Today's post is brought to you by the letters A, B, C and D and the numbers 0 through 2007.
Maybe I'm alone on this, but I can't stand it when people mark dates by the eras of CE and BCE. Common Era and Before Common Era? What's so common about the last 2007 years? Why should the 4.6 billion years that the earth existed before then not be considered common?
There is no good reason for it.
We, the People of the Jury, Have Reached a Verdict
McDonald's on the corner of 25th and Wisconsin, you have been convicted of five counts of not giving a crap.Count 1: For having an employee leaning against the counter doing nothing while 3 people waited in line at the one open register.
Count 2: For barking "Hold on!" with annoyance to a customer trying to order through the drive-through.*
Count 3: For looking generally displeased that customers are interrupting your day by trying to order food.
Count 4: For giving me a dollar-bill in change for a charge of $4.01, rather than counting out the change.**
Count 5: For allowing the employee leaning against the counter to cut in front of customers in line and announce "I'm ordering now."
Counts 1-4 are misdemeanors which carry a penalty of 10-20 hours of customer service for each count. Count 5 is a felony count of reckless disregard for human decency. It carries a penalty of one hour of me muttering under my breath to be consecutively followed by an angry blog posting.
Bailiff, take them away.
*Note: One charge of spelling "drive-through" as "drive-thru" has been dropped because responsibility for that ultimately rests on the corporation of McDonalds as a whole.
**Note: Normally this offense would be let off with a warning, but the defendants lack of giving a crap in other areas has led to this charge being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Dubious Honors
I discovered while perusing Google Analytics that I am the top Google hit for the phrase "this can't be wrong when it feels so right" (without the quote marks). I'm also the top hit for the phrase "poor decision." Those are both pretty accurate descriptions for my blog, I think.
On the weirder side, I got a hit from the phrase "vanna white toothbrush." I don't know why anyone would want to search those terms, but if you do you'll find me.
I love Google Analytics.
On the weirder side, I got a hit from the phrase "vanna white toothbrush." I don't know why anyone would want to search those terms, but if you do you'll find me.
I love Google Analytics.
My First Public Service in the New Year!
Happy New Year everybody!
I have a confession to make. When I celebrated the new year, my friends and I just yelled out the tune to Auld Lang Syne without singing any words. Because, honestly, we don't know any of them. So for all you curious folk, here they are:
Traditional Auld Lang Syne (According to Robert Burns)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,
For auld lang syne.
Source
As you can see, it was written as a result of Irishmen drinking too much on New Year's Eve and trying to speak understandable English (which in itself is a difficult enough task for many Irish). But I have to say, whenever I pou the gowans fine, I also feel the urge to drink heavily and write a song about it. So I can't really blame them.
I have a confession to make. When I celebrated the new year, my friends and I just yelled out the tune to Auld Lang Syne without singing any words. Because, honestly, we don't know any of them. So for all you curious folk, here they are:
Traditional Auld Lang Syne (According to Robert Burns)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,
For auld lang syne.
Source
As you can see, it was written as a result of Irishmen drinking too much on New Year's Eve and trying to speak understandable English (which in itself is a difficult enough task for many Irish). But I have to say, whenever I pou the gowans fine, I also feel the urge to drink heavily and write a song about it. So I can't really blame them.
I'm World Famous
Last week was a big week for The Flametroll. A post about Time Man of the Year Richard Dawkins brought in a couple of very passionate new commenters. This blog must have had literally a dozen hits.Time Magazine's Man of the Year, The Emerson Avenger, felt so strongly about the post that he commented on it five times. That's apparently some kind of symbology that I wouldn't understand, having not seen The daVinci Code.
Meanwhile 2006 Man of the Year, Tony, thinks I'm an idiot. Apparently he hasn't read my entire blog or he would know for a fact that I am an idiot.
Then my good friend, Man of the Year Ryan posted to say that I might have a been a bit harsh on the poor old guy (Dawkins that is, not the old guy that I pushed down the stairs. Ryan thought that was funny and well-deserved).
So let me make it clear what I meant. Richard Dawkins is not a worthless person. He is not without intrinsic value. In fact, now that we are in the (liturgical) Christmas season, the prayers of Liturgy of the Hours have been reflecting on the coming of Christ to earth as a human in order to redeem humanity. Thanks to the Father's act of creating us and the Son's coming to save us*, we are all of infinite value. Don't mistake my disagreement on ideology with a hatred for the man.
