The Flametroll

Free Idea

2011-12-24T18:00:00.001-06:00

I don't have any use for this myself, but if you're trying to name a German basketball team, consider "Deutschland Über Ballers."

Albert Pujols: 2001-2011

2011-12-09T08:21:00.000-06:00

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. Here's a man who had a chance to be a legend, a god-like figure in a city that has loved him for over a decade. Instead he chose to be a mercenary, taking crazy money to go to play out the end of his career in a city that expects him to live up to an insanely big contract. I hope it works out for him, because he's a great player. But it didn't go so hot for

Re: The Policeman Who Cussed at me for Crossing the Street

2011-07-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

I got chewed out by a policeman directing traffic while I was coming home from SummerFest last night. He was at the corner making a generic "go ahead" motion. The cars weren't going, so we assumed that meant we should walk. When we started crossing, he dropped a sentence that I calculated at 50% profanity (depending on how you parse blasphemies against the name of God). That really made me mad.

See What Happens When I Can't Sleep?

2011-05-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I already posted this on facebook, but it's not like I've ever been a stickler for originality before. Coming this fall:How I Met Your Murderer: Fox's gripping crime drama in which a retired detective tells his children the story of how he cracked a case...and how that led to them being born! The Orifice: NBC's hilarious proctological mock-umentary series! Hawaii Fievel: America's

Because Google Doesn't Understand Context

2011-05-08T18:22:00.000-05:00

Today, I encountered an idea I had never considered before...Can you freeze eggs to keep them fresh?. The consensus was that this a bad idea because eggs explode when frozen. Well, that's just too good to pass up, so I hit Google image search to see what that looks like. The first hit for "frozen eggs" is a cool picture of an eggshell split open, with icy yolk hanging out. The second picture is

Open Letter to Mike Quade

2011-04-25T00:08:00.002-05:00

Complaining about stolen bases in a blowout loss is loser talk. The best revenge is winning. Or, failing that, beaning the guy in his next at-bat. If the Cubs don't have a pitching staff that can accomplish either of those, you've got bigger problems than stolen bases.

The Face of Evil

2011-01-30T15:52:00.000-06:00

You want to know who's sneaky and a little bit evil? Hanes! "Of course!" I'm sure you're telling me right now. "They're a giant corporation who dumps plutonium in poor people's drinking water and uses Micronesian sweatshop labor and fosters poor body image among young girls!*" "No!" I respond. The conspiracy goes deeper even than that. It's more shocking even than the fact that they subsidize

Breaking Up is Hard

2011-01-21T18:48:00.001-06:00

It's always a sad day when you get dumped via text message. Especially when you didn't know you were dating anyone to begin with. I reproduce the text message conversation verbatim: From: 555-555-5555 (3:32 pm) I dnt want th truck keys. Jus want u to b a good person bu i have no control over that. I jus need to move on n realize u always gon b that person n it dsnt make sense but im sure ul get

Free Marketing Advice!

2010-12-18T11:57:00.003-06:00

How is it that both Apple and Google have passed up the opportunity to use the tagline "The television will be revolutionized"?

Your Thought of the Day

2010-11-17T23:33:00.003-06:00

Isn't Sammy Hagar going to feel foolish if scientists discover another way to rock? Unless you have a rock-solid nonexistence proof that has been thoroughly peer reviewed, it's probably not wise to make such stark pronouncements.

Easily Confused English Words

2010-08-29T13:42:00.005-05:00

Working with international contractors has taught me a lot of things. For instance I've learned several English words that I don't think of as related are more similar than English speakers might think.The morning of our epic USA vs India softball game, I had a discussion with the captain of Team India about what equipment we would be using. The conversation went something like this:Captain: What

Going Thought Blind

2010-08-18T19:24:00.004-05:00

Ahem. Well, then. I think we all learned an important lesson about late night drinking and blogging, didn't we? Let's just move on then.Have you ever gone thought-blind? I've noticed this phenomenon before, but I only put a name to it recently. It happens when you're so lost in thought that you lose track of what you're physically doing. One time while I was really concentrating at work, I got up

Like Who?

2010-07-16T00:57:00.002-05:00

I write likeDavid Foster WallaceI Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!That's what iwl.me says anyway. Also, my mom says I'm a very special and talented boy, but that's probably mostly because she doesn't know about this blog.

