Anybody watching the Marquette Game?
Did the announcers make a bet over how many times they can use the phrase "junkyard dogs" before the producer starts screaming into their earpieces? Someone is winning a ton of money right now.
Best... Google Search... Ever!
According to Google Analytics someone found this blog with the following search phrase:What name does hooters come up as on your bank statement?I have to wonder if this guy is trying to hide it from his wife, or attempting to get reimbursed at work, or wondering how he's going to explain to the charges to the treasurer of his school's feminist organization that he tried so hard to become a member of because the vice president is cute and sat by him in Bio but never talked to him because he was socially awkward and short and didn't ok where am I going with this?
Anyway, Mr. Guy-Who-Is-Trying-to-Hide-a-Hooters-Visit is from Kentucky and visited my site on November 12. For shame! You know who you are.
This Post Brought to You By Fixodent and Mueslix!
I'm old. Those of you who know me know that this post is belated. I have been old for week now.
Or maybe, last week I was reminded again that I am old. The truth is, I've been old for more than a week. I learned about the Jonah Brothers when CNN popped up an entertainment headline proclaiming that they were virgins. "Bully for them," I thought "Who the hell are they? What are they doing on my lawn?" Some type of musical act the kids are all listening to nowadays. These kids and their Knuckleback and Naomi Wyoming. Lawrence Welk would have shown those punks what... where was I? Where am I?
Oh yeah, how old I am. Older, in fact, than:
Well, I guess it could be worse. At least I'm not:
Well, you know what they say: You're only as old as the police can prove you are. Peace out, homies!
Or maybe, last week I was reminded again that I am old. The truth is, I've been old for more than a week. I learned about the Jonah Brothers when CNN popped up an entertainment headline proclaiming that they were virgins. "Bully for them," I thought "Who the hell are they? What are they doing on my lawn?" Some type of musical act the kids are all listening to nowadays. These kids and their Knuckleback and Naomi Wyoming. Lawrence Welk would have shown those punks what... where was I? Where am I?
Oh yeah, how old I am. Older, in fact, than:
- A pitcher who threw a no-hit inning in the All Star game.
- The female lead in her third season on a primetime TV show.
- The guy who led my fantasy baseball team's pitching staff two seasons ago.
- The guy who won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest two season ago
- And lest you think I'm only including young people excelling in young people's professions...The author of Story of a Soul and a Doctor of the Church.
People younger than me
Well, I guess it could be worse. At least I'm not:
- Dating Mickey Rourke
- Dating Mel Gibson
- Dating Vladimir Putin(what's the deal with all these Russian models? Other than the chance to live a life not centered around poverty and vodka consumption, I suppose)
- Married to (then widowed by) an 82 year old
People Less Fortunate Than Me
Well, you know what they say: You're only as old as the police can prove you are. Peace out, homies!
All Kind of Fun Pictures!
It's Look At What Happens When You Leave Software Unsupervised Day (LAWHWYLSUD) at the Flametroll today. All of these were captured on my computer within the last 48 hours.
Well, that's good to know. With software like Rapid SQL, you need a notifier when unusual events happen. (See below.)
Are you asking me or telling me?
If you press No, it pops the message up again. Apparently, they're telling me.
When you allow algorithms determine headline placement, unfortunate things can happen.
According to Google Analytics, someone found The Flametroll with this search term.
Sad fact #1: Someone searched this phrase.
Sad fact #2: This phrase actually occurs on my blog. I can only imagine how proud my mother must be. There's a reason I don't talk to her about blogging. At least I had the decency to hit the space bar a couple of times.
Well, that's good to know. With software like Rapid SQL, you need a notifier when unusual events happen. (See below.)
Are you asking me or telling me?
If you press No, it pops the message up again. Apparently, they're telling me.
When you allow algorithms determine headline placement, unfortunate things can happen.
According to Google Analytics, someone found The Flametroll with this search term.
Sad fact #1: Someone searched this phrase.
Sad fact #2: This phrase actually occurs on my blog. I can only imagine how proud my mother must be. There's a reason I don't talk to her about blogging. At least I had the decency to hit the space bar a couple of times.
What the Heck Facebook: Part N+3 of an M+3 Part Series
I don't mean to turn this blog into all What The Heck Facebook, all the time. But facebook could really do me a favor by not being so flat-out bizarre.
I've been looking at this picture for hours and I can't make heads nor tails of it. My eyes are starting to hurt and my roommate is wondering why I've been holed up in my room so long. He's probably making plans for what to tell the police when a strange rotting smell starts coming out of my vents.