What I do believe is that Mr. Dawkins' idea are dangerous and should be dealt with both truthfully and with a sense of humor. No one wants to read angry vitriol countered by more anger. I believe (and I think my hero and Time Magazine's Man of the Year GK Chesterton would have agreed) that such ideas are better countered with a laugh and a "snap out of it!" than anger or long-winded refutation. That's all I tried to do and it's all I'm really qualified for.
Having said that, I have one last question. . .where did you new guys come from? I'm curious how you found my blog and I would appreciate a comment letting me know, if you're still around.
Merry Christmas and happy Feast of Saint Stephen! May we all be living for something worth dying for.
*No offense to the Holy Spirit, He's doing good work too.
Richard Dawkins Denies the Moon
 |
| The old prankster cracks a smile. |
I've been meaning to write up a big ol' post about Time's 2006 Man of the Year, Richard Dawkins. But then I got bored of him, so I'll just repost something I wrote a while ago. Because you deserve to know what I think.
The quotes are pulled from a Slate interview with Dawkins and responses from people who read it.
I have a lot of issues with Richard Dawkins. And it's not mainly that he's an atheist. It's that he's an pompous windbag who has apparently never taken his opponent's viewpoints with the slightest bit of seriousness. He doesn't seem to stop to subject his opinions to the same rigor that he requires of religious thinkers.
This quote is a great example:
Salon's interview with Richard Dawkins: "Everybody nowadays is an atheist about Thor and Apollo. Some of us just go one god further."That's just blatant ignorance of what religious people believe. We aren't atheistic about Zeus in the sense that atheism is used in any other context. We still believe in the concept of God, just not that the concept of God takes the form of Zeus.
Everyone today disbelieves that the moon is cheese. Why doesn't he go all the way and disbelieve in the moon?
But, of course, he doesn't stop to make subtle distinctions like form vs concept. If science is the only form of knowledge, why bother yourself with stupid things like philosophy?
I heard him on Penn Jillette's radio show a couple of weeks ago. He claims that we are better off without God or any sense of spirituality. He says there is beauty in the universe and that there can be aesthetics without God. Yet, just moments later he spoke of people breeding dogs that "look funny" and roses that "look useful."
If looking "funny" or "useful" are the depths of his sense of aesthetics, I don't think he really does have any concept of beauty.
Dawkins has also claimed "the more intelligent you are, the more likely you are to be an atheist"Another axample of how cold and humorless this man is: he didn't know from watching The Colbert Report that Stephen Colbert was joking. He did finally catch on and guested on the show. Now says with total confidence that the reported church-going Catholic Colbert doesn't "really" believe in God, because he seems too intelligent for that.
[Dawkins says] that the question what is our purpose in life? "[is] not a question that deserves an answer."And possibly the most convincing evidence that he is as much a closed-minded bigot as any religious person: when he senses that there might be questions science can't answer, he doesn't entertain the question and think how to answer it. He simply refuses to ask the question and speaks scornfully of people who do.
I'll close with a quote from Time Magazine's 2006 Man of the Year, Mark Shea: "Honestly, don't these people have something useful to do with their time?"
Sorry, that was a portion of a long rant I've been saving up for a while. Thanks for listening (or, more likely, skimming).
I Don't Know Anything Any More
I had a very confusing day yesterday. As I was browsing some news headlines, I learned that the Church of England is totally cool with infanticide. That later turned out to be untrue, but it still leaves me with one question. . . why was the story's title "Gay Gatsby got Capote fired"?
Coming Soon to a Monitor Near You
I recently received the honor of being invited to join a group blog run by my friend Scotty. I will be guest writing along with such blogosphere luminaries as Tommy and Ryan.
Have no fear, faithful reader(s) and creepy stalker(s)! I will still blog here. Probably with no less frequency than I post now (as if that's a high mark to surpass).
So check out And So It Is Written and keep going back. It only has one post now, but there's sure to be a furious storm of goodness coming right toward your proverbial boarded-up beach house of boredom, with a chance of over-extended metaphores and run-on sentences, in the near future.
Have no fear, faithful reader(s) and creepy stalker(s)! I will still blog here. Probably with no less frequency than I post now (as if that's a high mark to surpass).
So check out And So It Is Written and keep going back. It only has one post now, but there's sure to be a furious storm of goodness coming right toward your proverbial boarded-up beach house of boredom, with a chance of over-extended metaphores and run-on sentences, in the near future.
