "Ahem! Not that I'm talking to anyone in particular. *Cough*Republicans*Cough*"
Obama (sounding defensive): "I'm talking to both parties here!"
So, uhh, that was it. I'm a little disappointed myself, and I didn't even waste the last minute and a half of my life reading this blog. Sucker!
Without further ado:
Nancy Pelosi is wearing her beldam hair today:
Obama said: "The most difficult [letters] to read are from children." He didn't add "Their handwriting is terrible."
Obama: "As hard as it may be, as uncomfortable as it may seem..."
Mike: "That's what she said."
So now somebody decides to do something about student loans. What about recent graduates?
In solidarity with the victims of childhood obesity, Michelle Obama refused to stand up or move in any way.
Obama: "No bills should be obstructed by a single political party."
Me: "Ahem! Not that I'm talking to anyone in particular. *Cough*Republicans*Cough*"
Obama (sounding defensive): "I'm talking to both parties here!"
So, uhh, that was it. I'm a little disappointed myself, and I didn't even waste the last minute and a half of my life reading this blog. Sucker!
Obama's State of the Union Shocker
"Due to low poll ratings, Jay Leno will be taking over as president."
"Bear Grylls doesn't show you how to stay alive.."
"...he shows you how to be alive"
Translation: Bear Grylls shows you how to nearly kill yourself on a weekly basis.
Translation: Bear Grylls shows you how to nearly kill yourself on a weekly basis.
People on the Bus Part I: Rockstar
Now that I ride the bus everyday, I encounter all kinds of people I wouldn't normally run into. And since I take the same bus every morning and evening I recognize them, like the supporting characters in the critically acclaimed, low ratings sitcom of my daily life. I've been meaning to document them here for the enjoyment of all, but I kept forgetting...until today.
Character #1 is a guy I call Rockstar. He got the name because he looks like how I imagine David Cook will look in about 10 years. Long brown hair, goatee, Bono jacket with more straps and zippers than are actually practical.
Anyway, today he went so far over the top that I remembered I had been meaning to blog about him. He was wearing a fur-lined, ear-flapped, Russian Comrade hat. And it was big. I realize that all furry ear-flap hats are big, but this was huge. Ludicrously big. Burt-Reynold's-cowboy-hat big.
Sorry, Rockstar. For the winter, you shall be known as Turd Ferguson.
For the record, that furry hat picture comes courtesy of bigfurhats.com. Some people really know how to nail their target market with a domain name and I applaud them.
Character #1 is a guy I call Rockstar. He got the name because he looks like how I imagine David Cook will look in about 10 years. Long brown hair, goatee, Bono jacket with more straps and zippers than are actually practical.
Anyway, today he went so far over the top that I remembered I had been meaning to blog about him. He was wearing a fur-lined, ear-flapped, Russian Comrade hat. And it was big. I realize that all furry ear-flap hats are big, but this was huge. Ludicrously big. Burt-Reynold's-cowboy-hat big.
Sorry, Rockstar. For the winter, you shall be known as Turd Ferguson.
For the record, that furry hat picture comes courtesy of bigfurhats.com. Some people really know how to nail their target market with a domain name and I applaud them.
I Finally Figured It Out
My subconscious mind is kind of like Clippy.Today I was attempting to drive to Mayfair Mall. The mall is about a mile from St. Mary's Church, the only other reason I ever venture into that section of town.
My subconscious brain popped up with a little yellow speech bubble that said "It looks like you're trying to get to St. Mary's. I'll drive you there." My conscious brain was wondering what it is that people seem to like about the song "Wonderful Christmastime" so it made no objections.
Once I finally came to the conclusion that there is nothing to say in favor of Wonderful Christmastime, my mind decided to check on the progress of my driving. I was nearly to St. Mary's and quite a bit past the turnoff to the mall. So I pulled into a gas station parking lot.
As I entered the parking lot, I saw a friend filling up at one of the pumps. I waved, he waved, I drove out the other side of the parking lot. It occurred to at that point to wonder whether he thought that I was insane or that I just prefer to use parking lots to avoid major intersections. The best explanation I could come up with was "My subconscious mind is kind of like Clippy..."
Helpful Advice
When you start seeing commercials for hooking up with hot local girls, you're officially up too late watching TV.
Still Kickin
I know I've gone all inblognito lately. For those of you who care, it's been busy at work. For the rest of you (or rather, "the other one of you"), I'll just go ahead and post some stuff I'm thinking.
I only watch Craig Ferguson every couple of months. I like the show but it's just on too late for a working stiff such as mahself. It's like when you only see your little cousin every few months. To everybody else, he looks pretty much like he did the day before but to you she's suddenly 6 inches taller. And apparently of a different gender. That's what late night blogging does for you.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that Craig Ferguson looks increasingly haggard every time I watch the show. I think it's no longer an intentional stylistic choice so much as a "rolling out of bed and going directly on set." He doesn't drink anymore, but he's found another way to wake up hungover at 4pm.
So that's what's on my mind today. Remember, you did this to yourself. Nobody made you come here and read this.
I only watch Craig Ferguson every couple of months. I like the show but it's just on too late for a working stiff such as mahself. It's like when you only see your little cousin every few months. To everybody else, he looks pretty much like he did the day before but to you she's suddenly 6 inches taller. And apparently of a different gender. That's what late night blogging does for you.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that Craig Ferguson looks increasingly haggard every time I watch the show. I think it's no longer an intentional stylistic choice so much as a "rolling out of bed and going directly on set." He doesn't drink anymore, but he's found another way to wake up hungover at 4pm.
So that's what's on my mind today. Remember, you did this to yourself. Nobody made you come here and read this.