Wedding Season!

2010-06-20T23:05:00.006-05:00

I love pretty much everything about weddings. Free meals. Open bars. Dressing like James Bond. The only time it makes sense to listen to "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. I don't think I need to enumerate all the reasons to you because if you're reading this, odds are that you have been at all the same weddings as I have anyway.Here's the weird thing about wedding season. The sheer number of

Rollin' With Ballmer's Posse

2010-06-13T18:55:00.001-05:00

Microsoft has literally become that rich kid from high school that no one wants to be friends with: using money to make people "like" them.

Spoiler Alert!

2010-05-28T07:31:00.005-05:00

An overview of the travel/time travel on Lost:Click for full sizeAlso, we learn that I can not draw the United States. Or airplanes. But I think the spelling is pretty good.

Judging By the Commercials...

2010-05-25T23:20:00.002-05:00

..the key demographic for The Office on CW18 at 10:30pm is people who might buy an Audi and people who need lawyers.Have I become a Goldman Sachs executive?!

Hypocrisy, Deception, or Feigned Ignorance*

2010-05-05T19:29:00.003-05:00

I was talking to a friend today about a wedding he's going to this weekend. It was originally planned to be outdoors but the wedding planner convinced the bride to move indoors because it was likely to rain on her wedding day."That's ironic" I said.Either no one got it or no one thought it was funny (presumably the latter) because there was no reaction. Which is alright for everyone else because

Have I Ever Said that I Love Ruby?

2010-04-19T00:00:00.004-05:00

In just 34 lines of code, I wrote a script to take all of the files in a particular directory, search for the desired filetype and resize those images to a specific maximum size.Here's a sample method:def append_before_extension(filepath, append_string) ext = File.extname(filepath) base = File.basename(filepath, ext) return base + append_string + extendWhy can't Java make file processing so

I Appreciate the Effort

2010-04-11T16:12:00.002-05:00

But do they really need to package a user manual with my cell phone wall charger?

New Policy in Place

2010-03-27T09:11:00.001-05:00

I found this above the comment section at the Motley Fool.I propose that this caveat be adapted for the comment section of all websites. I'll be doing my part!

Lent Post

2010-03-14T14:08:00.002-05:00

Taco Bell's cheesy bean and rice tortilla almost makes Friday nights in Lent not feel like penance. Fortunately, this being Taco Bell, Saturday morning will often make up for it.

What the Heck Facebook: Part N+π of an M+π Part Series

2010-02-18T16:53:00.003-06:00

Speaking of offensive facebook dating ads (Actually, you may not have been, but I was):

Liveblogging the State of the Union

2010-01-27T20:16:00.002-06:00

Yes, that last post means exactly what you feared it might mean... I'm liveblogging a political event! I'm dying to see Barney Frank again, but I might be out of "look how drunk he looks!" jokes. But boogers are still on the table. Err, I mean...Without further ado:Nancy Pelosi is wearing her beldam hair today: Obama said: "The most difficult [letters] to read are from children." He didn't add "

Obama's State of the Union Shocker

2010-01-27T20:10:00.001-06:00

"Due to low poll ratings, Jay Leno will be taking over as president."

"Bear Grylls doesn't show you how to stay alive.."

2010-01-11T19:18:00.006-06:00

"...he shows you how to be alive"Translation: Bear Grylls shows you how to nearly kill yourself on a weekly basis.

People on the Bus Part I: Rockstar

2009-12-29T17:40:00.004-06:00

Now that I ride the bus everyday, I encounter all kinds of people I wouldn't normally run into. And since I take the same bus every morning and evening I recognize them, like the supporting characters in the critically acclaimed, low ratings sitcom of my daily life. I've been meaning to document them here for the enjoyment of all, but I kept forgetting...until today.Character #1 is a guy I call

I Finally Figured It Out

2009-12-20T16:57:00.004-06:00

My subconscious mind is kind of like Clippy.Today I was attempting to drive to Mayfair Mall. The mall is about a mile from St. Mary's Church, the only other reason I ever venture into that section of town. My subconscious brain popped up with a little yellow speech bubble that said "It looks like you're trying to get to St. Mary's. I'll drive you there." My conscious brain was wondering what it

Helpful Advice

2009-12-12T01:00:00.001-06:00

When you start seeing commercials for hooking up with hot local girls, you're officially up too late watching TV.