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. If you're going to blatantly rip off Tommy, you should at least have something funny to say.
Pre-Results Election Roundup
Lamest Story of the Day Award goes to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's election blog entry: Poll Worker Mistakenly Asks for IDs.
If you're too lazy to read it (I know I would be), I'll summarize. A poll worker mistakenly asks for a voter to show ID. He does not, although his wife reaches for hers. A polling official tells the worker not to ask for ID. Democrats complain.
Weasliest Story: Fair Wisconsin (a group opposing the amendment limiting marriage to a man and a woman) called voters leaving a message insinuating that voting "no" would be a no to gay marriage, not a no to the amendment banning gay marriage. I realize there were a lot of negatives in that sentence. Try to keep up, Junior.
According to The Journal Sentinel, the message was a follows:
Fair Wisconsin apparently realizes that they have nothing to lose (if the amendment fails, they won't be an organization tomorrow morning). The Marquette group Students for a Fair Wisconsin violated Marquette University rules by distributing campaign materials in dorms and campus housing.
If you're too lazy to read it (I know I would be), I'll summarize. A poll worker mistakenly asks for a voter to show ID. He does not, although his wife reaches for hers. A polling official tells the worker not to ask for ID. Democrats complain.
Weasliest Story: Fair Wisconsin (a group opposing the amendment limiting marriage to a man and a woman) called voters leaving a message insinuating that voting "no" would be a no to gay marriage, not a no to the amendment banning gay marriage. I realize there were a lot of negatives in that sentence. Try to keep up, Junior.
According to The Journal Sentinel, the message was a follows:
Hi, this is Sue. Today is election day, and when you go to vote, I urge you to remember our children. I urge you to vote No on the constitutional amendment on gay marriage. Vote No to send a message that some things are too important to change. In Wisconsin, marriage is a man and a woman. Vote No to make sure activist judges don't get involved and determine what marriage might mean, like they have in other states. Vote No to protect our children, our families, and our way of life. Vote No on the gay marriage amendment.
"Authorized and paid for by Fair Wisconsin Committee, Michael Childress, Treasurer."
Fair Wisconsin apparently realizes that they have nothing to lose (if the amendment fails, they won't be an organization tomorrow morning). The Marquette group Students for a Fair Wisconsin violated Marquette University rules by distributing campaign materials in dorms and campus housing.
You Know It's Ecumenism When No One Goes Home Happy
Not all Christian leaders happy with papal vespers service
REGENSBURG, Germany (CNS) -- Pope Benedict XVI participated in an ecumenical vespers service in Regensburg's cathedral, but not all Christian representatives were happy with the outcome. A Lutheran-Reformed bishop felt the pope put too much emphasis on relations with the Orthodox. An Orthodox representative expressed surprise that a Lutheran-Reformed bishop had been allowed to speak. A Methodist minister said he felt excluded because much of the singing was in Latin. Before the Sept. 12 service, Pope Benedict was introduced to representatives of the 16 members of the Association of Christian Churches in Bavaria, as well as to representatives of the Jewish community. They met in nearby St. Ulrich's Church and made their way in a procession from there to the cathedral. Parts of the vespers service were conducted by representatives of the Orthodox churches, and Lutheran-Reformed Bishop Johannes Friedrich of Bavaria read a meditation and called for Christian unity that allows room for differences.
It's pretty funny how all of them complained about a Catholic ceremony that they agreed to participate in. There was Latin? In a Catholic prayer? No Wittenburg, Werlock.
But my favorite part is the Orthodox complaint. He was apparently angry that the Lutheran even got speak. I have a visual image of an Orthodox bishop mocking a Lutheran. "Who here has valid orders? Oh yeah, not you--so shut up."
Thanks to the Rockford Diocese Observer and Catholic News Service.
Color or Diet?
Not as Gross as Many of our Other Franchise Locations!
I was hungry today after work, so I stopped at a local Mexican fast food restaurant. I will refer to it as Burrito Gong.* Behind the counter was a sign that read:
"We wash and sanitize our hands."I guess that is supposed to make us feel confident in the cleanliness of the food making environment. But what it said to me is "This restaurant adheres to the bare minimum of hygenic practice."
Shouldn't it really should go without saying that employees wash their hands in the kitchen of a restaurant?
*In order to protect Taco Bell's identity.