Why is this woman wearing a tank top and a head band? More importantly, why is she standing on front of a pen of cows? How does that relate to nice guys finishing last? Am I finishing last? Does life have any inherent purpose? Why do we call cats "cats" instead of "dogs"? Would the world be any different if we did it the other way? Everything I thought I understood about the universe is crumbling around me.
I've been looking at this picture for hours and I can't make heads nor tails of it. My eyes are starting to hurt and my roommate is wondering why I've been holed up in my room so long. He's probably making plans for what to tell the police when a strange rotting smell starts coming out of my vents.
Why is this woman wearing a tank top and a head band? More importantly, why is she standing on front of a pen of cows? How does that relate to nice guys finishing last? Am I finishing last? Does life have any inherent purpose? Why do we call cats "cats" instead of "dogs"? Would the world be any different if we did it the other way? Everything I thought I understood about the universe is crumbling around me.
What the Heck Facebook: Part N+1 of an M+1 Part Series
Today's special offering on facebook: a Proverbs 31 woman!
For, as Proverbs 31 teaches us:
Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.
Wow, I know marriage can be tough, but that seems a little extreme to me. Definitely not the best way to sell a dating service, if you ask me.
What? I'm reading the wrong section, you say? Speak up, it's hard to hear you from all the way over here.
I guess this ad must referring to the second half of Proverbs 31.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. [...]
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
That's important, I suppose. We can't have the maidens of our household starving to death. How on earth would you explain that to the police? "Sir, didn't you used to have 6 maidens in this household?" "Yes, officer, but we went away for the weekend and forgot to leave food out for them. They ate one of their own."
And if they want to stay in my household, they better not be vegetarians. "Give them meat!" I'll say to Mrs. Proverbs31-Flametroll. "None of that tofu garbage for the maidens of my household!"
And I definitely won't be marrying someone who can't handle a distaff. What are they teaching in home-ec these days? (I'm a little concerned by the number of hands Mrs. P31-F is going to have. I don't consider it a requirement that she be able to have hands on a distaff and hands on a spindle at the same time.)
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
This one's important in Milwaukee. There's going to be a lot of snow, so my kids better be wearing bright red when it comes.
This post made possible by tacky facebook advertisers everywhere... and viewers like you.
Live-blogging the Health Care Speech
Some highlights (I'll see if I can find these on youtube later):
Joe Biden in the background nodding and blinking too much, like a girl at a bar trying to convince her friends she's sober.
The dressed and shaved panhandler with a sign reading "What bill?" I think it might have originally said "Will bathe."
That one guy holding up a fat copy of the bill during a standing ovation, not smiling or clapping, just holding.
President Obama just threatened people who talk smack about the bill. "I will call you out." As he said earlier "My door is always open." According to some sources, an intial draft continued "And I am always prepared to take this outside if that's how you want to settle this, mofo."
The big fake smile John McCain made every time Obama complimented him. Something like "Hahahahaf-youhahaha!"
That one time Obama mentioned the Republicans and they all sat there for a second before standing up. Then they kept sneaking glances at each other like "Oh my gosh, he just talked about us! Obama just talked about us on national TV! I'm totally going to post this in my LiveJournal tonight!"*
Today on Lack of Context Theater: "We plan to set up panels of bureaucrats to deny coverage to senior citizens" -- President Obama
I'm not sure about other channels but CNBC didn't have any audio of the Republican's response speech. We switched over to CNN and Larry King was interviewing John McCain. Fun fact: their combined ages predate the Civil War. Bonus fun fact: Neither of them was alive last time the Cubs won the World Series. Bonus bonus fun fact: Larry King hasn't appeared on television in over a decade, since being replaced by a life-like mannequin in the later '90s.
Larry King-droid 2000 just implied that McCain may not have found Obama's compliments particularly flattering. I have to give CNN credit, the algorithms for perception of human emotion are pretty good.
Barney Frank and Ben Stein are coming on next, so I'm definitely not changing the channel. I hope Barney Frank is appearing via hologram.
Who looks drunker today? Biden or Frank? Did they just pump the whole auditorium full of nerve gas? Or maybe whiskey vapor.
King-Droid almost called Ben Stein and Barney "Ben Franklin." The jokes write themselves.
Anderson Cooper switched the "p" in ownership with a "t".
Joe Biden in the background nodding and blinking too much, like a girl at a bar trying to convince her friends she's sober.
The dressed and shaved panhandler with a sign reading "What bill?" I think it might have originally said "Will bathe."