Still Kickin

2009-12-10T23:41:00.002-06:00

I know I've gone all inblognito lately. For those of you who care, it's been busy at work. For the rest of you (or rather, "the other one of you"), I'll just go ahead and post some stuff I'm thinking.I only watch Craig Ferguson every couple of months. I like the show but it's just on too late for a working stiff such as mahself. It's like when you only see your little cousin every few months. To

Anybody watching the Marquette Game?

2009-11-29T20:04:00.003-06:00

Did the announcers make a bet over how many times they can use the phrase "junkyard dogs" before the producer starts screaming into their earpieces? Someone is winning a ton of money right now.

Best... Google Search... Ever!

2009-11-15T23:41:00.008-06:00

According to Google Analytics someone found this blog with the following search phrase:What name does hooters come up as on your bank statement?I have to wonder if this guy is trying to hide it from his wife, or attempting to get reimbursed at work, or wondering how he's going to explain to the charges to the treasurer of his school's feminist organization that he tried so hard to become a

This Post Brought to You By Fixodent and Mueslix!

2009-10-14T20:39:00.002-05:00

I'm old. Those of you who know me know that this post is belated. I have been old for week now.Or maybe, last week I was reminded again that I am old. The truth is, I've been old for more than a week. I learned about the Jonah Brothers when CNN popped up an entertainment headline proclaiming that they were virgins. "Bully for them," I thought "Who the hell are they? What are they doing on my lawn

All Kind of Fun Pictures!

2009-09-30T21:20:00.004-05:00

It's Look At What Happens When You Leave Software Unsupervised Day (LAWHWYLSUD) at the Flametroll today. All of these were captured on my computer within the last 48 hours.Well, that's good to know. With software like Rapid SQL, you need a notifier when unusual events happen. (See below.)Are you asking me or telling me?If you press No, it pops the message up again. Apparently, they're telling

What the Heck Facebook: Part N+3 of an M+3 Part Series

2009-09-20T15:36:00.002-05:00

I don't mean to turn this blog into all What The Heck Facebook, all the time. But facebook could really do me a favor by not being so flat-out bizarre.I've been looking at this picture for hours and I can't make heads nor tails of it. My eyes are starting to hurt and my roommate is wondering why I've been holed up in my room so long. He's probably making plans for what to tell the police when a

What the Heck Facebook: Part N+2 of an M+2 Part Series

2009-09-14T21:51:00.002-05:00

And just in case a Proverbs 31 Woman isn't your style, there's another option:

What the Heck Facebook: Part N+1 of an M+1 Part Series

2009-09-13T14:53:00.005-05:00

Today's special offering on facebook: a Proverbs 31 woman!For, as Proverbs 31 teaches us:Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.Wow, I know marriage can be tough, but that seems a little extreme to me. Definitely not the best way to sell a dating service, if you ask

Live-blogging the Health Care Speech

2009-09-09T20:12:00.004-05:00

Some highlights (I'll see if I can find these on youtube later):Joe Biden in the background nodding and blinking too much, like a girl at a bar trying to convince her friends she's sober.The dressed and shaved panhandler with a sign reading "What bill?" I think it might have originally said "Will bathe."That one guy holding up a fat copy of the bill during a standing ovation, not smiling or

Quote of the Day

2009-09-05T04:32:00.001-05:00

Googling for "what to eat before a marathon", this was one of the answers:I would eat one banana and a Cliff Bar prior to a race. The Cliff Bar guarantees that the race will only be the second most physically challenging part of your day.

What the Heck Facebook: Part N of an M Part Series

2009-08-30T02:28:00.004-05:00

This ad showed up on my sidebar today:Apparently advertisers have caught on that Facebook's demographic is aging. Some users may need a bit of pharmaceutical assistance before they find other facebook ads appealing.

Your Math For the Day

2009-08-27T23:00:00.012-05:00

Update: The more I look at this code, the less certain I am that it's correct. But since it's here, I'm leaving it. I finally wrapped my head around the Birthday Paradox today. You can go ahead and look that up on Wikipedia, but it will make your brain melt. I see all of those wacky mathy symbols and start wondering what's for dinner. I'll to explain in a way that any old moron can understand,

And Now For Weather...