Fun with Spam
I got hit on by a spammer a few days ago. Among my junk mail filter's usual drivel about v1agra and Russian mail-order brides, I also received a love letter. This email came from a certain Siegfried Conroy and had the unremarkable heading "bizarre." But in the preview window, I could read the first line of the message:
I googled Siegfried to see if he was the kind of guy I might be willing to tell all of my thoughts to. He didn't show up anywhere on google. That means that next time poor Siegfried googles his own name, I'm going to be the first hit. That's what I call free publicity!
/* GOOGLE, PLEASE READ HERE */
Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy
/* THANKS! */
Come uptonight and well spoon in the moonlight and you can tell me your thoughtsHow sweet!
I googled Siegfried to see if he was the kind of guy I might be willing to tell all of my thoughts to. He didn't show up anywhere on google. That means that next time poor Siegfried googles his own name, I'm going to be the first hit. That's what I call free publicity!
/* GOOGLE, PLEASE READ HERE */
Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried ConroySiegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy spoon Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy Siegfried Conroy
/* THANKS! */
It's a Boy!
I'm the proud daddy of a brand new
It comes with lots of accessories, including this image taken from the Apple website.
It comes with lots of accessories, including this image taken from the Apple website.
Wake Me Up Before You Comment
Recently, I was at the gym running. As you may know, there are six TVs in the room with the treadmills. At any given time, at least seven of them are either watching Entertainment Tonight or MTV. (I think that might tell you something about the demographics of the gym itself, but that would be stereotyping so I won't comment any further about the brainless crap gym-going females like to watch.)
Anyway, an episode of Entertainment Tonight came on, prominently featuring an interview with George Michael. If you were born after 1979, you may be wondering why George Michael is famous. So am I. Apparently it was for being a member of the band Wham! (the exclamation point is his, not mine. I don't find the band so exciting that it deserves special punctuation.) They were known for the hit (relatively speaking for 80's music) songs "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "Honkytonk Badonkadonk."
Anyway, thanks to the miracle of closed captioning (how does it work, anyway?) I could see that George Michael was being interviewed about having an affair with a random man in the bushes of a local park*.
Anyway, he seemed very offended by the fact that the interviewer was asking him about his affair (one bush stand? Trimming more than the hedges? Don't get me started, I'll go on all day.)
Anyway, his offendedness struck me as odd. Why did he accept the invitation to be interviewed on the show if he didn't want to talk about the only thing that has put him in the news since before I was even born? Was he expecting questions about the weather ("Yes, I do think it's pretty hot out there.")? Or gas prices ("They are triple what they were before I became a washed-up B-list celebrity.")?
Anyway, it all seems sort of disingenuous. Either he is completely clueless, or he was willing to get drilled on national TV just so he could get a little spotlight time. Apparently when his 15 minutes of fame got over, he cut in front of my place in line and went back through.
Anyway, the main point of this post (as always) is that everyone should link to my blog, if only to correct this injustice.
*Strangely enough, this is the only true part of my post.
Anyway, an episode of Entertainment Tonight came on, prominently featuring an interview with George Michael. If you were born after 1979, you may be wondering why George Michael is famous. So am I. Apparently it was for being a member of the band Wham! (the exclamation point is his, not mine. I don't find the band so exciting that it deserves special punctuation.) They were known for the hit (relatively speaking for 80's music) songs "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "Honkytonk Badonkadonk."
Anyway, thanks to the miracle of closed captioning (how does it work, anyway?) I could see that George Michael was being interviewed about having an affair with a random man in the bushes of a local park*.
Anyway, he seemed very offended by the fact that the interviewer was asking him about his affair (one bush stand? Trimming more than the hedges? Don't get me started, I'll go on all day.)
Anyway, his offendedness struck me as odd. Why did he accept the invitation to be interviewed on the show if he didn't want to talk about the only thing that has put him in the news since before I was even born? Was he expecting questions about the weather ("Yes, I do think it's pretty hot out there.")? Or gas prices ("They are triple what they were before I became a washed-up B-list celebrity.")?
Anyway, it all seems sort of disingenuous. Either he is completely clueless, or he was willing to get drilled on national TV just so he could get a little spotlight time. Apparently when his 15 minutes of fame got over, he cut in front of my place in line and went back through.
Anyway, the main point of this post (as always) is that everyone should link to my blog, if only to correct this injustice.
*Strangely enough, this is the only true part of my post.
Cool Jesus
I found this article on Godspy about the idea of "Buddy Jesus". I don't really have anything to add. Just read it.