That one guy holding up a fat copy of the bill during a standing ovation, not smiling or clapping, just holding.
President Obama just threatened people who talk smack about the bill. "I will call you out." As he said earlier "My door is always open." According to some sources, an intial draft continued "And I am always prepared to take this outside if that's how you want to settle this, mofo."
The big fake smile John McCain made every time Obama complimented him. Something like "Hahahahaf-youhahaha!"
That one time Obama mentioned the Republicans and they all sat there for a second before standing up. Then they kept sneaking glances at each other like "Oh my gosh, he just talked about us! Obama just talked about us on national TV! I'm totally going to post this in my LiveJournal tonight!"*
Today on Lack of Context Theater: "We plan to set up panels of bureaucrats to deny coverage to senior citizens" -- President Obama
I'm not sure about other channels but CNBC didn't have any audio of the Republican's response speech. We switched over to CNN and Larry King was interviewing John McCain. Fun fact: their combined ages predate the Civil War. Bonus fun fact: Neither of them was alive last time the Cubs won the World Series. Bonus bonus fun fact: Larry King hasn't appeared on television in over a decade, since being replaced by a life-like mannequin in the later '90s.
Larry King-droid 2000 just implied that McCain may not have found Obama's compliments particularly flattering. I have to give CNN credit, the algorithms for perception of human emotion are pretty good.
Barney Frank and Ben Stein are coming on next, so I'm definitely not changing the channel. I hope Barney Frank is appearing via hologram.
Who looks drunker today? Biden or Frank? Did they just pump the whole auditorium full of nerve gas? Or maybe whiskey vapor.
King-Droid almost called Ben Stein and Barney "Ben Franklin." The jokes write themselves.
Anderson Cooper switched the "p" in ownership with a "t".
The Jameson just came out, so that means it's about time to wrap this up!
* Basically the same expression I was wearing all night.
* Basically the same expression I was wearing all night.
Quote of the Day
Googling for "what to eat before a marathon", this was one of the answers:
I would eat one banana and a Cliff Bar prior to a race. The Cliff Bar guarantees that the race will only be the second most physically challenging part of your day.
What the Heck Facebook: Part N of an M Part Series
This ad showed up on my sidebar today:
Apparently advertisers have caught on that Facebook's demographic is aging. Some users may need a bit of pharmaceutical assistance before they find other facebook ads appealing.
Apparently advertisers have caught on that Facebook's demographic is aging. Some users may need a bit of pharmaceutical assistance before they find other facebook ads appealing.
Your Math For the Day
Update: The more I look at this code, the less certain I am that it's correct. But since it's here, I'm leaving it.
I finally wrapped my head around the Birthday Paradox today. You can go ahead and look that up on Wikipedia, but it will make your brain melt. I see all of those wacky mathy symbols and start wondering what's for dinner. I'll to explain in a way that any old moron can understand, because that's basically all I can figure out.
The basic question is "how many people do you have to get together before the odds are better than 50/50 that two of them share a birthday?" A common initial reaction is to say that it would be
180
183 (this would be more than one half of 365). If you think about that for a minute, you'll realize that180 183 people can't be the answer because each person relates to each other person. There are a lot of possible connections. So how do you find exactly how many?
My first thought was that it was a problem of graphing all possible connections between the n number of people in the room. To simplify, I'll illustrate with four:
Using that logic, there are 4 people with 6 possible connections. So whatever number of people would make over
182
183 connections would be the correct number. The formula for that is recursive: edges(n) = (n-1) + edges(n-1). I'll save you the math, the answer is19 20. But according to wikipedia, that's not correct either.
Thinking that over again, I realized that for every person in the room who doesn't match anyone else, a birthdate is eliminated. We no longer have to take that date into consideration when checking anyone after that. So the odds of a match increase with every person who doesn't match. This is unlike, say, flipping a coin where the odds of a result are independent of the earlier results. It's more like picking the Ace of Spades from a deck of cards. With every card that isn't the Ace of Spades, there are fewer cards to choose from can be it.
The birthday paradox works the same way. For the first guy (Arthur), there is a 1/365 chance that he matches with the next person he talks to (Brad). Then there's a 1/365 chance of Arthur being a match with the guy after that (Carl), etc. So the odds of him matching someone else are (1/365)^n (where n is the total number of people in the room).
But when Arthur has spoken to everyone in the room, we know that his birthday (let's say Jan 1) is not shared with anyone in the room. Therefore we don't even think of Jan 1 as being an option for the next guy. So Brad will have a 1/364 chance of matching with Carl, a 1/364 chance of matching with Dave, a 1/364 chance of matching with Eric, etc. That is, his total odds of matching with someone are (1/364)^(n-1). (The n-1 is because we already know he doesn't match with Arthur. We don't want to count that combination twice.)