2009-08-21T06:58:00.002-05:00

When I was checking the weather yesterday, I noticed that it was listed as "partly sunny" all day until 7pm. That's when the listing changed over the night-themed weather icons. At that point, the forecast changed to "partly cloudy."Is there a legitimate difference, or was the site just too embarassed to use the phrase "partly moony"?

Plusgood Miniplenty Eliminates Need For Ownlife

2009-08-05T20:09:00.005-05:00

Let me be the first to say, President Obama's health care plan is a flawless idea.If there's one thing that will fix our flawed and complicated health care system, it's a half-thought-out, largely unread monstrosity of a law rushed through as quickly as humanly possible (or Congressionally possible, I guess. Humans have to get their work done before they can take a month-long vacation).Anyway, my

This is Happening Way Too Much to Be a Coincidence...

2009-08-03T17:59:00.004-05:00

Who here is from Brazil? And how do you make up 10% of my blog's total hits*?* That last question was rhetorical. No one else actually reads my blog.

President Obama: I Neither Know nor Care About Beer

2009-07-30T23:03:00.002-05:00

Well, not in so many words. But he chose to have a Bud Light.

Down the Rabbit Hole

2009-07-16T16:09:00.003-05:00

I was bored recently, so I read some of my old blog posts. You may think that reading your own blog is the innermost layer of the narcissism onion. It is not. Blogging about reading your own blog is even worse.

LV 2 BLOG

2009-07-11T23:53:00.004-05:00

On the highway today, I saw a license plate that I thought said "MARK WTF". I laughed, wondering if that's what Mark's friends said to him when he bought that expensive SUV in this economy.As I got closer, I saw that it actually said "MARX WYF". That's seems unlikely, as Jenny von Westphalen died in 1881. I guess it actually must have been a shortened form of what the driver really wanted to have

Abashing The Cat: Just as Wrong as it Sounds

2009-06-30T00:27:00.003-05:00

Every so often I walk in on my roommate's cat straddling this rainbow feather duster we have laying around the house. You may not think a cat is capable of looking embarrassed, but you've probably never caught one doing that either. He looks up and meows something like the cat equivalent of "This isn't what it looks like! I was doing the Heimlich...I mean we were rearranging the furniture...I

Go Iranians!

2009-06-22T17:58:00.001-05:00

Battle w/ Police - Tehran, Iran - June 20th 2009by mightier-than

When I'm Sixty Five

2009-06-21T20:03:00.003-05:00

We got a new online 401k tracking system at work last week. I was looking over it and found that my retirement date is scheduled for 2050. I hope they develop flying cars by then so that I can be part of the first generation of old people to obstruct traffic in three dimensions.Maybe four, even, if scientists get cracking on wormholes.

New Design

2009-06-15T23:08:00.002-05:00

We're trying out a new design here at the Flametroll. I'm sure you'll like it. If not, put a sock in it because I run this blog for my amusement not yours.

It's Kind of Gross Up There

2009-06-15T21:45:00.004-05:00

I keep seeing this commercial for a place called Sybaris. It's a... uhh..."resort" for... umm... "romantic getaways." If that sounds sleazy, you haven't even seen the commercial. I'll let you ponder that for a bit.Recovered your sanity now? Cool. Anyway, I don't know if it was such a wise decision to name the place something that sounds so much like syphilis. Might as well call it "Gonorrh-otica"

Come On Get Down Chuck Up With the Sickness

2009-06-14T13:23:00.006-05:00

I saw people vomit on back to back days this weekend.They say you should start a story off with a line that will catch people's attention. I think that should do it.Yesterday, I was working a beer stand a Miller Park for the Brewers/White Sox game. If there's two towns whose fans know how to drink, it's Chicago and Milwaukee. For Yankee/Mets fans, drunkenness is mainly a means to increase their

I've Been Saying This For Years

2009-06-04T22:35:00.002-05:00

Not so insane now am I?Am I?Huh?Didn't think so.

I'm Not Sure Whether this is an Error or Not

2009-05-26T22:14:00.005-05:00

"He's passed out in the back right now. When he sobers up, I'll ask him about tour dates and get back to you."

He's Still Posting?!?

2009-05-23T17:06:00.007-05:00

Sorry, I know I've been filling up your RSS feeds lately. But I keep getting interesting spam, so what do you want me to do?When I saw this one, I was so amused by the Gmail "preview" sentence, that I just had to open it (after checking for attachments of course).Hi Friend,I am Melissa Agnes Able, 25 yrs old girl in search of a man who understands love as trust and faith rather seeing it as a way

Tonight's Nightmare Material Brought to You By...

2009-05-23T14:52:00.003-05:00

No, this isn't a before-and-after shot of Major Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's an artist and his art. Keep reminding yourself of that.

Sex-C Time!

2009-05-23T02:34:00.004-05:00

I decided to check my spam filter to make sure I wasn't missing the email from the previously mentioned Acer lady. Her email was not there, but there was an email warning me to "Beware of Undefined Sex!!!" I'm not sure what undefined sex is, but I have a guess.#include #include main() { int* person; have_sex(person);}I'm not sure what exactly would happen, but it would

In Which I Adminster My Own Tech Support in Spite of the Tech Support Lady's Attempts to Stop Me

2009-05-23T02:03:00.005-05:00

I bought a monitor for my laptop last week. It's 23" and pretty great, when it works. Which is not now. Now it doesn't work at all. I'm pretty decent with electronic equipment, and I've tried every permutation of plugging, unplugging and pushing buttons on this thing. No dice.So I called Acer's help line. After taking my information, the monitor's information, asking me what the serial number of

Man in ape suit sought for trying to steal bananas

2009-05-22T07:05:00.002-05:00

Awesome!

Another Serious Post!?!?

2009-05-21T17:07:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty hard on Barack Obama (I argued at one point that he had literally done nothing clearly right in his first few months in office). But his plan for closing Guantanamo Bay seems reasonably well thought-out. For example the proposed categories of prisonser:-- Those who have violated American criminal laws and will be tried in federal courts;-- Those who violated the laws of war and

Interesting Street Preacher Encounter

2009-05-20T19:05:00.002-05:00

I was walking up the steps of the library when a kid who looked maybe 20 said "Excuse me, sir," [Ed: Sir???] "do you have a minute?"Me: Ok...Kid: Do you know Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior?Me: Yes.Kid: Cool. Don't ever lose Him. Have a nice day.Me: You too.That kid was cool. I've rarely run into street evangelists who seemed to care about me and what I have to say. Generally when I tell

Five Years of Crap!

2009-05-18T18:19:00.002-05:00

My very first post on this blog was five years ago today! In that time, you've gotten lame-brained opinions and stupid booger jokes. And there were some posts that weren't as good either.For those of you who laughed your way through the last 361 posts, I thank you. For those of you who have unwillingly slogged through them on the advice of your spiritual director, I also thank you. I'd appreciate

More From the Shrine

2009-04-22T18:46:00.002-05:00

Everyone's favorite source for all things Catholic and weird is at it again. Strange Facts about Papal Audiences.

Stephen Colbert: Real American Hero

2009-04-22T18:40:00.000-05:00

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cThe Word - Stressed Positioncolbertnation.comColbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorGay Marriage Commercial

Liveblogging The Bachelor Party

2009-04-17T21:30:00.006-05:00

That's right, I'm at a bachelor party. Don't worry, ladies, I'm not the one getting married. The party is for my cousin's fiancé.First we went to a Cardinals game at Wrigley Field. The less said about that the better, really. Except that the economy is hitting scalpers really hard and they can only afford to pay you $7 for a ticket with face value of $36. It's a hard knock life for those guys who

Like Shooting Fish in Barrel

2009-04-15T07:08:00.003-05:00

The website for Microsoft's Expression Web 2 tool ("passionate about standards", "beautiful inside and out") does not render correctly in Opera.

Google News

2009-04-08T18:24:00.001-05:00

Too clever for its own good sometimes.