The odds that Arthur doesn't match anyone AND Brad doesn't match anyone are calculated by multiplying the two sets of odds together: (1/365)^n * (1/364)^(n-1). This continues for each person in the room. Subtract from n and multiply by the odds of the previous guys. The formula eventually works out to:
(1/(365-0))^n * (1/(365-1))^(n-1) * (1/(365-2))^(n-2) ... (1/365-(step_number-1))^1
If that looks like the unreadable stepchild of Lisp and Perl, I also wrote a nice succinct Ruby scipt to sum it up:
Keep running that until you get a number over 0.5.
*SPOILER* 23. Now you are enlightened! Hopefully. Otherwise, it's probably because I explained it badly. You can have your money back on this post.
Edit (08/28/09 11:30am): I fixed a couple of errors. Notes to self: Don't do long strings of addition in your head. You will get them wrong. Also, in a math post about statistics, don't round numbers to the nearest ten. Half of 365 is not 180.
I finally wrapped my head around the Birthday Paradox today. You can go ahead and look that up on Wikipedia, but it will make your brain melt. I see all of those wacky mathy symbols and start wondering what's for dinner. I'll to explain in a way that any old moron can understand, because that's basically all I can figure out.
The basic question is "how many people do you have to get together before the odds are better than 50/50 that two of them share a birthday?" A common initial reaction is to say that it would be
180
183 (this would be more than one half of 365). If you think about that for a minute, you'll realize that
My first thought was that it was a problem of graphing all possible connections between the n number of people in the room. To simplify, I'll illustrate with four:
A<-->B
A<-->C
A<-->D
B<-->C
B<-->D
C<-->D
Using that logic, there are 4 people with 6 possible connections. So whatever number of people would make over
182
183 connections would be the correct number. The formula for that is recursive: edges(n) = (n-1) + edges(n-1). I'll save you the math, the answer is
Thinking that over again, I realized that for every person in the room who doesn't match anyone else, a birthdate is eliminated. We no longer have to take that date into consideration when checking anyone after that. So the odds of a match increase with every person who doesn't match. This is unlike, say, flipping a coin where the odds of a result are independent of the earlier results. It's more like picking the Ace of Spades from a deck of cards. With every card that isn't the Ace of Spades, there are fewer cards to choose from can be it.
The birthday paradox works the same way. For the first guy (Arthur), there is a 1/365 chance that he matches with the next person he talks to (Brad). Then there's a 1/365 chance of Arthur being a match with the guy after that (Carl), etc. So the odds of him matching someone else are (1/365)^n (where n is the total number of people in the room).
But when Arthur has spoken to everyone in the room, we know that his birthday (let's say Jan 1) is not shared with anyone in the room. Therefore we don't even think of Jan 1 as being an option for the next guy. So Brad will have a 1/364 chance of matching with Carl, a 1/364 chance of matching with Dave, a 1/364 chance of matching with Eric, etc. That is, his total odds of matching with someone are (1/364)^(n-1). (The n-1 is because we already know he doesn't match with Arthur. We don't want to count that combination twice.)
The odds that Arthur doesn't match anyone AND Brad doesn't match anyone are calculated by multiplying the two sets of odds together: (1/365)^n * (1/364)^(n-1). This continues for each person in the room. Subtract from n and multiply by the odds of the previous guys. The formula eventually works out to:
(1/(365-0))^n * (1/(365-1))^(n-1) * (1/(365-2))^(n-2) ... (1/365-(step_number-1))^1
If that looks like the unreadable stepchild of Lisp and Perl, I also wrote a nice succinct Ruby scipt to sum it up:
#!/usr/bin/ruby -w
def birthday_paradox(people, days)
odds = 1.0
people.downto(1) do | i |
odds_of_nonmatch_this_round =
((days.to_f - 1) / days.to_f) ** (i - 1)
odds *= odds_of_nonmatch_this_round
days -= 1
end
return 1 - odds
end
Keep running that until you get a number over 0.5.
*SPOILER* 23. Now you are enlightened! Hopefully. Otherwise, it's probably because I explained it badly. You can have your money back on this post.
Edit (08/28/09 11:30am): I fixed a couple of errors. Notes to self: Don't do long strings of addition in your head. You will get them wrong. Also, in a math post about statistics, don't round numbers to the nearest ten. Half of 365 is not 180.