Talents Which Do Not Make Me Seem Cool

2009-03-29T01:02:00.005-05:00

Remembering dozens of passwords for different computer logins, websites and emails without writing any of them down.Good parallel parker.Can reset any clock-radio.Calculating addition of 2 or 3 digit numbers in my head almost instantaneously.Reasonably good Hootie and Blowfish imitation.Can classify everyday activities in terms of Big-O notation.This post is unlikely to be followed up by "Talents

It's An Honor Just to Be Nominated

2009-03-18T00:16:00.003-05:00

That's what I'm probably supposed to say. But if I don't win this freakin caption contest, my head is going to explode from all the rage and whatnot.Look how funny I am! Referencing a previous caption contest, even! Don't make the internet even dumber by voting for any of that other crap.

Running in Under-Armour

2009-03-15T22:37:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure it controlled my sweat or regulated my body temperature, but I felt like a superhero while I was wearing it. That's all I ask.

UConn vs. Syracuse

2009-03-15T16:51:00.002-05:00

Looks like somebody at a Buffalo Wild Wings really didn't want to go home.

Who Wrote This Crap?*

2009-02-26T22:18:00.002-06:00

Right now somebody is at RottenTomatoes.com is getting yelled at for not reviewing his code before checking it into production.*Apologies to Jeff Atwood

What the Heck Facebook (Part II)

2009-02-22T23:17:00.005-06:00

Facebook's ads keep getting more and more disturbing:I'm also on the middle of reading American Gods, so I'm seriously getting freaked out. If I don't post anything for a while, it could be because those creepy google guys show up at my front door with a buffalo man and a four-eyed baby. In which case, look out because the storm is coming.Whatever that means...Coincidentally, 34% of Americans

What is Google Hiding?

2009-02-21T17:15:00.003-06:00

Call me a loser, but I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at random things on Google Maps' street view. I decided to zoom in on the Googleplex to see what it looks like from the street. Apparently, they tell their employees when the car is going by, because everyone is outside waving at the camera. Proving to me that Google employs the coolest nerds around, I found a guy dressed as Link,

I Don't Understand Utah

2009-02-20T19:33:00.001-06:00

Half the time they're trying to convince everyone that they aren't a state full of crazy people. The rest of the time, they're busy putting giant phallic symbols on their quarters.

Because Everyone Should Have an Opinion about Everything

2009-02-06T12:47:00.001-06:00

I almost find Michael Phelps' accomplishments more impressive, seeing as he's been using performance de-enhancing drugs.

My Gmail Just Got All Weird Looking

2009-02-03T23:55:00.002-06:00

Apparently they just pushed through an upgrade.

Zing!

2009-02-03T21:36:00.001-06:00

Aww snap.

For Those Times When Aggression is Inappropriate, Try Passive Aggression

2009-02-03T20:49:00.003-06:00

To: Guy Who Opened My WasherCC: Guy Who Designed the Washer, INTERNET-ALL-PDLRe: Opening My WasherWhen I left the laundromat briefly today to get a burrito, I expected during that time that my laundry would continue washing. I was disappointed to note that this did not occur.The reason this did not occur was that you, GWOMW, opened my washer. As you may know from previous washer-using experience

Just a Reminder

2009-02-03T18:08:00.003-06:00

Today, the Shrine of the Holy Whapping linked to LOLsaints and mentioned how weird it is. I'd like you all to remember that the Shrine is really the most Catholic and Weird site on the internet.

Things You Learn

2009-02-02T21:54:00.003-06:00

Bombay is another name for Mumbai, but Bangalore and Mangalore are separate cities. Who knew?

Who Actually Likes Oil Companies?

2009-01-31T09:25:00.005-06:00

An online acquaintance posted a link to an article congratulating Exxon Mobil for their record profits. This looks like a mutated strain of Stockholm Syndrome to me.I also work for a company that is on good financial ground in spite of the economy (I won't specify, since I'm sure they don't want their name connected to monkey nose-picking and sexy Rod Blagojevich). So why am I angry about the oil

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

2009-01-29T22:04:00.003-06:00

Obligatory Breaking News Post

2009-01-29T21:54:00.005-06:00

I'll just let the ex-governor and my Photoshopping skills speak for themselves:[W]hether it's a court of law or administrative hearing or whether it's schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn't the one who did it. He's got other boys he'd like to have tell the teachers he didn't do it.I just feel bad for his future cellmate.

Priorities

2009-01-29T19:45:00.006-06:00

I received a text message from America's favorite blogger, Tommy "not a religious books publisher" Nelson, while I was at work today. I quote "Blago is gone!"Apparently by a unanimous vote, none the less. If I had known it would be this easy, I would have suggested it six years ago.Anyway, that's not even my main point. My main point is I went to cnn.com when Google News didn't immediately bring

The Best Excuse Ever

2009-01-24T19:44:00.002-06:00

I wish I had had someone to avoid today, because I had a great excuse. I was actually helping a handicapped old woman carry boxes of food to the poor.

chmod 007 *

2009-01-20T22:33:00.006-06:00

I've gotten tired of deleting directories with Subversion data in them, only to get a million "Are you sure?" messages. So I added an alias "ex-pred" to my .bash_profile. Remove those directories with extreme prejudice!alias ex-pred='rm -rf'

The High Today Was -2

2009-01-15T20:40:00.002-06:00

It's really bloody cold. It's cold in my room, which has two outside facing walls. It's cold in my apartment, which (ultimately) has four outside-facing walls. It's cold outside, where there are no walls at all and the only thing keeping the heat is in the clouds, I think, although I've never been terribly good at meteorology.It's so cold that I'm sitting under a blanket, blogging and drinking

Ahh!

2008-12-19T15:50:00.001-06:00

I just figured out what "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police is about.

Thank You, Chris Cassel, Whoever You Are

2008-12-19T15:35:00.003-06:00

I was having a heck of a time getting CakePHP to work right in a subdirectory of my webserver. By nature, Cake wants your whole webserver to itself. Fortunately, this Chris guy figured out a way to get it cooperate with my other webpages.Thanks, Mr. Chris guy!

The Moon Landing Was Fake

2008-12-19T13:40:00.003-06:00

I made an observation the other day. One of reasons the internet is so difficult a medium to have meaningful conversations is that it's nearly impossible to tell who's a genuine idiot and who's being ironic. When I expressed this to one of my friends, he suggested that there might not be any difference. As the author of a fairly ironic blog, this provides an answer but little consolation.

Quote of the Day!

2008-12-15T17:40:00.003-06:00

While kissing is normally very safe, doctors urge people to proceed with caution, the China Daily reported.- Brisbane Times

My Least Masculine Online Day Ever

2008-12-11T19:34:00.002-06:00

Earlier today, my sister sent me a "Who's your Twilight dream guy?" facebook application. A few hours later a friend sent me a facebook gift of bubble bath, along with a message about whipped cream. Then my previous blog post had me scouring the internet cursing the fact that there are so few pictures Dennis Rodman's risque book cover.If you need me, I'll be lifting weights and listening to Eye

I Find This Progression Disturbing

2008-12-11T18:05:00.002-06:00

A chronological listing of Anne Coulter's book covers:On the cover of her next book Mad as I'm Gonna Be, there will be nothing but a motorcycle and strategically placed copy of Reflections on the Revolution in France to shield our eyes*.*Too obscure?

Church of the Holy Whapping

2008-12-10T17:49:00.002-06:00

Where you learn something Catholic and weird every day!It seems some native parents were acting as godparents to their own children. Since being co-godparents was a canonical impediment to the marriage of the parents--it created a 'spiritual relationship' or kinship--some were using this as an excuse to divorce [sic] their wives and remarry.

Manswers From Dr. Awesome

2008-12-10T17:30:00.001-06:00

You'll grow hair on your chest just from reading this.

Overheard on the Street

2008-12-02T18:31:00.001-06:00

Girl on cellphone: "The guy said 'What are you going to do, start a gunfight from your wheelchair?'"

What I Really Mean When I Say I Don't Believe in Money

2008-11-22T03:05:00.003-06:00

Earlier today, I said I don't believe in money. Mostly, I did it just to watch my financially educated friends get that little throbby vein on the sides of their necks. "Not believing in money" was hyperbole, but I also had a point (or rather a theory of how our view of money is messed up).To put it briefly, in the context of the recent economic events: If you lost money and no one else actually

I'm Going To Have to Disinfect The Furniture

2008-11-20T07:07:00.003-06:00

Two of the most recent google searches that brought viewers to my blog were "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" and "feels so right it can't be wrong".You people frighten me.EDIT: Further investigation shows that "completely incapable of pleasing a woman?" came from Windsor, England. It's nice to know that Prince Charles reads my blog.