And Now For Weather...
When I was checking the weather yesterday, I noticed that it was listed as "partly sunny" all day until 7pm. That's when the listing changed over the night-themed weather icons. At that point, the forecast changed to "partly cloudy."
Is there a legitimate difference, or was the site just too embarassed to use the phrase "partly moony"?
Plusgood Miniplenty Eliminates Need For Ownlife
Let me be the first to say, President Obama's health care plan is a flawless idea.
If there's one thing that will fix our flawed and complicated health care system, it's a half-thought-out, largely unread monstrosity of a law rushed through as quickly as humanly possible (or Congressionally possible, I guess. Humans have to get their work done before they can take a month-long vacation).
Anyway, my small and uneducated words will not do justice to this golden gift from on high. I make my pronouncement not because I have something of worth to add (for, lo, I am unworthy to loosen the cap of his Bud Light) but because I want to make sure my intentions are not misunderstood. Citizens are urged to report bloggers who are promoting ungoodthink about healthcare, and I wish to register myself as an goodthinker now rather than wait for another election in which I can atone for not voting for Obama.
Heed this pronouncement!:
Anyone promoting ungoodthink will feel the fierce, fiery, flaming (farty?) fury of Flametroll rhetoric! Don't make me report you!
If there's one thing that will fix our flawed and complicated health care system, it's a half-thought-out, largely unread monstrosity of a law rushed through as quickly as humanly possible (or Congressionally possible, I guess. Humans have to get their work done before they can take a month-long vacation).
Anyway, my small and uneducated words will not do justice to this golden gift from on high. I make my pronouncement not because I have something of worth to add (for, lo, I am unworthy to loosen the cap of his Bud Light) but because I want to make sure my intentions are not misunderstood. Citizens are urged to report bloggers who are promoting ungoodthink about healthcare, and I wish to register myself as an goodthinker now rather than wait for another election in which I can atone for not voting for Obama.
Heed this pronouncement!:
There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. [...] If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov.
Anyone promoting ungoodthink will feel the fierce, fiery, flaming (farty?) fury of Flametroll rhetoric! Don't make me report you!
This is Happening Way Too Much to Be a Coincidence...
Who here is from Brazil? And how do you make up 10% of my blog's total hits*?
* That last question was rhetorical. No one else actually reads my blog.
* That last question was rhetorical. No one else actually reads my blog.
President Obama: I Neither Know nor Care About Beer
Well, not in so many words. But he chose to have a Bud Light.
Down the Rabbit Hole
I was bored recently, so I read some of my old blog posts. You may think that reading your own blog is the innermost layer of the narcissism onion. It is not. Blogging about reading your own blog is even worse.
LV 2 BLOG
On the highway today, I saw a license plate that I thought said "MARK WTF". I laughed, wondering if that's what Mark's friends said to him when he bought that expensive SUV in this economy.
As I got closer, I saw that it actually said "MARX WYF". That's seems unlikely, as Jenny von Westphalen died in 1881. I guess it actually must have been a shortened form of what the driver really wanted to have on her license plate: "I'M MARRIED TO MARK SO STAY BACK YOU HUSSIES!" Unfortunately, those doggone license plate length limits and lack of punctuation made that message difficult to send. I just don't feel like the new plate packs the same wallop.
As I got closer, I saw that it actually said "MARX WYF". That's seems unlikely, as Jenny von Westphalen died in 1881. I guess it actually must have been a shortened form of what the driver really wanted to have on her license plate: "I'M MARRIED TO MARK SO STAY BACK YOU HUSSIES!" Unfortunately, those doggone license plate length limits and lack of punctuation made that message difficult to send. I just don't feel like the new plate packs the same wallop.
Abashing The Cat: Just as Wrong as it Sounds
Every so often I walk in on my roommate's cat straddling this rainbow feather duster we have laying around the house. You may not think a cat is capable of looking embarrassed, but you've probably never caught one doing that either. He looks up and meows something like the cat equivalent of "This isn't what it looks like! I was doing the Heimlich...I mean we were rearranging the furniture...I mean...ehh forget it" then we both feel awkward and we avoid making eye contact for the rest of the day.
When I'm Sixty Five
We got a new online 401k tracking system at work last week. I was looking over it and found that my retirement date is scheduled for 2050. I hope they develop flying cars by then so that I can be part of the first generation of old people to obstruct traffic in three dimensions.
Maybe four, even, if scientists get cracking on wormholes.
Maybe four, even, if scientists get cracking on wormholes.
